


Found You in Another Life

by TrinityRose



Category: Lost
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 05:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 90,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17419910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityRose/pseuds/TrinityRose
Summary: Desmond & OC. They're both broken, both lost. When they meet, they have a chance to save each other.





	1. Chapter 1

 

It'd been dragging on for so long that she literally lost the count of days passing by her. She was a by-stander, never really trying to socialize with the rest of the survivors and avoiding them instead, just living in her own world or maybe in her own personal hell. If she asked someone, she was sure they would tell her exactly how long they'd been stranded on this island, but she never did. She was scared of life passing right by her. She was scared that one day she would wake up and realize that she truly wasted it. Once, she'd thought she'd been doing everything right - going to school, getting her education, meeting the right guy… only he never was the right guy. He only appeared that way in her head. She couldn't plan life after college, she realized. She couldn't plan love. She couldn't just pick someone based on his looks, college degree and job and be happy with him. Life didn't work that way. She knew that it didn't owe her anything, but in the end, maybe this one thing life did owe her. She couldn't just pick a random guy and expect to fall madly in love with him. Love was fate. Love was accident. It wasn't the careful planning of her education, career or even fitting into her skinny jeans. Maybe she just realized her mistakes all too late and now had to face the consequences. Only there was no way out. No one had come for them. There was no help on the way. They were on their own. And they didn't fare well either.

 

She was stranded on a deserted island with the other survivors of the flight 815 from Sydney to Los Angeles. At least she'd thought it was deserted. Now she knew that they weren't exactly alone, which only scared her more and she was dangerously close to breaking down completely. They said that when you lost hope, you lost it all and she nearly lost hers. She had a chance, even though it was on this strange God forsaken island; she still had a chance to start over, to maybe become a part of some community, to make friends. Only she hadn't. She'd done what she did best. She'd stayed away and it seemed to be too late to change now. It always was. She might be young, but she felt old, ancient even. She'd supposed to have her whole life in front of her. A light and bright future. And she'd lost it. She'd lost all of it. In fact, she'd wasted it because of an illusion. Because she'd been chasing something, somebody who was never meant to love her. Why had she been so damn naive and helpless in her romantic notions? Why hadn't she known better? She'd thought she'd had, but now she knew she really hadn't. Pity it was too late.

 

Stupid, stupid girl, she thought about herself. Maybe she deserved everything that happened to her. Maybe it was meant to teach her a very painful life lesson. And life wasn't a book with a happy ending. It was real and it was all chaos and confusion and risk. She'd gone after the pretty package, convinced that it would be exactly what she needed. She'd wanted to fix him, make him fall for her, make him happy. All that time she hadn't understood what she should've been really looking for - her personal happiness. It didn't matter with whom. It didn't matter how he would look like, how he would speak, what job he would have or how much they would have in common. None of it should matter as long as she would be happy. She never found this or maybe she was just too blinded to see it. As a result, she found herself used and degraded, so… wasted, she realized with deep ache in her heart. With regret, shame and self-loathing. She would've done anything for the guy and what she'd received in return? A plane crash since he was the one who bought her the ticket. The bitter irony was that he was supposed to fix her life and instead, he ruined it.

 

It'd been so long. So many days, weeks, maybe even months since that traumatic experience and it was still burning fresh in her memory. She still suffered and she still hadn't gotten to know anyone here closer when being too busy wallowing in her own pain. Maybe she was selfish. Scratch that, she was definitely selfish. And egoistic. Most of the survivors probably didn't even know her name and that hurt her as well, but she couldn't expect anything else. She'd never made the effort to learn their names either. She hadn't even talked to anyone, not without a valid reason anyway. Charlie had spoken to her briefly when he'd been busy drafting the passengers' list and some people occasionally asked for help while she was passing by, but she never lingered long enough to talk to them, to get to know them. And she was sure that they deserved to be known. Everyone deserved it until they proved they didn't. Like he had, her thoughts came back to the painful subject yet again.

 

She focused on the smooth movements of her arms and legs as she continued swimming in the ocean. It was her favorite activity on the island. There truly wasn't much to do except fighting for one's own survival. Swimming seemed like the only activity that was more associated with pleasure to her than necessity. She loved water. It both amazed her and scared her. She never swam too far in fear of not being able to come back. After all, there was no one watching over her, no one to even miss her or notice her gone if something happened to her. She either swam or sat on the beach and just stared into the vastness of the ocean. She was scared when she imagined the immensity of it, scared of the fact that they didn't even know where they exactly were. Scared that not so far away from here the ocean was so deep that a plane could sink and sink and yet not touch the bottom. Scared of all those creatures that might be hiding out there in the waters: sharks, whales, maybe even octopuses. She was particularly frightened of the last ones since they were so impossibly huge and, according to scientists, much smarter than humans. In hundreds, maybe thousands of years, if the Earth still existed, octopuses would be ruling it after humans. If that wasn't terrifying, nothing was.

 

Suddenly, she didn't feel all that good in the water. She knew she wasn't far or deep enough to encounter some suspicious animals, but who knew on this island? People apparently encountered polar bears, why not octopuses close by? Yes, she was definitely swimming back, trying to even out her breathing and not to rush. The last thing she wanted was to get a cramp. No one would come to her rescue. No one. This realization only caused her to feel devastatingly sad and lonely.

 

Maybe she was wrong, she thought, frowning when she actually spotted a man walking down the shore. He briefly looked her way and even though she didn't recognize him, for a moment there, she relaxed, her breathing evening out completely. If something happened, he would see and even though she never made the effort to get to know her fellow passengers, she was sure that none of them would leave her to die just because of that.

 

She finally got close enough to stand and then waded the last few feet to the shore. She spotted the man sitting on the beach not far away from her. Also not far enough from where she left her things, she realized and the feeling of being safe and watched disappeared, replaced by a slight embarrassment. She couldn't recognize this person. She didn't think she'd ever seen him among the other survivors and she wasn't comfortable walking around only in her bikini. He looked suspicious with an almost empty bottle in his hand, shaggy and a little too long hair and a beard. His clothes didn't look much better either.

 

"Hi," he actually spoke to her when he spotted her staring at him.

 

She frowned and tentatively made a few steps back. She shouldn't have been staring in the first place. Now she had his attention and it was something she wasn't sure she actually wanted. She grabbed her shirt quickly and pulled it over her head, feeling too exposed again as he began watching her for a change.

 

"You're one of the survivors, aren't you?" he eventually asked.

 

She still wasn't sure what to think of him and whether she should even be talking to him. By now she was well-informed that there were other people on the island and they didn't exactly have good intentions towards the survivors. They'd actually attacked them and tried to kill some of them. The last thing she wanted right now was to remain the victim. She needed to break the vicious circle and fight for herself, be a strong woman for a change. Maybe it was time, she thought somberly. Still, this man, though apparently a little drunk, seemed nice. His voice sounded gentle as there was a kind tone to it. It didn't seem like he was hiding something. His expression was pleasant as well and she could see the good in his eyes... She was staring again, she realized with horrification and actually blushed.

 

"Yes, I am," she eventually confirmed what he wanted to know. It seemed rude to just ignore him while she was the first one to take an interest in him. "And you are?" she asked, careful and ready to run just in case. He might seem nice, but she was well aware that the others were perfect actors. After all, Ethan, the guy who'd taken the pregnant woman (she was pretty sure her name was Claire) had mingled among the survivors and it'd only been for Charlie's list that he'd been actually exposed.

 

"Desmond Hume, the guy from the hatch," the stranger introduced himself.

 

It made sense, at least so far, she thought. There had been a guy down the hatch they'd discovered. Apparently, he'd been there for almost three years. Could the others know about him, too? Maybe they didn't. They would've gotten to him if they'd had, wouldn't they? Still, she wasn't ready to trust him just yet. To be honest, she wasn't ready to trust anyone at the moment, but she knew she needed to make the effort to get to know them eventually. Here the circle closed.

 

"Why are you here?" she asked in a brief moment of realization. She'd heard something about him leaving the island, hadn't she? "I heard you bailed."

 

"Well, I came back." He shrugged when taking a sip from his bottle. "I got on a boat and wanted to get the hell out of this island, but then… then it struck me," he told her and it piqued her interest again, even if involuntarily.

 

"What was it?" she couldn't stop herself and asked.

 

"I had nowhere to go to." He spread his hands, brandishing the bottle in one. "I'm a coward and a failure. In fact, my whole life is a failure from the very beginning. I thought it would end when I found the woman I fell for, but then…" he just sighed and shook his head. The alcohol apparently loosened his tongue. "I don't really want to talk about it. Who are you, anyway?" he clearly wanted to know more about her, maybe put the face to the name.

 

"How do I know you're not one of the others?" she asked instead of answering him.

 

He shrugged again and simply said, "You don't."

 

She was gone the very moment he said it even though it didn't sound like something the others would say. Desmond was clearly lonely and in pain and the cause to all of that was probably a woman. He might be just like her, she thought. He might be just the person who could understand her, a person she could find a common ground with. Maybe it could be a step-up towards establishing some friendships on the island. Still, it wouldn't be a friendship with a survivor from her flight. But did it matter anyway? First, she just needed the confirmation that he was who he said he was.

 

"Have you seen Jack?" she asked the first person she saw and unfortunately, it turned out to be Sawyer.

 

"Why do you need Jack, sweetheart, if I'm here?" he answered in his typical way. She didn't really like him as he reminded her of someone way too much. He was blond and his hair was a little too long; he was also handsome and well-built. Even the way he spoke reminded her of somebody from her past. Somebody she tried so desperately to forget, to run away from, but still, she remembered him and was trapped by him. Even if he wasn't with her physically, he still occupied her mind. The only difference she noticed between him and Sawyer was actually the level of their education. One was a professor, the other was… she didn't really know, which only proved how little she knew about the people she was stranded on the island with.

 

"Just forget it." She waved Sawyer off as she didn't feel like trying so hard to get the information she needed from him. Thankfully, she spotted Jack in the distance. "Jack!" she called after him and he was nice enough to wait until she would make her way to him.

 

"Is everything all right?" he just asked, taking a good look at her like he was looking for potential injuries or signs of sickness. It was typical really and she didn't feel intimidated by it. Jack was a doctor, after all, and they all owed him a lot. If it hadn't been for him, a lot of the survivors would've been dead by now. "You're…" he began frantically looking for a name in his mind with an embarrassed face. "I'm so sorry…" he started again when clearly not able to recall it.

 

"Julie," she told him. "And don't worry. We haven't actually spoken before when not counting the first day when you were examining everyone," she explained.

 

"Oh, ok, then." He was clearly relieved. "What's wrong, Julie? Are you feeling all right?" he asked with care in his voice, still trying to assess what might be wrong. She thought that was exactly what made him a great doctor. He cared and always wanted to help.

 

"Yes, I am," she answered. "I actually wanted to ask something not related to medicine," she hesitated. "I met a man on the beach out there," Julie pointed the right direction, "and he told me that his name was Desmond Hume and that he was in the hatch. Can I trust him? I just want to be careful with the threat from the others and all. I thought he escaped the island."

 

"Scottish accent, longish brown hair, beard, brown eyes? Slim and tall?" Jack described the man perfectly.

 

"Yes, that would be him." Julie nodded.

 

"He's telling the truth. I saw him in his boat last night. He shipwrecked on the island when actually trying to get away from it."

 

"Really? It makes you think it's a truly cursed place."

 

"I guess he's as safe as one can be here," Jack shrugged. "But let me know if he causes any trouble."

 

"Sure, thank you."

 

"You're welcome, Julie." With that Jack smiled to her and walked away, probably heading to the hatch. Julie, on the other hand, chose the opposite direction.

 

Yet, when she came back to the spot where she'd first seen Desmond, about an hour had passed. He was still there, just sitting in the sand and looking blindly into the distance. He seemed devastatingly lonely to her and she suddenly felt sorry for him. There was something about him that caused her to trust him and to actually talk to him. Maybe there was some kinship between them based on their painful experiences.

 

"So, it turns out that your story checks out," she said in a tentative manner and then, after a brief moment of hesitation, she sat down right next to him on the sand.

 

"Is that so?" he just said, staring at the ocean but not really seeing it. "It's been quite some time since you left."

 

"I wasn't sure I should come back," she admitted when hugging her knees.

 

"And why is that?" he asked, finally looking at her. Their eyes met and for a moment she just stared, not sure what she was exactly looking for. Maybe some mutual understanding? Maybe a sign that she could, indeed, trust this man? Eventually, she decided to just say it. She needed to talk to someone. Few more days and she would forget how to speak altogether.

 

"I'm a loner, I guess," she told him, shrugging and shifting her eyes back to the ocean. "Ever since the crash…" she sighed heavily, cutting in the middle of the sentence, but then she started again. "I feel like I've wasted all of the best years of my life for something that was only an illusion," she confessed what she'd been hiding for so long and it actually felt good to get it out there in the open. Talking to a stranger about your own problems was surprisingly therapeutic. But it also brought all the memories back to the surface, making them all that much more real.

 

Julie eyed the bottle Desmond was still holding and grabbed it after spotting that there was still a little of alcohol left. She took these remaining sips and then took a swing, throwing it into the ocean. It was vodka, something she hated when it wasn't mixed with anything, but she would feel a little bit better in just a few seconds, she knew that. For now she winced, waiting for the burning in her throat to go away. She wished she'd had some lemons with her.

 

"I think we all feel that way sometimes," Desmond finally spoke. "Like we've wasted so much time… Was it because of a bad break-up?" he took a guess.

 

"Actually, worse," she said, but didn't follow with any explanation. "You know, the first thing that struck me when I saw you was that you seemed lost somehow. And I don't mean the place we're in," she added, clarifying.

 

"I know exactly what you mean and let me tell you that you have the same look on your face," she heard him saying as he grabbed a handful of sand and let it slip through his fingers. It nearly depressed her. It seemed like the sand was time and it was passing by so quickly that they would never be able to stop it. They were just stuck on this island, forced to watch the days go by.

 

"Why didn't you leave this place when you had the chance?" she asked, curious about that. "And why do you think you're a coward?" she followed with another question before she managed to stop herself. This man intrigued her and she felt like he could be a kindred soul. She didn't want to scare him off and cause him to shut down.

 

"Well, if I was to tell you some private things about myself, I would at least want to know your name," he surprised her with that request and she realized she hadn't given it to him yet.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry… it's Julie," she did it now. "Julie Stanley."

 

"Well, Julie Stanley." Desmond looked at her sidelong and for the first time, she saw him smile. It was almost imperceptible, but it was still there. "I'm on this island because I shipwrecked here. And it all started when I became a monk," he told her.

 

"A monk? Are you serious?" She nearly laughed and then felt embarrassed that she might've offended him. "Sorry. I just… I'm not too keen on religion, I guess."

 

"Me neither, not anymore," he admitted and she nodded because she understood it perfectly. She did believe in God, but not in organized religion as an institution.

 

"I got kicked out pretty fast anyway," he continued his story, "and then almost immediately after that, I met a woman," he went on. "Her name was Penny and I fell for her instantly. We were happy for a while. Even when I… I had difficulties finding a job, even when I didn't have as much money as I would like to have in order to spoil her… we were happy. Until the car accident in which she died. I got on a sailing trip afterwards, couldn't deal with loss, wanted to be alone… and I ended up here," he finished, throwing his hands into the air and then taking a handful of sand again. "Once I was free from my duty in the hatch, I thought I could go back home, but to what? I've been gone for so long… Where would I even find a job? How would I put my life back together? There never really was a place for me there… So I drunk myself into a stupor and ended up back here." There was resignation in his voice like he surrendered completely. "What a coward, hah?" he added, chuckling.

 

"I'm sorry," Julie said, truly meaning it. "And no, I don't think you're one. I kind of understand you."

 

"What's your story, then?" Desmond asked, clearly not wanting to talk about himself anymore.

 

Julie lay down on her side with her head supported on her hand, facing him. She sighed heavily before she started talking, "I haven't really told that to anyone yet. I guess I'm embarrassed of how naive I was."

 

"And I'm embarrassed of the kind of a man I've become." He shrugged, looking at her reclining pose. "But it's fine if you don't want to tell me. I get it."

 

"It's not that. I really feel like I should just get it out in the open. I feel like it's…" she paused for a moment, looking for the right words, "I don't know… blocking me somehow. Like what I've been through causes me to keep punishing myself by staying away from everyone. And now it's just too late to actually get to know the rest of those people, share my story with them. They probably think I'm a freak or some rude person who thinks they're beneath her," she explained somberly.

 

"It's never too late to pick ourselves up," Desmond told her. "I don't know all of them, but I met some who seemed pretty nice. Maybe you should just talk to them. Who knows, maybe you'll both prove each other wrong."

 

She shook her head, her eyes focused on the sand like she was trying to count the grains, do about anything but to look into Desmond's eyes at the moment. "But I was so… pathetic," she finally admitted so quietly that he barely heard her.

 

"Well, I just told you I was a coward. What could possibly be worse?"

 

She nearly laughed, but before she even started, she stopped, her expression darkening again.

 

"Ok, just stop demeaning yourself. Why would such a pretty young girl would ever call herself pathetic?" he asked, not understanding a thing. His interest was now piqued and he temporarily forgot about his lame excuse for a life. "Maybe you are a little sad right now, but that's understandable considering the circumstances and the lack of help coming."

 

"I'm here because of a man who doesn't give a damn about me," she finally said, wanting to get it over with. She was tired of keeping it inside. It'd been weighing her down from the moment it'd happened. "And I gave a damn lot about him," she added. Desmond didn't say anything to that, he just waited patiently, allowing her to tell him on her own terms. "I was a student in college when I met him. He was a professor. I know now that whatever that was… was more of a physical and intellectual fascination than anything else… not love, not even real desire… I don't even understand it myself now... I was just impressed by him, I guessed. He seemed perfect. I liked the way he looked, I liked his charm and I liked his intelligence, but I never truly liked his character and I guess I was fooling myself that it was all right. Maybe I thought that I could change it… I don't know… When I got my degree, I knew that I would never see him again, so I was doing anything to be close to him, but in a subtle way. I never was one of those girls who could just go over to a man they barely knew and flirt with him openly. I keep bumping into him, pretending it to be an accident until we finally hit off. Until he finally took what he was being offered so eagerly. I would've done anything for him back then... All my money went for making myself more beautiful and more desirable. Clothes, make up, hair, even laser depilation…" she nearly scoffed at that. "How immature of me, hah?" Desmond just looked at her and didn't say anything. He kept on listening instead, not giving anything he thought away. "Then he asked me to go with him to Australia where he was to give a speech on a symposium. I was to be the pretty date and I thought he was actually falling in love with me," her voice grew bitter. "My suitcase was full of lingerie and flimsy clothing and birth control pills, only leaving little room for the dress for the event itself. I don't even know what I was thinking." She shifted onto her back, her hands pressing into her face as she was mortified by her own behavior. "That we would stay there?" she continued sarcastically. "That we would be happy forever? Now I hate myself for ever believing it, but I did believe firmly that we were meant to be. That he was the one and I would break through his defenses and make him love me. I don't even know now with what. With being pretty? With great sex? In fact… it wasn't that great. I felt like there was something missing, that something was wrong and now…" she paused to take a breath, sat up and blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears from flowing. "He got bored with me pretty quickly. Called me insane. Bought me a ticket back home and… and I ended up here," she finally finished. "I'm sorry," she added after a moment of heavy silence.

 

"For what?" Desmond asked, still sitting in his unchanged position next to her.

 

"For telling you all of this. I know I'm pathetic. You must think the same of me now." She refused to even look at him at the moment. She did feel better though, so that was a plus. She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. Maybe it was some kind of a breakthrough. Maybe she would be better from now on.

 

"We all need to learn sometimes," she heard Desmond say. "You've learnt your lesson and now you're smarter."

 

"Yeah…" she scoffed.

 

"Trust me, I'm no better," he added after a moment and the sincerity and pain in his voice caused her to look at him again.

 

"You're running away from your life. You're afraid to start over. You believe you're a coward," she told him. "But the thing is, Desmond… I don't think you are." She met his eyes evenly.

 

"Really?" he asked in a slight surprise.

 

"Really. You just need to believe it. You can change it all if only you want to."

 

"I can't really do anything with my life right now. We're stuck on this bloody island," he complained, hitting the sand with his hands in anger.

 

She actually laughed at that. "You're right. We're screwed!"

 

"I think that somehow we're alike," he confessed once the laughter stopped. "We've both got lost and we both don't know what to make of our lives anymore."

 

"Ex monk and a whore, how delightful," she teased.

 

"You are not a whore," his voice suddenly grew dead serious. "Don't you ever dare call yourself that." His brown eyes settled on her own intensely. He seemed to be angry with her for saying what she did. "Do you hear me? You were young when you fell for that guy and now you know better. Don't you ever call yourself a whore," he repeated harshly.

 

"All right," she just nodded, surprised that he reacted with such anger. She looked him in the eyes and felt like he hypnotized her somehow. It was a very warm gaze. Nothing like the blue and cold one she'd used to receive.

 

"Good. And by the way, you're pretty without any make-up on," he told her a compliment because he did think so and he wanted to make her feel better. "Any man who doesn't see that is simply a fool. That professor never truly deserved you."

 

"Thank you." Julie actually smiled to him through tears that gathered in her eyes. "This might just be the nicest thing I've heard for… I don't know how long," she sighed.

 

"I just wonder… What do you have to wear if all you had in that suitcase of yours was lingerie and probably the bathing suit I saw," he teased her, trying to lighten up the mood and it worked, causing her to laugh merrily. He noticed that she wasn't only pretty when she smiled, in fact she was beautiful.

 

"I traded a few things with Shannon when she…" Julie saddened immediately and Desmond felt like he made a mistake. Still, how could he know? "When she was still alive," she finally finished. "I never knew all those things would be mine anyway because she would die."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"It's fine. We weren't close, but still… I'm scared that we'll all soon be dead on this island. Those people from across it, they scare the hell out of me," she confessed.

 

"I've survived here for three years and I didn't even know they existed until a few days ago. I think we'll be fine as long as we all stick together," he said.

 

"Together…" she repeated, thinking about it. "I don't know about that. I would have to start socializing with all the other survivors."

 

"Don't you think you're alone in that," Desmond stated. "It's either that or getting the hell out of this beach and I have truly nowhere to go."

 

She felt sorry for him and in that moment she realized that she'd just made a friend. He wasn't on the plane, but it was all right. It was still a start.

 

"I think we could do that together," she said, looking at him with a beginning of a smile on her face. "After all, Jack said that if we didn't learn to live together, we would die alone."

 

Desmond chuckled at that. "Good one. That lad is a born leader."

 

"I don't know him that well, but from what I gather, he would hate you saying this."

 

"And that is exactly why it's true. Good leaders are those who don't really want to rule," Desmond explained.

 

"Actually, yeah, it does make a lot of sense," Julie admitted. "So," she started when looking at him and then at the beach in the distance where the rest of the survivors were, "ready?"

 

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." He shrugged and they heaved themselves up and walked towards the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days had passed since Julie had met Desmond. Their conversation that day was truly a turning point for her. Sometimes she still felt a little embarrassed that she'd told him so much about herself, throwing all her insecurities and things she wasn't particularly proud of, as she was ashamed of them, out in the open. She blamed it on the alcohol, but then she realized she hadn't actually drunk enough for it to loosen her tongue. She guessed she just needed to talk to someone, to hear somebody else's point of view. The truth was that she was biased against herself. She was young and still inexperienced with life and what it brought. She realized that she truly hated herself for not knowing better before it was too late. And now it simply was. At least it was too late to stop what had happened to her in Australia. Yet what Desmond made her realize was that it was never too late to change, to try something new, to actually break out of one's shell and start over, to get to know people and give them a chance to prove to her that they were worth her interest and trust. So far it was working and she was particularly grateful to Desmond for opening her eyes or at least showing her that she was simply human and humans made mistakes. Maybe she still hadn't forgiven herself completely for giving herself over to a man she'd barely even known in reality, but she was on the best way to do so. From all the mistakes one could make in life, hers didn't suddenly seem as bad when looking at it from a fresh perspective.

 

"How is it going, lass?" She suddenly heard Desmond's voice, the unmistakable Scottish accent giving him away. She truly liked to listen to the sound of it. It was exotic even though she knew that where he came from everybody talked that way.

 

Julie was now sitting on the beach, close to the shore as she was staring at the ocean in the setting sun. It was still her favorite place and one of her favorite activities on the island. She did start mingling with others, but it was all too much for now and she needed a moment with just herself. After all, that was what she was used to basically all her life. She couldn't just jump right into socializing and always be around other people. It was quite overwhelming.

 

"Do you prefer to be alone?" Desmond made sure when she didn't answer him. He was hesitant of whether he should join her or just leave.

 

"Oh, no, you can stay," she said, surprising even herself. Somehow his presence didn't intrude on her privacy at all. They could be alone together if that made any sense. It did to her and that was all that mattered. "And it's good, actually. I'm better," she finally answered his previous question.

 

He sat down right next to her and stared into the vastness of the ocean as well.

 

"You shaved," she noticed when glancing at him, "but didn't cut your hair."

 

"Oh, thank you for that insightful remark," Desmond chuckled and met her eyes sidelong. "Is it that long?" he asked, pretending to be bothered by it.

 

She shrugged. "I guess not. At least I don't mind it at all." Then she thought about what she said and slowly turned her eyes back to the ocean and the setting sun. Did she just say that? Why would he care what she thought of his appearance anyway? The sight in front of her suddenly caused her to grow somber. It was just one more day of being stranded. One more day of being homeless. Lost. Alone… Well, maybe that last one she could just scratch. She wasn't alone anymore, was she?

 

"You can cut it if you like," Desmond suggested and then added, "my hair," when she actually lost the thread of their conversation, already somewhere else in her mind. Being in his presence came so easy and so naturally to her that she could relax completely and somehow drift away, not feeling threatened by anything, just content to have him there right by her side.

 

"Sorry," she apologized when shaking her head and meeting his eyes. "I just… got lost somewhere there in my thoughts and… trust me, you so don't want me with scissors in my hand near your head," she then informed him. "I'm terrible at cutting just… about anything. You should see me as a kid in art class in my school. It was mandatory, so I couldn't get out of this one and naturally, I was the worst one ever in making something out of paper. To be honest, as a child I was pretty bothered by it."

 

"Well, I could suffer through your cutting," he said bravely and winked at her, which made her smile brightly. Then they stayed in content silence for a few more minutes.

 

"I made progress," she suddenly said and he guessed that she was no longer talking about her artistic predispositions.

 

"Is that so? In what?" he wanted to know. The sun seemed to have completely disappeared by then and her eyes looked shiny and alive. It momentarily enchanted him. Because of the lack of the light of the day he also started to be more aware of her presence next to him.

 

"I started socializing, talking to people a bit," she admitted, quite proud of herself and completely oblivious to his reaction. "I actually got to know Claire better. I offered to watch her baby even though I had no idea what to do with that boy. I'm just hopeless with kids. Never had any contact with them unless counting the time when I was one," she admitted, feeling abashed and throwing her hands into the air in indication.

 

"Then I guess you can practice for the future by spending some time with Aaron. I'm sure Claire will love that," Desmond pointed out when idly shifting his hands through the sand. He liked doing that when he needed to occupy his hands with something or when he was simply thinking. Julie, on the other hand, wasn't sure that it was working for her. When looking at those tiny grains, she couldn't help but imagine the time passing by her and taking all those days she could've been home from her. Still, where was home, really? She'd graduated. She hadn't even found a job before the plane crash. She didn't have an apartment. She also didn't have a family with her father dead and a mother somewhere out there, either dead or alive; she wasn't sure anymore since her mother had been drinking heavily throughout Julie's whole life. Even if she was the woman who gave birth to Julie, she didn't need her since alcohol always seemed to be more important to her than her own daughter. If only Julie had made a few close friends. If only she'd gone to some parties to meet more people while she'd still been a student. But nope, she'd been a loner and still was. Maybe she would always be one.

 

"Hey, are you ok?" she heard Desmond's voice like it was coming from far, far away. It wasn't really. She was just immersed too deeply into her own thoughts.

 

"Yeah, sorry." Julie shook her head. "I just…" she stopped for a moment, deciding how much she could tell him or if she should just get it all out into the open. "I don't have a family. Never had much of a childhood," she admitted. "Or maybe I did, but no one ever told me that they loved me or that they were proud of me. I was pretty much left to fend for myself."

 

"I know something about that," he admitted when looking her in the eye so she could see how honest he was with her at the moment. "So I guess we have something more in common, after all."

 

"I just don't think I want to be a mom," she started off again. "After everything I've experienced, I would know how to be a good one, I guess…" she thought about it some more. "A child needs attention, love, hugs, good words… everything I never had, but… I just don't know. I never really wanted any children. I had brief moments in which I thought I could have them... a son," she suddenly confessed, a small dreamy smile forming on her face, "but the reality is so much different than what we see in our heads when we think of the future. Having a kid wouldn't be easy."

 

"Nothing in life ever is," Desmond said and she nodded in agreement.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, but… I don't know. I guess I won't have kids. And I wouldn't have the guarantee of having a son anyway." She shrugged, a gesture he noticed she liked to use when she wasn't sure of something.

 

"I think you'd love your daughter just as much," he said gently.

 

"Maybe… but it doesn't matter anyway. Maybe I could be a good mother because I would know what to do, but… in the end, I think I wouldn't be a good one."

 

"What? Why not?" He seemed surprised to hear that. "You do realize that you just said two completely opposite things, don't you?"

 

She laughed at that. "I do. It's all complicated."

 

"I see." He just nodded.

 

"I'm just too egoistic to be a mom."

 

"Wait, what?" She seemed to shocked him and he stopped playing with sand altogether, looking at her, completely taken aback. "What are you even talking about?"

 

"Ok, here it is… I'm afraid of the pain I would have to endure when giving birth," she started enumerating, "and of all the changes in my body. I want to be thin and I like my breasts on the level they are now… and it's way too much information. I'm sorry," she added quickly when she caught his gaze flitting to her breasts and then escaping quickly in fear that she might notice. Then they both laughed and Desmond shook his head. "Maybe it was," he admitted, still laughing and feeling grateful that in the darkness she couldn't see his face reddening. He just needed to keep his eyes away from her chest from now on.

 

"Seriously though, you are not egoistic even a little bit," he said in confidence.

 

"Even a little bit?" she teased, smiling to him.

 

"All right, maybe everybody is a little bit egoistic," he admitted and they laughed again. "But you're not, not really. And just so you know, love isn't about the body."

 

"Yeah," she sighed. "I guess I've learnt that one the hard way," she murmured under her breath, hugging her knees and resting her chin on her arms. "Still, I don't think I'm such a great person. See Hurley there?" She cocked her head to the side. "He's such a sweet and good guy, but I would never be interested in him romantically just because I can't imagine myself with somebody so… fat," she finished reluctantly like she felt bad even saying it out loud. "If that's not a wrong thought, then… I am selfish," she decided. "I always look for handsome, slim men. Even after everything I've been through with one."

 

Desmond looked ahead somberly, trying to picture himself that good-looking man Julie had liked - or thought she had anyway. Maybe it was better not to try. After all, the guy hadn't made her happy; quite the contrary, he'd hurt her more than anyone before him.

 

"Not being attracted to fat people doesn't make you a bad person," he finally said, ready to look at her again. It was dark, so he wasn't in any danger of disclosing something. "And I'll say it again: you are not egoistic, Julie. And you know why?" She shook her head, holding her breath in anticipation of what he might say to her this time. So far, he turned out to be such a wonderful and understanding friend that she started to wonder what she'd ever done to deserve his presence in her life now. Maybe he just got her because he'd been through a lot as well. She should know. He'd told her. "I've seen you with the people here," he continued, oblivious to what was passing through her mind, "and you were just the opposite of egoistic. You might not be very social, I agree with that, but when someone asks you for help, you always do it with a smile. You never refuse. When somebody talks to you, even when you feel down, you immediately send them a smile… That smile is what I like about you the most when I watch you," he finished, his voice suddenly growing hoarse. He hoped she didn't notice the emotions he accidentally poured into his words. He hoped she didn't suspect anything. He shouldn't have told her that he'd been…

 

"Have you been watching me?" There it was. He knew she would ask. Still, luckily for him, she did it while teasing him playfully, sending him the exact same smile he was talking about.

 

"We're friends, aye? I notice things, that's all," he added quickly to untangle himself. "And just so you know, I always wanted to have a son as well, but I was scared that I wouldn't be a good father."

 

"Well, then welcome to the club. What is it about us that we both think so low of ourselves and so high of each other?" she asked the perfect question.

 

"Maybe we're just more critical of our own lives," Desmond wondered.

 

"Maybe… anyway, the fact that you'd rather have a son does not surprise me at all, mister," she added in a playful tone.

 

"Why?" he asked, not understanding.

 

"It's what men always say," she said, pretty sure of herself. "Don't they?"

 

"Oh, come on! Those are just stereotypes! You could say that every woman wants a daughter and is that true? Because I'm looking at one right now and she'd rather have a boy."

 

"Oh, ok, you win!" Julie gave up, meeting his eyes and smiling to him merrily. Then she looked back at the already dark and scary ocean and she nearly trembled. It was getting cold, too. They were still lost, still somewhere so far away from any civilization that no one could find them. And what if no one ever came? What if this, whatever this place was, and this strange community, would have to be enough for the rest of her life? What if she would be stuck here with no medicine, no means of obtaining new clothes or food other than what they were able to find, entrap or fish? In that moment, the beauty of the island that surrounded her by day was gone, replaced by terror and uncertainty of the night.

 

"I need to say something," Desmond suddenly spoke, his voice strangely harsh. She wasn't used to hearing him being so angry, so she looked at him, taken aback. What was he about to say? What could she possibly have done to upset him so much? "You know what strikes me as odd?" he asked and when she just waited for him to continue, he did. "You're this young, beautiful, amazing and yes, don't you dare deny it, selfless girl, and you keep diminishing yourself." Julie frowned when hearing those words coming from her friend's mouth, but then she realized that he suspected she hated herself for what she'd done in her past when the real reason for her somberness was the danger and the unknown coming from the island. They were never safe anymore. Still, she let him speak because she discovered that she liked that he cared so much. That he truly cared about her and her well-being. He was trying to help her like no one else on this island did. Maybe like no one had ever tried in her life.

 

"I keep wondering why?" Desmond went on, not noticing the change in her expression. Maybe it was simply too dark for that. Maybe it was a good thing, Julie thought as she was clearly showing off too much at the moment. Just the fact that he was willing to tell her all of this, that he couldn't stand her feeling guilty about what she'd done, made her feel better, special somehow. "Why?" he repeated, nearly breathlessly.

 

In that moment, she realized he was actually asking her what she thought. It wasn't a rhetorical question, so she complied, said what always lay heavily on her soul, "I don't think anyone ever really liked me," she confessed, suddenly seeming so small and fragile to him that he needed to resist the urge to put his arms around her and comfort her.

 

"Maybe they were just jealous," he finally offered some explanation.

 

She chuckled, shrugged, then said, "Maybe… but all of them?" she asked him. "I don't think so. No one ever truly loved me either. No one was really interested in me. I still don't know why. I don't consider myself ugly and I don't think I repulse people."

 

"Of course you don't do that," Desmond said, his voice appalled that she could ever think this way of herself.

 

"Maybe I am… or was…" she started again, unsure, "too strong-minded, too stubborn. Maybe I'm the strong kind of a woman that men don't really like because they can't subdue me. I don't know."

 

"In our times I think it's a good quality that you can stand up for yourself," he noticed.

 

"But I didn't do it when I really needed to," she admitted, silently wondering if she would ever be able to deal with her demons once or for all. Or maybe just one demon for that matter.

 

"He was an asshole for not seeing you for who you really are. And trust me when I say that you are amazing," Desmond told her, torn between telling her the truth to make her feel better and make her realize how he saw her and telling her too much. "I wish I could kick his ass right now," he added to make her laugh and it worked. He listened to the cheerful sound with pleasure. "I will if we ever get out of here," he decided and then thought that maybe he shouldn't have said that. She stopped laughing immediately.

 

"Yeah, let's hope we will. We can't lose that hope because then we'll lose everything." She nodded. "And once we do get out, I'm really looking forward to see it." The she stood up and dusted herself off. "It's getting cold and I need some sleep anyway. Thank you, Desmond. For seeing the best in me," she added and without waiting for his answer, she turned around and walked towards her tent.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As always during the nighttime, Julie was being tormented by her nightmares. If it wasn't about the humiliation she'd endured back in Australia, it was about the plane falling. Both those dreams caused her to wake up in terror, both affected her heavily even if in a slightly different way. Today the feeling of a broken heart - or more like broken illusions - wasn't there, replaced by the terror affecting every nerve in her body, by the feeling of falling along with the plane. Falling into the unknown. Falling towards certain death…

 

Julie opened her eyes widely and clenched her hands on the rim of the blanket she slept under like she was looking for purchase, for something she could hold onto so she wouldn't keep falling and eventually crash. Her heart was hammering in her chest as the nightmare was leaving her, the realization that she'd actually survived the crash washing over her along with relief. She was safe. At least she was as safe as she could be at the moment. She wasn't dying. She was on the ground.

 

She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, to lower her heart rate. Eventually, she managed to do it only to some point. Then she decided she wasn't ready to get back to sleep just yet. She needed to take a walk, to clear her head, maybe to reconnect herself with the ground. With the decision made, she got out of her tent. It was nearly dawn as she looked up into the sky, the air fresh and slightly chilly, a pleasant change from the humidity and heaviness that would soon return with the sun rising on the horizon. Julie took another deep breath, clearing her head and senses and when she stretched herself, she spotted that she wasn't alone on the beach, after all. Every single survivor except her was still asleep, but there was one person walking down the shore - Desmond.

 

"Can't sleep?" she asked him when making her way to him and hugging herself as the cold breeze of the morning enveloped her.

 

"I can't remember the last time I actually slept through the whole night," he admitted, somberly looking into the horizon.

 

"Bad dreams?" she guessed. "Join the club."

 

"Well, actually…" Desmond hesitated, not sure how much he could tell her. "I can't sleep because for the last three years I'd been entering the code to the computer down the hatch."

 

"Oh, right," Julie nodded. "I'm sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you managed that."

 

"Well, I had no choice and the alarm sounded every 108 minutes." He shrugged. Still, she could see him visibly tensing under the scrutiny of her eyes.

 

"You never told me about that time," she realized. "And I guess it must've taken quite a toll on you."

 

"I…" he started, looking at her briefly and then he just shook his head. "I can't. Well, there's not much to say anyway. I nearly drove myself crazy when being stuck in there alone and then when I thought my replacement arrived…" he came to an abrupt stop and he shook his head again, then picked up a rock from the shore and threw it back into the ocean.

 

"What aren't you telling me?" Julie got curious. "You told me about losing the woman you loved the first time we met. What could possibly be worse than that?" she asked with delicacy. "Desmond, you know you can trust me, don't you?"

 

"I thought once that losing Penny was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but then I realized that it wasn't true," he confessed. "Being in confinement, seclusion for so long with nothing but your own thoughts and voice as a companion is actually worse. Still, what I'm not saying isn't because I don't trust you. Jack and Locke already know. I just…" He sighed and looked at her, "I'm afraid that once I tell you, you'll never want to speak to me again."

 

"What? Why wouldn't I?" she asked in surprise, her eyes opening widely.

 

"Tell me why you can't sleep, Julie," Desmond inquired when picking up another rock. By now she knew him well enough to tell that when he tried to occupy his hands with something, he was generally troubled.

 

"I keep dreaming about going down, falling in a plane," Julie confessed, hugging herself tighter and shifting her feet in the sand. "I feel I'm about to die and there's nothing that terrifies me more. I've already lived through that, I felt it and… I relive it pretty much every night. It's horrible. Then I wake up and I know I'm safe. That I'm on the ground. That I'm alive and not dead, but… are we truly safe on this island? I don't think so. Maybe we won't be safe till the day we die."

 

For a moment there, Desmond was watching her face. He hated that she was so scared. He hated that she had to experience that fear all over again nearly every night.

 

"Well?" she prompted, waiting for him to say something. "If that was quick pro quo, then it's your turn, mister. What aren't you telling me? You know things that I'm scared of and things that made me feel humiliated in the past."

 

"I'm just afraid that once you know what I've really done, you'll refuse to speak to me again," he rephrased what he'd told her a moment ago.

 

"I don't understand. Did you kill someone or something?"

 

"Well, kind of," he admitted and she raised her eyebrows at him. "It was an accident…" he followed with an explanation.

 

"Wait, you're talking about the other guy in the hatch?" she guessed. "Then I know it was an accident. I already heard about that one."

 

"Does it matter that things we did were accidents when people lost their lives?" Desmond asked.

 

"People?" Julie frowned. "What do you mean?"

 

"You know that the code needs to be entered into the computer in the hatch every 108 minutes," he said and she nodded. "And do you know what happens when you don't do it?" This time she shook her head. "No one truly knows because in the end, everyone always enter the code in fear. But I got close to not doing it. The day my companion died. The day I found out that he'd been lying to me all that time and that I actually could go out without fear of being contaminated. He just wanted somebody there, he wanted another human being so badly that he chose to lie to me in order to keep me down there."

 

"It was a terrible thing to do," Julie agreed.

 

"Well, I get it now. I really do," Desmond admitted. "When he died, I was alone and I was so close to losing my own sanity that till this day I'm sometimes scared that I'll go crazy…" he stopped for a moment and then started again. "The day he died, I was late. I thought that if he lied about going out, then he could've lied about the code as well. I was wrong." Desmond met Julie's eyes evenly. "I came back to the hatch and everything was just… hectic there. I caused the system's failure and I barely managed to enter the code. I thought it was too late for a moment…" his voice broke off.

 

"So you did enter the code and everything went back to normal," Julie said, not understanding where he was going with this. "What's the problem, then?"

 

"The problem is that during that time a plane crashed on the island." His words stunned her completely and she could just stare at him with her eyes and mouth widely opened.

 

"Wait… what are you saying?"

 

"I'm saying that I crashed your plane," he rephrased, making it clear for her. "Me. It wasn't an accident. I did it."

 

They were both silent for a moment until Julie finally spoke. She said something Desmond truly did not see coming, "It wasn't your fault."

 

By that time, his back was turned on her like he didn't really want to see the look on her face. He didn't want to see the disappointment there, the understanding to why he'd called himself a coward and a failure the first time they'd met. He didn't want to see that she no longer liked him, that she actually hated him now.

 

"It was my fault!" he raised his voice slightly when swirling around and spreading his arms. "Mine and mine alone!"

 

"What Jack and Locke told you?" she wanted to know.

 

"Nothing. They never blamed me, but…"

 

"Exactly," Julie interrupted him. "They never blamed you because it wasn't really your fault." She came closer to him and looked up into his eyes. "If you need to look for blame, blame the man who didn't tell you the whole truth, who kept you down in the hatch by force, not allowing you to go home. If you want to blame someone, blame the Dharma Initiative. They built the hatch and conducted all those crazy experiments on this island. You couldn't have known. It's a miracle that you'd held on for so long down there when you weren't the one who actually volunteered for the job."

 

For a moment there, he thought that he heard her wrong. He didn't see any trace of hate or resentment on her face, just the opposite. She looked at him like she always did and as he thought of it more, she'd never been hateful of him. Suspicious that very first day, yes, but not hateful. She never judged him, but he also never judged her. Maybe most people wouldn't understand their problems and what they'd been through, but the important thing was that they understood each other.

 

"Don't act so surprised," Julie smiled to him, "and stop with that self-loathing and guilt, all right? You're a good man and if you did something wrong, it was by accident."

 

"It's always by accident, isn't it?" he asked.

 

"No," she denied, very sure of herself. "No, it's not. Some of us just choose to do the wrong thing like the others on this island. They took Claire while she was pregnant and you shouldn't touch a pregnant woman. They hung Charlie on a tree."

 

"All right, all right, I get your point." Desmond actually sent Julie a smile and it made her happy.

 

"Good." She smiled right back. "Now, let's go get some breakfast."

 

As they walked towards the makeshift diner on the beach, the rest was slowly getting up. Claire was holding Aaron in her arms and as she spotted Julie and Desmond making their way back to the camp, she smiled to Julie brightly and knowingly. Julie didn't really know what that kind of a smile implicated. She was just taking a walk with a friend, wasn't she? And so what that ever since she'd met him she'd been spending more of her time with him than with anyone else?


	3. Chapter 3

_"You are nothing to me! You were just a body to fuck!"_

 

Julie opened her eyes widely, waking up with a gasp. Once again she'd had a nightmare, but this time is wasn't the plane falling. She actually hadn't dreamt about that ever since her talk with Desmond at dawn. It seemed like once she told someone else about her nightmare, it became more bearable for her, like getting it all out made it possible for her to move past that and leave it behind her. Sometimes Julie thought that Desmond was the one person that kept her grounded, the one person who was preventing her from falling. It was a silly thought, she knew that, but she couldn't help it. It was nice to have someone who understood her and was simply there for her. Only Desmond wasn't there at the moment and she didn't want to run to him every time she was scared or had a bad dream. She wasn't a child. She was a grown woman and he was already older than she was, so she didn't want him to see her as a young girl who needed fatherly protection. At the very thought of that, she felt like gagging. She would never think of him as a father figure. She… Julie just shook her head. Another valid reason to why she shouldn't talk to Desmond at the moment was that she didn't want to tell him all the details about her first love and how her heart was crashed because of it. Even though she'd been in love with the idea of the man, it didn't mean it wasn't real. She experienced her first love this way and there was no going back. Everyone had baggage. Desmond had had Penny. She'd had that guy… And she needed to put him behind her once and for all because otherwise, she would never be able to move on and trust someone with her heart again. And she really wanted to be able to do that. She truly wanted to experience the kind of love she thought she deserved to feel. The requited kind.

 

She got up, feeling her heart still racing. What she'd dreamt of made her feel humiliated and diminished all over again. It was true that words hurt the most and she knew it from her own experience. To be told by the one man she'd thought she would spend her future with, that she was just a body to fuck, just a convenience, was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. She realized that it was even worse than the plane crash since it was a person berating her, screaming at her all the things she never wanted to hear. All the things that were her biggest fear coming true. It wasn't something she knew happened to her by accident like the plane falling. It was his own doing.

 

She pictured herself Desmond smiling, looking at her with that mysterious, yet significant expression in his eyes. She could truly see him there, in her future. She wasn't sure who he would eventually become to her, but she was sure that there was something there between them. Only just because she was careful, she tried hard not to wander off in her fantasies. She'd done it once already and gotten burnt pretty badly. Still, Desmond wasn't the guy she'd been with in Australia. Desmond seemed to be his complete opposite. He didn't deserve treating him with reserve and he also didn't deserve her pushing him away or keeping him at distance just because of something someone else had done to her.

 

Julie knew right then and there that if she didn't come to terms with her past, she would never be able to move on. She remembered all those looks Desmond was giving her every time she said something that indicated she was inferior, not good enough or just unlovable. At first, he'd been surprised, tried to convince her otherwise, then he'd just been angry both at her for ever thinking that low of herself and at the very person who'd made her feel that way.

 

"Well, it ends today," Julie said aloud since she was alone. She would deal with it. She would move on.

 

Only moving on suddenly seemed even harder since she was still stranded on the island with no hope to be rescued.

 

She left her tent with a sigh and then she stilled, frozen in place as she spotted something out of the corner of her eye. No, it wasn't possible, she thought. She decided to face her own demons, but she never meant it literally. Doing it this way just wasn't possible. Yet, she saw it. Right there, in the woods. He was standing there, partially hidden in the shadows. He was wearing his suit, his blond hair was cut in the recent fashion, the self-assuring smirk was on its place and his hands were stuck in the pockets of his pants. He was watching her, not letting her out of his sight, not even blinking. He was just standing there and laughing at her, at her own stupidity and naivety. Sure, let him laugh at the girl who loved too easily, she thought, once again feeling the familiar ache in her heart. Only she knew better by now. Her heart no longer swooned at his sight. Her breathing didn't elevate. She didn't feel hope for the future. She wasn't dreaming about him anymore. She'd done all of that and more and it hadn't brought her happiness, just the opposite.

 

Why did she see him? He wasn't on the plane, therefore he couldn't possibly be here, on the island. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Was she going crazy? Or did she just receive a proof that this island was a strange and haunted place? She heard stories about the survivors seeing things. Things that couldn't possibly be there. Was it happening to her now? Was she next? If so, why?

 

Maybe she shouldn't question it. Maybe she should just go with it. She'd wanted to deal with her past so she could move on. Maybe this was her chance. She wouldn't waste it. She wouldn't chicken out. She needed to be brave this time. He was waiting for her to come to him, to face him. She knew he was hoping she wouldn't. He was hoping she would turn out to be a coward, that she would go back into her tent and never get out again. Well, he had another thing coming.

 

Julie started off in his direction without hesitation, her heart beating faster, but not because of her feelings for him. This time she was simply scared.

 

There was no bravery without fear, she convinced herself and her steps didn't waver.

 

He saw her approaching and then he turned around, disappearing in the jungle.

 

She quickened her pace, running after him.

 

_They entered their hotel apartment in Sydney. She knew why he took her with him. She knew what he wanted to do with her and she was looking forward to it with both pleasant and nervous anticipation. She wanted it. She wanted this man. She wondered how much he would like the sexy lingerie she was wearing right now. She would soon find out. It was in his favorite color, after all. And it would be their first time together._

_He kissed her, his mouth demanding, his tongue darting out and disappearing in her mouth, his hands roaming through her back, resting on her ass and squeezing, then slipping lower, between her cheeks, touching her intimately. He was demanding. He took what he wanted and he took it fast. She could already feel him hard and ready against her, even if through the layers of clothing they both wore. Then the clothes started disappearing, and fast. And suddenly, she was in her underwear and he was half-naked. Then she was pushed towards the bed, being undressed, his hands all over her, his mouth followed. And then he was spreading her legs and sliding in, filling her, being even more rough, fucking her like he wanted to…_

_She lay awake whereas he was long asleep._

_She still seemed to be overwhelmed by everything that had happened that night between them. It'd supposed to be wonderful, it'd supposed to be about mutual desire and love and need and… there'd supposed to be fireworks. She'd supposed to explode. She'd supposed to want him as close to her as possible, as deep… She'd supposed to like the feel of his body on her, all over her. She'd never expected a slow and sweet love making. No, it wasn't about that. But she had expected it to be meaningful, overwhelming just the same. An awakening. Something that felt right. Instead, ever since he'd laid his hands on her it'd just been foreign, weird. She couldn't understand while it felt that way, like they didn't really belong, didn't click. They were just two bodies having sex, nothing more, nothing less. People who had feelings for each other should feel something more, shouldn't they? And she did love this man, didn't she? Yes, she was pretty sure she did in her heart, so why when he'd kissed her, undressed her, touched her and eventually entered, coming inside of her… Why didn't it felt real and consuming? Why did it just feel heavy on her? Like it was… wrong, she realized in horrification, but didn't want to admit that just yet. It was only their first time, after all, and they still had to learn each other's bodies. She'd come for him, hadn't she? Still, it was just a small explosion and she remembered having much better orgasms with just her own hand and her fantasies. Wasn't the real thing, real love, supposed to feel better than a fantasy? Or was it just overrated?_

_She kept on lying awake on her back with only the sheets covering her naked body and the presence of the equally naked man beside her. He rolled over to the other side as he was already sleeping and then she felt too naked, too exposed, like she was ashamed, but in the same time she knew there was nothing to be ashamed of. What they'd done was natural. Her body looked great. His as well. Why should she feel wrong and out of place in his bed?_

_She still took more sheet in her hands and covered herself up more securely._

_It would get better, she told herself. It was just new. She still believed they were meant to be, didn't she? Who else was out there for her? Who else she could belong to like this? He was beautiful and smart and their careers would be interwoven together for the rest of their lives. He was everything she could ever dream of._

_He needed to be it._

_Otherwise, she was just… lost._

The moment Julie stepped into a small clearing in the jungle, he disappeared. Still, she'd seen him just a moment ago, hadn't she? Whether this was just a figment of her imagination or some crazy projection made by the strange and wacky place she was stranded in, she had seen him.

 

"Where are you?" she asked into nothingness, her voice trembling as she was both scared to face him again and wanted to just get it over with in order to move on towards something better. She needed closure, not matter how hard it was for her to get one. "What do you want from me?!" she screamed.

 

Suddenly, she was struck by a brief moment of panic as she looked up into the sky. The sun was already high on the horizon. When she'd left the beach camp it was barely morning and now it seemed to be noon. She could feel her lips drying out, parched as she hadn't drunk or eaten anything for such a long time. Considering the place she was in, it wasn't a responsible thing to do to just venture out into the jungle when not telling anyone that she was leaving and not taking any water with her. What had she been thinking once she'd started following that apparition anyway? How stupid could she really be? It was like she'd been in some strange kind of a trance up till now. Maybe she hadn't seen anything at all? Maybe it was just a trick her mind was playing on her so she could punish herself? After all, she thought she deserved to be punished even if Desmond would scold her for that.

 

"Fuck this," she cursed under her breath. "Desmond was right. People make mistakes! I should just get over myself!" She turned around with the intention to go back to the camp, but in that very moment, her foot slipped and she found herself losing her balance and then tumbling down a small slope. She would've been fine if only she hadn't sprained her ankle… Sharp pain and panic affected all her senses for a moment and then her mind just shut down.

 

_They'd spent a week together and Julie knew that it wasn't working. She was more confused and lost than ever. She didn't know what she'd been thinking once she'd figured they would be a perfect match, that he would be a perfect partner for her. And he was only making things worse when standing there, in the middle of their hotel apartment, screaming at her. She didn't know what to think, what to do and where to go from there with her life and he was hurting her with every word that was coming out of his mouth. She couldn't take this now. She wasn't ready to hear all those offensives directed towards her. She was vulnerable at the moment, crashed by her failed hopes and dreams. How could he be doing this to her? Was it really happening? It was like the worst nightmare coming true… Her world was crumbling down around her and she didn't know what her life was anymore. She didn't see the sense in existing like this. Everything she'd ever believed in, been so sure of, was now being squashed, stepped on, betrayed and destroyed. And it was all his doing. The very person she'd expected to care for her. He'd supposed to just care!_

_"What did you expect?!" he kept on yelling as he didn't get any reaction from her besides the crying. "That I'd give you a ring and we'd live happily ever after?! I'm not that kind of a guy! I never was and never will be! Nothing you can ever do will change that! I thought you knew that! That you weren't such a stupid little child to expect more from me! Do I really look like someone who has time for this shit?! Do I really look like I want to settle down in some stupid, unrealistic fairy tale?! Wake up, princess! There is no love! It's all just an illusion! The best you can do is to stop believing this crap and enjoy life!"_

_Those words hurt her so deeply that she felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest and squashed. It wasn't that he broke it. If she discovered something, it was that she'd never truly loved him; she'd loved the idea of him. Still, her chest was aching all over that somebody could be cruel and heartless enough to say those awful things to her. Who was he to tell her that love didn't exist? Just because he'd never felt it or just because he'd been burnt in the past, didn't mean that she had to experience it, too. Well, now she did. All thanks to him._

_Somehow, she couldn't get a word out of her. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, to scream at him, yet, they just refused to leave her throat. All she could do was listen and cry and cover her face with her hands in shame._

_"Great, just fucking great!" he went on screaming, throwing his hands into the air in anger and frustration. "You know what?! I don't need this fucking shit! You want the truth?! You were easy! Almost too easy, really! No thrill of the hunt, nothing! Just a pliant, little woman, so desperate for me to fuck her! In fact, you're nothing to me! You were just a body to fuck! Now get the fuck out of here and out of my life! I don't want to see you ever again!"_

_That one thing she actually could do. She could spare herself more of that humiliation and embarrassment and just leave. Leave for good. Never see him again. Maybe leave with dignity if she still had some left… But she didn't. She felt defiled, used and betrayed. She felt like a piece of rug. A whore, even. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but it was still all her fault. She was the one to push it! She was the one to create this crazy fantasy in her head when she should've just let it go._

_She grabbed her suitcase with shaky hands, then went to the bedroom on trembling legs. She couldn't even look at the bed. She felt even worse once she did and was reminded of all those times she… and he… And he'd never cared about her at all. She was a human being, but to him she was something he could use, play around with and then just throw out._

_As soon as all her things were in the suitcase, she closed it and went straight to the apartment's door. She didn't even bother with folding her clothes neatly, she just needed to get out of there as soon as possible. She couldn't stand his presence anymore. She needed to be alone. She needed to clear her mind and maybe… someday… forgive herself? Or maybe she never would. Maybe this would haunt her forever. This and the realization that it was all her doing. Without her assent, without her pushing, she wouldn't be here right now. She slammed the door so hard she thought it might bounce right off, but somehow it didn't._

_It wasn't until she got to the airport, her mind all hazy, her senses on overload, that she realized she needed a ticket back home. Or a ticket somewhere, anywhere from here. She reached to her bag in search for her wallet, praying that she hadn't left it along with her passport back in the hotel apartment. She didn't. She had them with her. And inside was a ticket home. He'd done it. He'd bought it, she realized. He'd planned to get rid of her all along._

_"You fucking bastard," she murmured under the breath, no longer hurting. Now she was just furious at the guy and wished she'd slapped him hard when she'd still had the chance. She considered tearing the ticket into pieces, but then she decided that she wouldn't waste anymore of her own money. She was going home and he was paying._

 

When Julie's mind finally cleared enough for her to be able to think, she realized that she'd actually passed out there for a moment. The overwhelming feeling of terror overcame her once again as she started panicking. The sun seemed to be low on the horizon by now. Where was she? Was she even going to survive? How long had it been since she'd drunk something? Normally a person could last without water for a pretty long time, but those were extreme circumstances. She'd already been exposed to heat and now she could feel her head aching, her throat drying out completely. She desperately needed water.

 

"Ok, ok, just calm yourself down," she spoke out loud and tried to take deep, even breaths to lower her heart rate.

 

She'd fallen down the slope, sprained her ankle and lost her consciousness, but it wasn't anything life threatening. All she needed to do now was to get up, climb back that slope and find her way back to the camp. She could do it. She had to do it, she told herself and tried to heave herself up. She immediately winced at the pain she felt in her ankle and it took her a few attempts to finally stand up. As soon as she tried to put her injured leg down, she hissed in pain. Frustrated, she kept her foot above the ground and when standing on the healthy one, she looked up. How was she going to climb up there when using only one foot? She would have to crawl. At the very thought of that, she cringed in fear of any insects or possible snakes that might be hidden in the grass.

 

Maybe somebody had noticed by now that she was missing? She wondered. Maybe they were looking for her? Unfortunately, her thoughts were followed by a bitter feeling as she realized that no one probably had. She was the weird girl. She was the outsider. If she wasn't on the beach, they probably thought she was swimming or sitting somewhere far away from them, brooding over her pathetic existence. She was the lonely girl. The antisocial one. The girl no one cared about. And it was her own fault. She was the one to keep her distance in fear of getting burn again. She was the one to think she'd rather not talk to any survivor for longer than necessary because she didn't want to hear what she was so scared of. All the epithets she'd heard back in Australia from the mouth of the one person she'd thought she would never hear them, broke her, caused her to stop trusting people, to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. It was safer not to. That way she wouldn't be disappointed again.

 

Only the survivors from the flight 815 didn't deserve it. They had their own problems, their own demons. She wasn't alone in that, she realized. She'd been a fool to keep her distance, wallowing in her own pain, replaying everything that had happened to her in her mind over and over again. She wasn't unique in her problems because everybody had their own.

 

"And here you are, being pathetic again," she heard a voice that had once used to cause her heart to jump in happiness. Now she hated that sound more than anything. She hated everything about this man and she wished him to suffer, to die even. Why was she the one to wind up in a plane crash? Why hadn't he been here instead? He deserved it much more than she did. Maybe she didn't have the right to wish another being such awful things, even if the man had hurt her more than she thought possible, but she didn't care at the moment. She was done being the damsel in distress, done being the victim. She simply refused to anymore.

 

She wondered how many women had cried because of him before her and how many would after her. She knew that he wouldn't have taken her to Australia if she hadn't been so persistent in bumping into him, but she was also done feeling guilty. She'd taken a chance at what she'd felt at the moment was right. She'd gotten burnt, yes, but she'd still tried. She wasn't pathetic because of that. He was because he didn't have any respect towards women. She hadn't done anything wrong. He had.

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was time to forgive herself, time to deal with her past. She couldn't just go on living when hating herself for something she shouldn't even feel guilty about. Bad things happened to good people. Life happened. It was how you picked yourself up that mattered. And she was picking herself up now. It was high time for that. She'd already learnt from her mistakes and now was the time to be smarter about this and to start over.

 

She needed to face her demon even though, logically thinking, he wasn't there with her. He couldn't be. He was either a figment of her imagination or an apparition. She wasn't sure, but she didn't care. She needed to deal with that motherfucker once and for all and tell him all the things she should've said back in Australia. She just wished he'd really been there with her in the jungle, so he could hear her.

 

"I never really loved you," she said when looking straight into those cold, blue eyes. She was brave. She was done crying. "You never made me feel good. You think of yourself to be so perfect and so handsome, but in fact, you are the one who's nothing! You're just a pretty shell that hides the ugly inside! You're not even a good lover, for a god's sake! I don't know what women see in you anymore! I despise you and I choose to forget you and to forgive myself. You're nothing to me, do you hear me?! Nothing! You're not worth beating myself up! You're not worth wasting my life, wallowing in pain, staying away from people! I am done! I am truly done with you! Maybe I was in a plane crash because I ran away from you, but I am glad! Do you hear me?! I am fucking happy that the plane crashed because it freed me of you!" She came to a sudden stop, breathing the air deeply into her lungs and closing her eyes. She was thirsty, hungry and exhausted beyond belief, but she was also relieved. She felt liberated and light instead of heavy for the first time since she'd left that apartment to get to the airport in Sydney. He no longer wielded any power over her. She freed herself from his influence. She was her own person now. She was ready to move on, even if it meant doing it on this island. There was nothing holding her back anymore, no regrets, no guilt. There were just people to meet. People she was confident were mostly nice and suffering just like she'd had. People worth talking to and worth getting to know closer. There was Claire. There was Desmond. Somehow the thought of Desmond calmed her, make her feel hopeful for the future. He'd seen all of this in her before she even began to understand that none of what had happened to her was her fault.

 

She opened her eyes and the apparition was gone. She was truly alone now. Free. And that kind of freedom tasted amazing even if she still had a long way to go in order to get back to the camp. She could do it, she decided. She was strong enough. She would clench her teeth and push through the pain in her ankle. It didn't matter. There was a doctor on the beach who would take care of her once she got there.

 

Just as she was about to put her injured foot on the ground and move, she heard voices coming from afar. She froze, completely stunned, not able to believe quite yet that they might actually be looking for her.

 

Only they were doing exactly that, she realized as she was able to distinguish one of those voices. He was worried. He was scared for her. He had Scottish accent. He cared. He noticed her absence. He was looking!

 

Of course, he was! Why would she ever doubt that he would notice her being gone for so long? How on earth could she even forget about him? He was the one person she was confident that cared about her and one person was enough. It was all that she needed. All that it took to gather the rest to follow and look for her. They couldn't afford to lose people, not with the threat coming from the others. Not when they could be directly endangered by her disappearance as well. She was also reminded that Desmond had told her she helped the rest of the survivors every time they asked. She was doing it with a smile even when she didn't feel like smiling. And they remembered.

 

Julie didn't know whether she should start crying or laughing from her abrupt happiness. "Over here!" she settled on just calling out to them. "Desmond! I'm here! Please, help me!" quickly escaped from her mouth. She needed him there. She needed him to help her. And she didn't want anyone else to do it. For now, she didn't dwell on what it meant. She just wanted to get out of the jungle and find herself back on the beach. She needed water and food and rest.

 

There was some movement above her and then he was running down the slope, watching his steps as not to trip and finally, he was there, right by her side, his eyes scanning her frantically, looking for any possible injuries.

 

"Desmond!" she called his name again, so happy to see his concerned face, a huge smile forming on hers. He was truly worried about her, she could see that. She could see the twitch in his expression when he noticed the awkward position she was standing in. His care did something wonderful to her stomach. It flip-flopped and she suddenly felt lightheaded. Exhausted, dehydrated, hungry and overcame with heavy emotions wasn't a good mix, after all, and she stumbled, losing her foothold on the ground and falling directly into his arms. He caught her easily and she was overwhelmed again as she felt his arms going around her and he was hugging her tightly like he needed a physical proof by holding her that she was really there, that he found her and could finally stop worrying. She could feel the frantic beating of his heart as he held her so close and the heat coming off of his body as it came in contact with hers, the warm of his ragged breath against her temple and the prickling of his hair and the beard that he let grow back. All she could do was to just put her arms around him and hug him, too. She was too dazed to think, she could just act. Also, she finally felt safe. It finally felt right to be held.

 

"I'm here. It's ok. It's all going to be ok. You're safe now." She realized that he was whispering all those things to her ear in an urgent voice.

 

Apparently, it wasn't the end of surprises for her because the next second, she felt herself being lifted up and suddenly he was carrying her in his arms. He was carrying her back to the camp.

 

"It's just a minor sprain, nothing serious," Jack deduced when taking a look at Julie's ankle. "It'll heal on its own. You just need to avoid standing on it for too long for a couple of days or at least until the swelling goes down."

 

"Thank you, Jack," she said to him with relief evident in her voice.

 

"You're welcome." He smiled to her and patted her calf. "You were extremely lucky. It could've been worse. Good thing Desmond found you."

 

"Yes, I'm very thankful for what he did," Julie agreed, shifting her eyes from Jack to Desmond who was standing over them with his arms folded on his chest.

 

"All right, I'll leave you two. If you need anything or if you're in pain, just call for me," Jack finally said and stood up from his crouching position. "Take care of yourself."

 

"I will, thank you!" Julie called after him and then was left alone with Desmond.

 

"Hungry?" he asked with a smile on his face. He was finally able to relax now that he heard it straight from the doctor's mouth that she would be ok.

 

"Starving!" Julie answered overzealously and he laughed at that.

 

"Be right back," he said. "Don't move."

 

"Wonder where could I possibly go with my leg being immobilized and all," Julie noticed. He just chuckled and disappeared, coming back with food and bottles of water a moment later.

 

Julie had already drunk like two bottles, but she still felt a little thirsty, so she didn't hesitate to down another. Then she started eating and she could swore the Dharma package food had never tasted better in her mouth.

 

"Now, can you tell me what you were doing when going into the woods alone?" Desmond finally asked, looking at her expectantly.

 

"I just… I needed to let go of something and to move on," she told him the truth, even if ambiguously. "I didn't realize that I'd gone so far until it was too late. And then the stupid sprain happened." She threw her hands into the air. "All you need to know is that I finally let go of my past and forgave myself. It was time. I'd been scared for such a long time and now I don't even know why," she confessed.

 

"You got hurt, so it was only natural to take your time to heal," he said, picking a piece of fruit and putting it into his mouth, then chewing and swallowing. "You know, there is no point in fear," he suddenly told her. "It's a completely useless emotion that does nothing but hold you back."

 

"That's a good one. I'll remember this," she promised him and then sent him a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days passed by and Julie didn't complain about her ankle anymore. She could now take longer walks, which really came in handy. There wasn't much to do on the island to begin with and when you couldn't even move much, you were left with truly nothing. Claire had actually brought her a few books and magazines she'd snatched from Sawyer, but Julie couldn't read for a whole day long anyway. That was why she was so happy to finally take a longer stroll when not feeling any pain in her foot. In fact, she decided to finally make the long-delayed trip to the hatch to see how it all looked from the inside. She also had a secret agenda in mind.

 

"Julie, hi, how are you feeling?" Jack asked as soon as he spotted her walking through the door.

 

"Well, I need to admit that this is pretty impressive," she said when looking around and nodding her head. "As long as you don't have to spend three years down here in confinement, that is," she added, cringing as she reminded herself that the place which brought so much hope to the survivors of the plane crash was the very same one that almost drove Desmond crazy. She couldn't imagine herself being lock down here, completely alone. It was true that Desmond had eventually been able to get out, but only for a short period of time as the button needed to be pushed. And speaking of the button…

 

Julie made her way to the computer and then took a closer look at the counter. Desmond's words about how he'd been partially responsible for the plane coming down, came to her mind and she retracted immediately.

 

"Are you all right?" Jack repeated his question when making his way to her and placing his hand on her shoulder.

 

"Oh, yeah, yeah." Julie quickly nodded when turning to face him. "It's just… Desmond told me a lot about this place and none of what I've heard was actually a good thing."

 

"Yes, I guess I understand," Jack admitted. "It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?" Julie nodded again. "So, you and Desmond seem to be pretty close," he hinted when smiling to her.

 

"Ok, I'm not sure what to say to that, so could you please just take a look at my ankle?" Julie jumped to another topic. "After all, you told me you needed to check it up one last time."

 

"I could've come to you, you know," Jack just said.

 

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Julie informed when he crouched to look at her foot, "so I thought I would take a walk since I was bound to one place for so long. And I won't hide that the temptation of actually taking a real shower was too great to pass on."

 

Jack chuckled and then stood up. "Your ankle is fine."

 

"Thank you, doctor." Julie smiled to him. "Now, can I…?" her voice trailed off.

 

"Oh, sure, knock yourself out! The bathroom is that way." He pointed the right corridor.

 

"Thanks."

 

"We even have shampoo!" he called after her.

 

"How can I resist?!" she replied when already getting in the bathroom.

 

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As much as Julie loved her baths in the ocean, the shower in the hatch certainly came useful. It was truly a wonderful feeling to be able to use real soap and shampoo and to stand under the current of hot water. She was always very diligent when it came to her personal hygiene, so the lack of proper shower had taken its toll on her. She did her best twice every single day to find a secluded spot and clean herself up, but nothing could replace real shower cabin. She was already thoroughly clean, but still reluctant to get out of the steamy box into the cold of the bathroom. Eventually, she just sighed and turned the water off, grabbing a clean towel and securing it around herself as she stepped out of the cabin.

 

In that very moment, the door burst open, showing no one else but Desmond. Julie froze, but then she just yelled at him, "What the hell are you doing?!" And she immediately made sure that every important part of her was covered.

 

"I…" he started and cleared his throat, seeming to be just as surprised as she was. "Sorry… I thought no one was here. The door wasn't locked," he followed with an explanation.

 

"Well, it was locked, but it opens when you push it too hard," she told him. "I guess it didn't bother any of you, guys."

 

"Oh, sorry, then…" Desmond apologized, fumbling with words. Julie didn't remember if she ever saw him acting so awkwardly. Well, she was naked under that towel, after all, and she guessed every man - unless gay - would act the same way when seeing her, especially when stranded on what he'd previously thought of to be a deserted island. "I'll fix the lock, then," he offered.

 

"Good. Now, will you please just leave and wait until I get dressed?" Julie asked the obvious since he was still standing there like an idiot.

 

"Yes, sorry again," he repeated and finally, he left, closing the door gently behind him.

 

"Don't worry about it. Could happen to anyone," she said after him. And I'm glad it was you, she wanted to add, but she stopped herself. Jack definitely put some ideas in her head when she so didn't need them. She and Desmond had both been through some serious emotional trauma before they even landed on this island, so maybe it wasn't such a good idea for them to try to be something more than just friends. Especially in such a place, she added, so her mind would stay away from all those thoughts about her and him and… She swallowed when making sure she was dry before putting on a fresh pair of clothes. Still, even if something did happen between her and Desmond, at least they wouldn't have to worry about hygiene or birth control, crossed her mind and then she needed to chastise herself again. What was she even thinking?! She wouldn't just jump into anything like that. She would wait for the right man to find her, to make the first move. She was done, just done trying hard when the other person didn't. She'd learnt that the hard way, hadn't she? Besides, Desmond, though she liked the way he looked, the way he spoke with that irresistible Scottish accent and how saved her when she'd sprained her ankle, and hugged so… Julie shook her head, pushing the image of him bursting into the bathroom with his shirt opened, out of her mind. All right, she liked what she saw, but so what? He was an attractive man and that was it. He also was the only real friend she'd made so far on this island. Maybe the first real friend she'd ever had in her entire life. She wouldn't ruin it for something that might not even last in the long hold.

 

With all of that figured out, Julie finally left the bathroom. She heard Desmond talking to Jack in the computer room and they were laughing about something. She didn't want to know, in fact, she didn't even want to face them right now. She just silently sneaked out of the hatch, welcoming the cover of the trees with relief. Everything was more real out in the open as there weren't any dark corridors there. People dreamt braver things in the dark, didn't they?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sometime later that day, Julie spotted Hurley on the beach. He looked kind of troubled, so she made her way towards him and asked with care in her voice, "Hi, is everything ok?" As the words escaped her mouth, she realized that Desmond was actually right about her. She did care about other people a lot. Being attracted to someone's looks or not, really had nothing to do with that particular feature of hers.

 

"Yeah, I guess," he said, but the troubled expression didn't fade away from his face. "I was about to have my first date with Libby," he finally explained and Julie barely stopped herself from showing how surprised she truly was by that fact. She was glad she schooled herself just in time because the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Hugo, which once again proved to her that she wasn't a bad person at all. Besides, the guy's health was his own business and if he chose to eat a lot of junk food with low nutritional value, then there wasn't anything she could do about it. She could only take care of her own eating habits and do her best to accept other people just the way they were. Still, Hurley and Libby becoming an item surprised her. The woman was slim and beautiful and she evidently liked Hugo. Julie had no idea why, but apparently, there was something about him that captivated Libby and Julie could only be happy for the man. Or maybe not so much when judging from the fact that Libby wasn't there… "She went to get the blankets from the hatch and she's been gone way too long," Hurley finally voiced his concern.

 

"Wait… Hugo?" Kate overheard their conversation and purposefully made her way to them. Julie didn't like the look on the woman's face. Something was definitely wrong. Something had happened. "Hurley, I'm so sorry…" Kate started, only confirming what Julie already suspected. "Libby's been shot. Ana Lucia is dead. The man we kept prisoner escaped when shooting them and Michael," she explained in a slow and calm way so Hurley wouldn't start panicking, but how he could not?

 

Julie just stood there, shifting her eyes from Kate's grave face to Hurley's which was still in shock, processing all the information given. There was also something on the back of Julie's mind, something nudging at her. One small thing she forgot… Once she actually realized what it was, she felt herself stilling and having a similar reaction to Hurley's. The thing she'd forgotten wasn't small at all. It was big. In fact, it could change her whole life.

 

"Oh my God…" Her hands wandered up to her face to cover her mouth. "Is Desmond all right?" she asked Kate quickly, rather doing it that way than delaying the moment and waiting in dreadful anticipation. He had to be all right, right? After all, Kate hadn't mentioned him getting hurt. But what if they hadn't found him yet? What if he'd been in the bathroom, repairing the door only a moment ago and now was lying inside, bleeding to death? No, Julie needed to force those thoughts out of her mind. She didn't know anything for sure yet. She couldn't panic. She wouldn't.

 

"Eh… and you are?" Kate frowned at her, trying to remember if she'd seen Julie before.

 

"It's Julie," Hurley answered Kate instead, his voice surprised that she could truly not know. Poor good Hurley, Julie thought. "You don't know Julie? She and Desmond have been spending a lot of time together recently," he followed with an explanation to why she'd asked about the guy from the hatch.

 

"Is he all right?" Julie inquired again when grabbing Kate's arm, her voice growing more nervous by the second. She didn't care about delicacy anymore.

 

"I don't know. I haven't seen him for a while," Kate finally answered.

 

"He was supposed to fix the lock in the bathroom!" Julie exclaimed. "Oh God… And I was the one who asked him to! If something happened to him… I'm going with you," she decided fast. She needed to know. She needed to know if he was ok. He had to be ok. If he wasn't… What would she do? She'd opened herself up to someone again, she'd trusted him. She couldn't lose him now. That would truly destroy her and prevent her from any more of human contact in the future.

 

"Sure, but we need to hurry," Kate just nodded and immediately turned back in the direction of the jungle.

 

"I forgot the damn blankets," Julie heard Hurley's devastated voice as they set off, following Kate. "And she went to get them… I…" Julie could already tell where Hurley was going with this.

 

"It's not your fault, Hugo," she assured him when placing her small hand on his huge shoulder. "It was an accident. You couldn't have predicted it."

 

"You call that an accident?" Kate snorted. "She was shot because the prisoner got out! I can't believe that Jack and Locke even wanted to keep him there for so long! We shouldn't haven trusted him at all!"

 

Julie actually agreed with Kate, but it had seemed safe at first. The guy was locked up in the small room they'd been using as an armory before. The lock was secure, the guard always in place. Julie herself never actually met the guy, but she heard that he was pretty injured and then he'd gotten beaten up. How much of a threat could he really be? Still, he was the reason she'd kept away all this time even when she'd found out that she could take a shower in the hatch. Eventually, she'd given in and nearly forgotten about him. She'd needed Jack to look at her ankle and he'd been in the hatch, right next to the bathroom which suddenly seemed so tempting.

 

Only then Desmond had walked in on her and she'd complained about the lock and he'd offered to fix it. If she hadn't been there, he would've gotten out of there in time for sure. Now she didn't know if he had. She really needed to stop thinking because what she was doing was exactly what Hurley had done a moment ago. She couldn't blame herself for something someone else had done.

 

And then she saw him in the mid-way to the hatch. He was coming from another part of the jungle, carrying a basket full of fruits with him.

 

"Desmond?" Julie came to a sudden stop, shock and relief washing over her all at once. Yet, she couldn't quite believe that it was him and that he was all right.

 

"Did something happen?" he asked, dumbfounded. "Just so you know, I did fix the lock."

 

Kate and Hugo passed by them, not saying anything and disappearing further into the trees. Julie couldn't really blame them. If she was Hugo, she would be so frantic to get to Libby right now.

 

Now all she could do was to look at Desmond, taking in the fact that he was all right. That he was safe and sound and was just out picking some fruit. Added to that, the tone in which he informed her that he'd fixed the lock… It all melted her away completely. Did he really think she could still be angry with him for that? It was nothing in comparison to being shot to death!

 

"I don't give a damn about the fucking lock!" she just exclaimed and quickly closed the distance between them, jumping to Desmond, putting her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. He dropped the basket he was holding as she did so and automatically put his arms around her as well.

 

"Well… then what's this for?" she could hear his muffled voice close to her ear, although he did seem to enjoy the hug.

 

"You mean you haven't heard?" she asked in a shaky voice when she pulled away and looked him in the eye. She felt a little embarrassed by her sudden outburst of affection. "The guy they had locked in the hatch, escaped. He killed Ana Lucia and shot both Libby and Michael," she began explaining. "Hurley's on the way there and… he was about to have a date with Libby… and I like Libby…" Julie just now began shaking as all that happened finally sunk in once she knew Desmond was ok. "And I thought… I thought you got hurt, too, because you were there earlier. You stayed there longer than you needed to because of me. I thought…" her voice wavered and she was dangerously close to tears. She stopped talking, refusing to start crying in front of him.

 

For a moment, he just watched her intently, listening. His face grew more concerned with her every word and when she finally stopped talking, he said thickly, "It's all right. I'm fine. I am fine," he repeated and then reached his arms to her, pulling her into another hug.

 

When his warmth enveloped her, she felt safe as always when being near him. Also, her heart started acting out, beating a little faster than natural. She found herself being affected by this closeness more than she would like to admit. Was it possible that he'd, too, seen her in a different light recently? Maybe he'd always had. Maybe she had, too, only she refused to admit it because she'd gotten hurt so badly in the past by another man? All in all, there was something between them that ran deeper than just friendship and she eventually had to admit it. Unless this somehow was what friendship should look like and she just didn't know, taking everything for the beginning of something more. One way or another, she chose to take it all slow and enjoy the moment. Besides, if he did feel something, he should know that she would never make the first step. She was just too scared to do so.

 

"We need to see if they're ok," she finally said when pulling away from him because his body next to hers started affecting her in ways that she'd rather avoid right now. No, definitely not just friendship, she decided and took his hand in order to pull him towards the hatch.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Funerals on the island were never easy. Julie remembered some of them being quite awkward since sometimes they couldn't find anyone who knew the deceased one. There were also the painful ones at which she saw so many eyes filled with tears. Yet, the only funeral so far that she'd attended and actually grieved for someone, was Shannon's. She hadn't had time to get to know the girl well, both because Shannon had died so fast and because Julie had still been an outsider back then. But she'd talked to her more than to anyone else at the time and they'd exchanged some clothes, after all. Julie had had a lot of unnecessary lingerie and not enough clothes that she could actually show herself in on the island and Shannon had never asked her any personal questions about that. Somehow Julie could tell that the blonde had had a lot of bad experiences with guys and she hadn't asked any questions to spare Julie shame and pain. Everyone had seen Shannon as a silly girl who'd had a rich daddy and hadn't really cared about anyone and anything else but herself. That wasn't the truth though. Julie had seen it and Sayid had seen it, too. Once Shannon had been shot, Julie had gotten most of her clothes since there wasn't really a woman on the island who could wear a similarly small size. Claire had been pregnant at the time and Kate had only been wearing cargo pants and simple t-shirts, having no care in the world. Julie still didn't know what happened to the underwear she'd given Shannon and she didn't really want to. Shannon had been pretty serious about Sayid before she died and Julie didn't want anything of that stuff back.

 

And now, she had to attend, yet, another funeral and for the second time on the island, she actually grieved for the person. She hadn't had much time to get to know Libby either, but the woman had never gotten angry with anyone. She'd been nice and always offered a smile and a helpful hand. She'd also started dating Hurley right before her death. There was truly not a person present that didn't like Libby.

 

"I thought that talking to someone new, getting to know them and liking them would actually help. That it would make me happy to be around people," Julie told Desmond shakily as he stood right by her side. "But all I feel right now is pain. I liked Libby. She was so nice when I talked to her those few times. I thought we could get closer and now… Why do we keep losing people here? Especially when we can't really afford it. I don't want to die and I don't want to be left all alone," she confessed. She felt Desmond's arm going around her as he pressed her gently into his side, trying to make her feel better, to give her his support.

 

"It's just the way life goes, Julie. It doesn't matter if we're stranded on the island or we're out there among the civilization. We lose people. We will always lose people. They will always keep dying either by accident, choice or of an old age or disease. But they give us so much more than just pain. They make us feel while they're still with us… And don't worry, you will not be left alone and you will not die. I won't let that happen, I promise."

 

His eyes locked with hers for a moment and she felt confused again. Sometimes he said or did things that would indicate that he thought of her as more than just a friend, but then he didn't do anything, he was just there, always offering her comfort or a good word. She was probably reading too much into things and should be simply grateful that she'd made a really good friend. Maybe he was right, maybe it was true that there was more to human relations than pain after the loss. Right now Desmond, just by his presence, was making her feel so much better. She still felt sorry for Libby, but she had someone next to her who offered her support and, thanks to that, made it all more bearable. Julie could only hope that she was doing the same for him.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that day when the sun was setting, Julie was sitting in her favorite spot on the beach, just watching the sky when hugging her knees.

 

"Are you ok?" she heard Desmond's voice as he made his way to her.

 

"Do you realize that you keep asking me this question nearly every time you see me?" She turned to him with a smile that bordered on annoyance. "You should stop. I am fine. In fact, I was just thinking about everything that happened on this island. And once we got here, we actually thought it was deserted!" She laughed at that, but then stopped, her expression growing more serious. "Do you know that I'd been at impasse for over fifty days before I met you?" she then asked him when raising her head to be able to look at him. He met her gaze and then lowered himself to sit down by her side.

 

"That seems like a very long time," he admitted.

 

"Yeah. Back then I didn't want to know how much time had passed in fear I would panic that I'd wasted so many days," Julie confessed. "But today… Libby's funeral got me to thinking and I decided I wouldn't waste anymore. Life's too short and too precious for that. People who hurt us in the past don't even deserve our tears, so the best way to deal with them is to just let them go."

 

"I know it sounds so simple, but in reality it really isn't," Desmond told her.

 

"I agree. After all, I just now figured that out." Julie shrugged. "And I wanted to know how much time I let just slip through my fingers, so I asked Claire. Over fifty days brooding over my past and my mistakes. It's high time to let it all go."

 

"I thought you've already done that. The day you sprain your ankle," he noticed.

 

"Yes, I did," she admitted, "but today I just… I just decided not to waste time. Maybe it sounds silly, considering where we are, but…"

 

"No, it doesn't. I've wasted three years stuck in the hatch, pushing that damn button. I'm done wasting my time, too. That's why I escaped as soon as the opportunity presented itself," he explained. "I left Jack and Lock with the button even though I knew they weren't my replacements. I just bailed on them. I couldn't stand this place and yet, something brought me back here once again." He smiled bitterly at her.

 

"I'm sorry," she just said, trying hard to hide that he actually hurt her a little by telling her that. Would he rather not know her at all?

 

"I don't regret it, you know," he suddenly added, meeting her eyes sidelong, "crashing here again, I mean. I'm fine as long as I don't need to be stuck down there again."

 

"I'm glad to hear that. To be honest, I don't know where I would've been right now without you. You were the one to wake me up somehow, to push me towards people. I'm finally becoming a part of the community here and I need to thank you for that. How did you even do it?" she wondered.

 

"Maybe I just have a good influence on you." Desmond winked at her and then a smile illuminated his face. "And you're very much welcome."

 

"Is there something I can do for you for a change?" she asked in a serious voice. "Like… I don't know, help you deal with your own loss? Or your time in the hatch?"

 

"I already did that," he said. "It's me that I can't deal with," he added ambiguously and then decided to explain. "I loved Penny, but she was a daughter of a rich and influential man. He never approved of me and that kind of made a bad impact on our relationship. It wasn't what I would like it to be and to be honest, I'm not sure how we would've worked out in the end… Penny's father simply thought I was unworthy of her and that kind of… stuck," Desmond confessed. "Hence my opinion of myself as a coward and a failure. After all, I was never good enough for her. I could never give her the kind of life she deserved. She earned so much more money than I ever could."

 

"Her father was wrong," Julie said, very sure of her words. "It doesn't matter how much money you earned. I'm also sure that she didn't care about all the pretty things you couldn't buy her. You are a good and honest man, Desmond, and these are hard to find."

 

"It's funny because she said something similar to me once." Desmond actually smiled.

 

"See?" Julie smiled at him brightly, too. "It doesn't matter what her father thought. You weren't dating him, you were dating her!"

 

"When you met me, I was drinking," he suddenly pointed out. "Was that a good first impression you had of me? I did look back then exactly like what I thought of myself."

 

"Well, I haven't seen you drinking ever since, have I?" she retorted.

 

"That's because I don't have a problem with alcohol. Back then… I just needed something to ease the ache and disappointment with myself. I was ready to give up… and then I met you and suddenly, I had a reason to go on. So I guess… you've already helped me, Julie." He faced her and for a moment, their eyes locked, not really sure how to read one another. "I discovered a new path thanks to you and I am going to prove that I am not a coward," he informed her.

 

"I'm glad to hear that, but just so you know, you don't need to prove anything to me. I never thought you were one."

 

"I need to prove it to myself, so I could believe it for a change."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next day at sunrise, Desmond found Locke.

 

"You still pushing that button?" he asked him without preamble.

 

"Hello to you, too, Desmond. This is going to be a nice day, don't you think?" Locke started the conversation politely, not sharing the Scotsman's impatience. The older man's voice was calm accompanied by a pleasant smile formed on his face.

 

"I need your help. We're going to destroy it," Desmond just told him, ignoring the weather comment. That picked Locke's attention.

 

"I'm listening," he encouraged Hume to tell him more.

 

Desmond had been pushing the button for way to long and with no apparent reason. It was true that it recharged the magnet and protected it from destroying everything around it, but if the magnet itself was neutralized, there would be no need for the button. Even though now it wasn't really Desmond's problem, he still woke up at nights, drenched in sweat, hearing the piercing sound of the alarm, reliving the day the plane had crashed on the island because of his own inattention and unawareness.

 

He still had the failsafe key. The whole operation should work, he thought, it would have to work. He would free himself and all the people who were stuck down there now, forced to take shifts which should have been his own. This way he could prove to himself that he was brave, that he was willing to sacrifice himself if there was need for that. After all, he had no way of knowing what would happen to him once he would turn that key. He needed to deal with his own past just like Julie had dealt with hers. This was now the only thing holding him back and he needed to get past it, to conquer it, deal with his own fear. He just needed to let it go.


	5. Chapter 5

Once Julie got up this morning, she had trouble spotting people she usually talked to or spent time with. The beach itself looked strangely abandoned like the population of the survivors had dwindled overnight. Where was everyone? She wondered. Out in the jungle hunting? Taking walks? Spending their time in the hatch? There was also one person she couldn't find, but it wasn't like she expected him to always be there. She was sure he had better things to do than just spending all his time with her. Still, she was a little bit worried when he'd told her the night before that he would prove something to himself. What could it possibly be? What was he planning? Surely nothing dangerous, she hoped.

 

"Hi, Claire," Julie finally spotted a person she actually knew and liked. In fact, she and Claire had been getting closer recently and Julie hoped they would become good friends. The young mother looked equally abandoned as she couldn't leave Aaron and venture out into the jungle like Kate, Jack and Sayid kept on doing. "Do you know where everybody is?" Julie asked after the initial greeting.

 

The blonde was just checking up on Aaron in his cradle. She then met Julie's eyes and smiled to her knowingly when informing, "If you're asking about Desmond, the last time I saw him he was going somewhere with Locke."

 

"I wasn't and don't you look at me like that," Julie said, taken aback. Claire just laughed in response.

 

"Come on, you and Desmond are practically our new Adam and Eve," the young mother didn't stop her teasing.

 

"The what?" Julie frowned when situating herself in the hammock Claire slept in.

 

"When we found the caves, there were two bodies in there. Somebody made a joke that those were our Adam and Eve, so when Jack and Kate got so close, we started calling them that. I still can't believe there's actually nothing going on between those two. The chemistry they share is so obvious!" Claire sighed and sat right next to Julie.

 

"Well, there's also nothing going on between me and Desmond," Julie made it clear.

 

"I think you would be great together and that you actually like him a little too much for him to just be a friend," Claire dared notice.

 

"Maybe," Julie just shrugged, seeing no point in lying to the woman. She trusted Claire by now and knew that she wouldn't just go off and tell everybody. Claire was very trustworthy and very nice, also easy going and cheerful, which was the reason Julie felt so drawn to her in the first place. "The truth is that I've had a pretty rough past when going after a guy that I wasn't supposed to be with. Needless to say, it didn't end well and now I'm overcautious. I actually promised myself never to make the first step again," Julie confessed.

 

"Well, they say when a boy really likes a girl, he'll eventually chase after her," Claire smiled to Julie and patted her arm. "So you don't have to worry. If he feels the same, he'll make a move. You don't really need to do anything but be his friend right now."

 

"So far no one's chasing after me," Julie pointed out, working hard to rid herself of all those romantic notions Claire tried to seed in her mind. Julie knew her friend meant well, but she'd rather not think too much of Desmond these days. "Now… Where is everybody?" Julie repeated her previous questions, proving to Claire that she'd really just asked that before to get a straight answer.

 

"Michael wanted to go get Walt back, so Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley went with him," Claire notified, her expression betraying her own opinion. She didn't like that in the least.

 

"And Hurley went as well?" Julie made sure, sharing the blonde's belief that it wasn't the best plan Jack had ever come up with.

 

"I guess it's because of what happened to Libby," Claire explained. "He would hate to just sit around here, do nothing, whereas the rest had an opportunity to get their revenge."

 

"Oh…" Julie saw the reason behind Hugo's actions, but she still didn't understand why the rest had let him go with them. No offence to the guy, but wouldn't he slow them down if they had to run or react very fast?

 

"Yeah," Claire uttered when noticing the dubious look on Julie's face. "Then Sayid took Desmond's boat and sailed off with Sun and Jin. They're supposed to meet Jack's team on the other side of the island."

 

"If you ask me, the boat trip seems much safer and more pleasant than the trek through the woods," Julie voiced her opinion.

 

"Agreed." Claire nodded towards her once again, glad that they understood each other so well and shared their points of view.

 

They were silent for a moment and Julie found herself watching Aaron wiggling around in his cradle.

 

"Can I ask you something personal?" she suddenly blurted out, really desperate to hear the mother's side of things.

 

"Sure," Claire agreed with no reservations. "Just shoot. We're around the same age, so I guess we should stick together. I wish you came around much sooner, you know? Kate is great, there's no denying that, but she's always running after something and I'm always left behind since I can't possibly leave Aaron."

 

"Yeah, about all those days I stayed away… I was just…" Julie started to explain herself.

 

"You don't have to tell me anything. I understand that we all have our issues and after the crash it wasn't easy to adjust to this new reality."

 

"I was just… lost," Julie told her anyway. "I have no better way of expressing myself."

 

"I understand," the blonde assured her. "And don't you think I haven't noticed how you came around just in the same day Desmond did. He stirred something inside you, helped you, am I right?"

 

"I can't believe you're still pushing that!" Julie pretended to be offended, but her laugh told Claire that she was just playing with her. "Seriously, Claire, just stop. If something happens, then it happens, you don't have to play a matchmaker."

 

"But there's so little to do here to have fun," Claire complained.

 

"Well, then go find it somewhere else."

 

"All right," the blonde pretended to pout. "I'd had my share of wild days before I got pregnant, so it's just hard for me to be the perfect mother everybody here thinks I am."

 

"I heard that you wanted to give Aaron up for adoption," Julie dared say, coming back to what she wanted to talk about. "And I just wanted to ask… Claire, are you happy being a mom? I mean… I don't want to sound rude, because you obviously love him, but you've been through so much pain and hardship because of this baby," she followed quickly, trying to smooth things up.

 

"Well, all I can say to you is that it's all worth it," Claire answered when tugging her baby in, not insulted by Julie's questions at all. "I love him more than anything and he's the one person in this world who really belongs to me, at least until he grows up," she added and they laughed together. Still, Julie's expression grew serious again.

 

"I'm afraid of ever having kids," she suddenly confessed. "I hated them once and now… I just don't know. I've never really been around them until Aaron and…"

 

Claire reached out and touch her friend's hand. "When the time is right, you will be all right, Julie, I promise. I really wish I could say that when the right man comes into your life, you'll be ready, but look how well that one turned out for me."

 

They laughed again and Julie was glad for Claire's depreciating sense of humor. At least it didn't feel as bad as she thought it would to ask about all the things which had been nagging at her.

 

"It's true that babies change your whole world and your whole perspective and it's not about you anymore, you know? It's actually kind of scary," Claire went on, trying to explain as best as she could. "But still, the love you feel is completely unconditional and I think it's all worth it. You'll never feel something like this if you decide not to have a child. It's… I can't even describe it. It's not about me anymore, it has nothing to do with sex and desire that is so entangled into romantic love. It's just pure and ever-lasting, no matter what, which you can't say when it comes to relationships... Just take it from me, I was so sure I would give him up and once I gave birth to him on this island… nothing will ever take him away from me. Nothing. I will always be his mother and I will do anything in my power to protect him even if it kills me. That's just the way mothers are." She then smiled fondly at the little boy in the cradle.

 

Julie pondered over what she just heard for a moment and then said, "It's surprising, don't you think? The island, I mean. Despite it all, it did a lot of good to us. I don't want to sound crazy, but… I let go of all the pain of my past and realized all my mistakes. I managed to get past it somehow and find peace. And you know you want to keep your baby. If we hadn't crashed, maybe you wouldn't have."

 

Claire nodded in agreement.

 

"Yeah, there's something mysterious about this place and I think I knew it from the very beginning. Did you hear that Locke was on a wheelchair before the crash?"

 

"Really?" Julie got interested.

 

"The moment he landed on this island, he could walk again. No one can explain it. It's a miracle. Then I talked to Rose and she said she'd had cancer, the kind that would kill her within a year, and now she seems just fine."

 

"That's… truly interesting… and scary, actually." Julie bit her lower lip. She really wanted to know why those things kept happening to them and what was causing them. Was it something special on this island? Something in the water? But no, that didn't make any sense since Locke hadn't had the time to drink any the moment they'd crashed. So what, then? The air they were breathing? Some healing power of the plants? What other explanation could there really be? And why Desmond, even though trying to get out, had crashed back on it again? He'd told her that he hadn't really had any reason to get out with nothing awaiting him back in his home country, but still... Something had pulled him back to the island. Something hadn't let them all leave so far and they'd tried with the raft, hadn't they? Also, the help wasn't coming. Was something just keeping it from getting to them? Why?

 

"Do you want to hold him?" Claire asked, her voice reaching Julie like through a very thick wall. "Julie?" she said her name. "Hey, are you all right? I hope I haven't freaked you out too much when telling you all those things about the island."

 

"Oh, no, you haven't." Julie shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. "I was just thinking about this place, but I can't figure out anything that could be remotely plausible."

 

Claire smiled at her sympathetically. "Yeah, I can relate."

 

"It's especially hard for me because I just graduated college and so far, I was always able to find the answer to my every question."

 

"Well, welcome to the real world. You'll not always be able to find the answer to life, Julie."

 

"Yes, I know, I've learnt that the hard way, trust me." Ever since Julie had graduated, she'd thought she'd known it all. She'd been convinced that she'd even known what the future held for her. Only she'd been so, so wrong. Sometimes she couldn't truly believe how naive she'd been once.

 

"Before you zoned out I was asking whether you wanted to hold Aaron," Claire informed her.

 

"Oh, I don't know…" Julie hesitated when looking at the baby. She seemed to be more scared of him than Aaron could ever be of her. In fact, the boy was curious when his eyes settled on her. "What if I hurt him or hold him wrong? What if I break him?" Julie asked, feeling panic washing over her.

 

"Nonsense! You couldn't possibly hurt him. I know that. I trust you," Claire assured her and then she just stood up and picked her son up from the cradle. "Here, just try it. It'll be fine, I promise."

 

Julie finally yielded, figuring that she could as well give it a try. She reminded herself Desmond's words when he'd told her that there was no point in fear. Why would she be afraid of something so natural as holding a baby? She stood up as well and gently took Aaron from Claire, surprised that holding him the right way wasn't hard at all. He was so small and seemed so fragile as she took him that she was scared to even breath. Her eyes met his blues which looked at her with curiosity, the little hands reaching out to her. In that moment, Julie found herself smiling and a pretty strange feeling washed over her. This little boy was completely and utterly dependant on his mother. He wouldn't survive without somebody taking care of him and that was just scary. Julie could nearly understand Claire's need to protect him and to be with him every hour of the day. Still, these parts didn't seem as terrifying to Julie as some others she was particularly afraid of.

 

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The moment Julie was holding Aaron for the very first time, marveling at the feel of the small baby in her arms, Desmond inserted the failsafe key and turned it.

 

"I love yo…" he started, but he never finished, interrupted by the overwhelming whiteness and noise that enveloped him completely.

 

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In one moment everything just went white, accompanied by a shrilling, defeating noise that seemed to vibrate from somewhere within the island, affecting everything and everyone around. Julie could feel the ground shaking beneath her feet and she experienced a headache at the ringing in her ears. She couldn't really decide if it was because she heard the strange noise or it was some kind of an impulse that was messing with her body and senses. Still, she didn't care about herself at the moment. She was terrified to realize that she was still holding Aaron in her arms. Aaron, the small, helpless child who couldn't do anything to protect himself and therefore, he needed to be given that protection. There was no time to hand him over to Claire, so Julie just acted purely on instinct when covering the small body with her own, trying to shield him from the noise and the vibrations, praying for it all to stop soon before her body would give up and she would be forced to drop the baby. No, something deep within her screamed, steadying her, making sure she was strong enough to hold on just so she could protect the baby.

 

And then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped, leaving them all temporary dazed, not hearing anything but the constant ringing in their ears, waiting for the deftness to subside. Julie just stood there, Aaron pressed into her chest, her arms around him. She slowly took a deep breath, then released it, made sure she was still standing, that her heart was still beating and that she was still alive. Just then she was able to open her eyes and took in her surroundings. Nothing seemed changed. They were still on the beach on the God forsaken island. The camp looked like it always did. So what the hell just happened? Julie wanted to know.

 

Claire got to her, reaching her shaky hands for the baby, making sure Aaron was all right.

 

"He's fine. He's ok," Julie assured her, but she wasn't sure that the blonde could even hear her at the moment. Claire was just as preoccupied with making sure Aaron was all right as Julie had been a moment before, doing her best to protect him. Then, eventually, Claire relaxed when hugging her child, seeing that he was all right. She schooled herself and nodded at Julie, voicing a silent thank-you with her mouth.

 

In that moment, Julie felt like there was something wrong. She could hear something suspicious, like a whooshing sound just above her, something flying…

 

"Claire, watch out!" she screamed and pushed her friend away as hard as she could the moment she realized that there was something about to land in the sand. As Claire stumbled and tried hard to regain her balance with Aaron still in her arms, the thing buried itself with a dull thud just in the exact spot the mother and child had stood a moment before. Both Julie and Claire exchanged terrified looks as they realized how close Claire and Aaron had just been to dying.

 

"Oh, my God, Julie," Claire finally exhaled. "Thank you… Thank you so much… You saved us both today."

 

Only Julie wasn't listening to Claire anymore. She was too preoccupied with examining the piece of metal that had just fell from the sky. It was the hatch lid with the red letters painted on, forming the word "quarantine".

 

Somebody started screaming, a shrilling and full of terror noise and then Julie realized with horrification that it was coming from her own mouth. She forced herself to stop, paralyzed in fear.

 

Charlie ran out of the jungle, clearly attracted by the scream he must've thought came from Claire.

 

"What happened?!" Both Julie and Claire got to him the moment they spotted him.

 

"What happened to the hatch?!" Julie followed with another question, trying hard not to panic, but it was getting harder and harder every time somebody on the island seemed to be in danger.

 

"Nothing happened," Charlie said dully, looking at everyone blindly. "We're ok. Everything's ok." He still seemed to be in a slight shock, which then only elevated when he spotted the hatch door.

 

"Charlie, calm down and tell us," Julie wasn't letting it go. "What happened to the hatch?" she repeated persistently.

 

"It… It just imploded. There's no hatch anymore," Charlie finally complied with his eyes still widely opened. "I don't know how… I mean… Locke and Desmond… and it imploded…" He just spread his hands helplessly.

 

Julie felt like the ground disappeared from under her feet. Her worst fears were just coming true. How could she be getting through this once again when only a few days ago she'd been so scared Desmond might've gotten shot? And now the hatch? What was he even thinking? Had he tried to destroy or neutralize the magnet, so he could finally let go of the place that had taken three years of his life and nearly driven him completely mad in the process? Had he wanted to prove that he could do it just so he could think of himself to be brave? Had he even thought of her when making this decision?

 

"Julie!" Claire called after her when she just turned in the direction of the jungle and marched towards it purposefully. The young mother wanted to follow her friend to make sure she was all right, but Charlie stopped her.

 

"She'll be fine. It's all over. Just let her go," he said when placing his hand on her arm.

 

Claire just nodded, reluctant to leave Aaron with Charlie who still seemed to be a little out of it.

 

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Desmond opened his eyes, looking around with his pupils dilated. He felt confused for a moment there, had no idea where he was and what had happened to him. He'd been… What had happened to him exactly in the last few hours? He started wondering. Why was he on the island again? He closed his eyes, wincing as he tried to make sense of all those strange memories and thoughts bombarding his head. The last thing he should remember was turning the key in the hatch, yet… He blinked a few times, took in his surroundings. It was definitely the island.

 

Eventually, he heaved himself up and looked around, spotting the hole in the ground that had used to be the bunker and in the same time realizing that he was naked. What had happened to his clothes? Why would he lose them and not his body? Why was he still alive?

 

You're special, Desmond. You're destined to do this, a voice, a memory (?) appeared in his head and he pressed his hands to his temples as pain invaded them. Only as soon as it all started, it stopped and he knew exactly where he was and what time it was. He did it, he realized. He'd proven to himself that he was capable of sacrifice, of risk, of becoming the hero people needed. He'd been brave for a change and he'd set everyone on the island free of the button. He was still alive and the implosion didn't seem to hurt anyone, so it was a huge success.

 

"… Julie," he said her name, remembering something important, a knowing smile forming on his face.

 

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Julie finally reached the hatch - or what was left from it - she realized as she covered her mouth with her hands, taking in the destruction all around her. There was no hatch, she was simply staring at a messy hole in the ground, filled with bent and twisted objects that had used to be… furniture? She wondered. Metal shelves? If this had happened to the objects, what could have possibly happened to Desmond? She wondered, her body trembling with fear by now. She might actually never see him again, never talk to him. She might never see his eyes looking so deeply into hers. She might never get to see him smile or never get to touch him. She might never tell him… She swallowed over the lump forming in her throat. It still hadn't sunk in that he might actually be gone. She'd been protecting herself, raising walls around her heart and kept waiting for somebody else to make the first move… Oh, who was she kidding?! She'd been waiting for him maybe from the first moment she'd talked to him and now she felt like she'd wasted so much precious time. Again.

 

"Desmond?" she asked in a voice that was too quiet for anyone to hear. She just needed to believe he was all right. She couldn't accept the horrible truth. She wouldn't. If she did, then she would break down completely and she wanted to delay that moment for as long as possible. She wanted to feel hopeful when she still could. "Desmond!" she finally raised her voice and suddenly, she did hear something. She froze, trying to figure out whether it was just her imagination or it happened for real. Only she did hear it again! The hope that surged straight into her heart left her breathless, her spirit elated. He was alive! She didn't know how it was possible, but he was somewhere out there, calling her name and he was all right!

 

"Desmond?!" She finally moved, running towards the source of his voice, still having trouble believing that she might be so lucky to get another chance. "Desmond, what happened?! Are you all right?!" she called him when spotting something moving in the bushes. She ran there and then came to a sudden stop. "Wow!" Julie exclaimed and quickly looked away, raising her hand to cover her eyes. "You're naked!"

 

He looked down on himself like he just now realized that he should've put something on first and then reacted to her calling him. For the lack of a better option, he hid behind a tree.

 

"Julie, I did it!" he exclaimed in exaltation, eager to share the news with her right away. "You were right! I can do something right! I actually did something brave for a change!"

 

"And you're running naked in the jungle to celebrate?" Julie asked, clearly teasing him. It was either that or… she didn't really know. The whole situation was completely bizarre. One moment she'd been scared out of her mind because she'd thought he might've been dead and now, that she witnessed him actually being alive and well, she walked in on him being naked. What was that all about? And why she couldn't force her face to stop burning?! Then, out of the sudden, she burst out laughing and just couldn't stop. The whole situation seemed so comical to her at the moment and she didn't really want to cry.

 

"Sorry," she apologized, barely able to speak as she was still laughing. "I think I'm in some kind of hysteria right now," she admitted, finally forcing herself to calm down and even out her breathing. "I was with just spending time with Claire when the blinding light came and the hatch door almost crashed her and Aaron! Then I was screaming, frantically looking for you again, mind you! And now… Now I'm just laughing because I can't cry about my life anymore!" She stopped talking, breathing the air into her lungs deeply. "So, can you tell me what happened?" she asked, looking at Desmond's face and avoiding lowering her eyes. He was behind a tree, but even though all the important parts of him were covered, she was pretty sure she would be able to trace the outline of his hipbone down his leg and… Focus, girl, she told herself, shifting her sight to the bushes around them like she suddenly spotted something of a great interest there.

 

"Locke destroyed the computer," Desmond started explaining. "I told him not to do it. I had this failsafe key that could possibly free us from the button when neutralizing the magnet, but I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't cause any damage. After all, we could've all died. I thought we should just talk about it first, check the box the key went into, just to be on the safe side. Well, the usual patient Locke decided he was betting on fate this time and… you can figure out the rest."

 

"Great, that's… just great… yeah… terrific," Julie said and nodded, looking everywhere but at Desmond. She did hear every word he just said, but she was embarrassed that her face was still blushed and she couldn't understand what had pushed her to ask him all of that now when he was standing there being completely naked.

 

"Julie, do you think you could bring me some clothes? At least some pants?" he finally asked sheepishly.

 

"That won't be enough," she murmured under her breath when she finally turned away to walk back to the camp with relief washing over her. All that tension she refused to name at the moment got to her head and prevented her from thinking clearly. She felt like she needed air and it didn't even occur to her that she did have it since she was outside.

 

"What was that?" Desmond asked when not hearing her clearly.

 

"Right away!" she corrected herself in a voice that didn't seem to truly belong to her. When she made a few steps in the direction of the beach, she could finally breathe normally, thankful that she wasn't in that awkward naked situation any longer. What was it with them walking on each other naked, anyway? She'd had a towel wrapped around herself when he'd done that, but still… Julie just shook her head, feeling like laughing again. Yeah, definitely some strange kind of hysteria, she decided.

 

"Charlie," she said when making her way to him and Claire as soon as she spotted them. "Can you do me a favor?" she asked when eventually standing right next to them.

 

"Sure, what is it? Have you found Desmond?" Charlie asked, looking like he was back to normal. The shock must've worn off by now.

 

"Yes and he needs… he needs pants and a shirt. Yes, definitely bring a shirt, too," Julie said and once she did so, both Charlie and Claire looked at her like she was crazy.

 

"He, what?" Charlie made sure he heard it right.

 

"When the hatch imploded, Desmond suddenly found himself lying naked in the jungle. He saved us all and he survived. We just don't know what happened to his clothes," Julie followed with an explanation. "So, can you bring him some?"

 

"Oh, yeah, sure," Charlie shrugged. "I guess even more wacky stuff happened on this island. Like polar bears," he added when retreating.

 

"So," Claire started, elevating her eyebrows, "did you take a good look?"

 

Julie didn't have to ask what the blonde was talking about. The image of Desmond's naked body, even if she'd looked away way too fast to see all the details, haunted her mind.

 

"No, not really," she said, shaking her head and feeling her cheeks turning red once again. "I was too embarrassed."

 

"But you liked what you saw. I can tell from the look on your face." Claire laughed cheerfully, looking at her friend like she wanted to tell her 'I told you so!'.

 

"I did, damn it!" Julie admitted. "No point in lying or denying it any longer." She sighed heavily and sat in the hammock, watching Aaron's sleeping form in his cradle. "How is he, by the way? All right?" She gestured towards the boy.

 

"I won't pretend that I don't see what you're doing." Claire raised a finger at Julie. "You're trying to change the subject, but it's fine. I get that you must feel mortified right now. And to answer your question, yes, Aaron is fine, all thanks to you. I'm really grateful, Julie. You saved both our lives today. In fact, you protected Aaron twice. I don't know how I will ever repay you." Claire took Julie's hand and squeezed gently. "Thank you." She repeated when looking her in the eye.

 

"Don't mention it. It was the right thing to do. And you don't have to do anything for me, just you being here is enough." Julie sent her a smile. "I never really had a friend in my life and, despite the misery the plane crash brought me, thanks to landing on this island I found people whom I actually like and care about," she confessed when evoking the faces of Desmond, Jack and Hurley in her mind and now she could also add Claire and Aaron.

 

"Well, I'm here for you," Claire assured her, pulling her arm around Julie and giving her a hug. "And I'm not going anywhere even though there's truly no place I could go…" she added, her voice trailing off and they both laughed. Yes, finding humor in tragedy was the best medication for pain, Julie decided, truly tired with crying and worrying.

 

Soon enough, Charlie and Desmond emerged from the jungle and luckily for Julie, Desmond did wear a pair of pants and a shirt. Then he purposefully made his way to her and Claire. Julie's heartbeat fastened up again as she discovered that she didn't know how to act around him anymore. Then she was just confused when he actually addressed Claire. "Would you mind if I repaired the hole in your roof?" he asked the last question any one of them expected to hear and they all sent him a strange look.

 

"My roof is fine," Claire said when frowning. "But thanks anyway?" It sounded more like a question than a statement and Julie wasn't really surprised. Desmond's behavior was definitely bizarre at the moment. She also noticed the imperceptible frown on his face and then she spotted him biting his lip like he was thinking hard on some solution. A solution to what? What was it with the roof that bothered him so much?

 

"Desmond, are you all right?" she asked him when jumping to her feet and getting to him just in the moment he turned around with the intention to walk away. She momentarily forgot about her own awkwardness around him, the feeling replaced by genuine worry. Maybe things between them hadn't changed so drastically as she'd previously thought, after all. Maybe they could still be friends and act normal around each other?

 

"Yeah," was all he said to her.

 

"What was that all about?" she prompted when falling into step with him.

 

"Nothing. I was just trying to be helpful," he said, clearly brushing her off.

 

"Hey, don't do this to me," Julie protested and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and just look at her. "You're shutting me out. Why?"

 

"I'm not… It's just…" he started, then stopped when he couldn't find the right words to say to her. Eventually, he made the few remaining steps towards the shore and picked up some pebbles to throw them back into the ocean.

 

"I can see that something bothers you." Julie tried again when standing right next to him. She hugged herself, feeling some distance between them, something that hadn't been there before. She couldn't understand it. Was it because of the way she'd found him in the jungle? Still, she was reluctant to talk about it. Reluctant to talk about the way she felt and how confused she actually was in his presence.

 

"I survived something nearly impossible to get out of," he finally spoke, his voice softening, honesty coming back to it as he threw the last pebble into the water and faced her. "And I can't explain why I woke up in the jungle next to the hatch when I'd been inside it, causing the implosion. Why didn't I die?"

 

"But that's a good thing, isn't it? You didn't die. You're still here," she said. "Besides, weird things happen on this island all the time." Julie remembered what Charlie had said before. She was silent for a moment, accepting that Desmond either wasn't ready to talk about what had happened to him or he just didn't want to tell her. Or maybe there was simply nothing to say since he didn't know anything. Julie could live with that, could accept his reluctance to share that information with her, but she would not let him keep her distance from her. She needed him in her life, she was sure of that now and would fight to keep him there, to keep them close. Even if all they would ever going to be was friends. "Just before the implosion…" she started, "I held Aaron for first time," she confessed. She needed to tell him that. He seemed to be the only person who could understand her where it came to the subject of kids since he'd known her better than anyone else on the island. "I'd never really held a baby in my arms before."

 

"How did it feel?" was all he asked when studying her face.

 

"I don't really know…" She shrugged, shifting her eyes towards the ocean. "He was so tiny and I realized how dependant he was on others, on us… Anyway, the point is that… when I was holding him, the hatch imploded. There was that blinding light and the almost unbearable to the ears sound and those vibrations..." She nearly shivered at the memory. "And you know what I did?" She turned back to Desmond, finding the understanding there again, the bond that had been established between them still strong. She could see it all in his eyes. He cared and it was all that mattered to her at the moment.

 

"Tell me," he encouraged her in a low voice, but he seemed to already know.

 

"I protected him, Desmond. All that mattered was protecting his life, not mine," she confessed in awe.

 

"I knew you had it in you," he just said when placing his hands on her shoulders and squeezing gently. Julie smiled in response and for a moment there, all that mattered was the warm touch of his hands on her, the depth of his gaze, just the presence of him alive and well. Once again she'd come so close to losing him that she didn't want that anymore.

 

"What do you say that we'll go eat something? It's been a long and exhausting day," he eventually suggested and she just nodded, smiling to him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Even though Hurley made it back to the camp, he didn't bring good news. Jack, Kate and Sawyer had been abducted by the others because Michael had betrayed them. Michael was the person responsible for the shooting in the hatch and freeing the prisoner as well. Now, he apparently sold his friends so he and his son could come back home. Julie was worried about those three who'd been taken, especially about Jack since she'd managed to get to know him well enough when she'd sprained her ankle. What was going to happen to them? She wondered.

 

Right the next day in the morning, Locke had given a beautiful speech about how they would get them all back, but what he could really know? Julie thought. He couldn't be sure they would succeed and he couldn't know how many others were out there. Would they even win if they went against them?

 

Having heard enough, Julie ventured off to talk to Claire and found Desmond putting up a strange construction right next to the mother's tent. Julie came closer and frowned, trying to decide what it was supposed to be. She wasn't sure if she should ask since Desmond was very sensible about certain topics lately and refused to tell her nearly anything. She could feel that he kept her in the dark and was worried that they were growing apart, even despite their previous conversation about Aaron. In fact, she also started worrying that something serious had happened to Desmond during the hatch implosion and that he might be losing his mind.

 

"Are you into some new kind of art?" Charlie finally asked as he was with Claire and the baby.

 

"It's just an experiment, brother," Desmond answered in a friendly voice and then made his way to the food tent to join Hurley. Hugo seemed to be very interested in the strange thing raising from the ground as well.

 

Julie made the few remaining steps that separated her from Claire and Aaron and she looked at Desmond with curiosity, still trying to decide whether she should just go over there and ask him straight what it was that he was doing. The moment their eyes locked, the lightening stroke the exact spot where Desmond had built the metallic thingy. Julie just stared at it, wide-eyed and in a slight shock. She didn't seem to be the only one. And then, the realization came over her - Desmond had built a lightening conductor and it worked as the strength of the lightening was neutralized just like the hatch had been. The question, yet, was how did he know that the weather would change so drastically? How did he know it would strike that exact spot? Why had he wanted to fix Claire's roof the day before? To get her and the baby away from there and if that hadn't worked, he'd come up with another idea?

 

Only when Julie shifted her eyes back to Desmond, he was already gone.

 

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She had enough. She'd been doing just fine before. She'd managed even though she'd been so close to her breaking point. There was nothing she could actually do about being stranded on the island so there was truly no point in sulking.

 

But now Julie had truly enough, coming dangerously close to losing it completely.

 

With every day passing by, she'd been worrying more and more about Jack and the others. Locke wasn't really doing anything productive to get them back, so she knew right away that the whole speech was bogus just to ease up the rest. Maybe he'd been serious at the moment, but he really couldn't do anything for Jack and the rest without endangering the lives of the survivors. He couldn't just drag them all across the jungle to attack the others. First, there were too many women and even a few men who wouldn't do well in a confrontation like that and Claire had just had her baby. Besides, if everyone who was strong enough ventured off, who would stay to protect the rest? Risking everything to save the lives of three people just wasn't worth it, especially when those people had gone on their own free will. Still, Julie was worried and she wished she could know what was happening to them. That was the reason to why she set on a trip with a couple of survivors to a station called Pearl. She need a distraction from her all-consuming thoughts, something to take her mind off them. Also, Desmond was going, too, (by the way, why wouldn't he just button up completely that pretty blue shirt?! The sight of his slightly exposed chest made it difficult for her to focus. She did notice that his muscles were nice, gained from the hard work on the island rather than from the endless workout in the gym like her ex).

 

Everything seemed to be going all right and they reached the Pearl station with no surprises along the way. The situation, yet, changed when they were force to leave it. Mr. Eko went outside first and then Julie followed since the air inside the newly discovered bunker was stuffy; also, the couple that had gone along for the ride, started arguing, which made the decision to leave that much easier. As soon as Julie stepped outside, breathing the still hot and humid but at least clear air deep into her lungs, she found herself being an accidental witness to Mr. Eko's death. It was truly the very first time she saw the black smoke the survivors talked about and she once again found herself frozen and terrified of what she was seeing. It wasn't even the worst part. What was actually worse was the fact that there was truly nothing she could do to help. Mr. Eko was mysteriously caught by the strange black force, then raised up into the air and smashed against trees and ground so fast and with such precision that it caused Julie to just stand still with her eyes widely opened and feel so devastatingly helpless. She didn't know the guy well, but he always seemed very nice and kind to everyone. She also never saw him losing his patience. Why bad things happened to all the good people on the island? She wondered. Her scream attracted the others, but obviously it was too late to help Eko. His back, brain… maybe everything, was by now probably destroyed, smashed as the smoke abandoned his body and disappeared.

 

"What's wrong with this island?!" Julie yelled when looking at the dead and battered body. It was just lying there like a rag doll. "What keeps hunting us down and killing us?! I've had enough! I just want to go home!" she wined, knowing that she was being extremely childish at the moment, but she couldn't help it. It was just too much. Her whole life she'd been safe. She'd had an apartment, a safe place to live in. She'd finished college. Even when she'd flied to Australia, she'd still felt that safety and comfort of the modern world. Even when she'd gotten her heart broken, she'd felt that safety. And then the plane had crashed and she couldn't feel it anymore. She knew that planes sometimes crashed, but the odds were nearly impossible for her to be in one, especially when she didn't fly at all. Yet, it'd still happened to her. She'd survived a plane crash. In fact, it should've been a miracle, but instead, it'd transformed into a completely new nightmare that seemed to be even worse than the crash itself. This one was going on endlessly and no one could stop it. This one was still there while she was sleeping and while she was awake. Something on this island was dangerous. Something that clearly was supernatural, out of this word, even if they all refused to believe it. How else could any of them explain the black smoke and the weird sounds it carried?

 

"Why did I have to get on that stupid plane?!" Julie went on, truly being hysterical now, her mind refusing to admit what was happening, refusing to accept this as a reality. She must've been sleeping! She would wake up soon and she would find herself in her own bed in the small and cramped apartment she'd lived in back in America. "I should've known not to accept anything that that man bought me! I just wanna go home!" she repeated, feeling like an insolent child when shaking and crying her eyes out. Both Sayid and Locke just stood there, rendered speechless, not really knowing what to do in such a situation. Then, there was the couple she didn't know that had decided to come along. It looked like the girl made a step towards Julie, probably with the intention to go to her and comfort her, but then she didn't have to because Desmond was suddenly right there by Julie's side. Desmond was taking her into his arms as she sobbed and he nearly made her feel safe again. Only then she realized that his shirt was wet and it wasn't because her tears were soaking it. It was perspiration, which meant excessive humidity, which meant that it wasn't home. They were on the bloody island and she would never be safe there. Not really. Safety was just an illusion in such a place.

 

"You're safe," Desmond chose that exact moment to whisper into her ear, which only made the situation worse because she knew he was lying to her. "You'll be ok," he assured her in a soft whisper only she could hear.

 

"You can't possibly know that!" she said in anger and pulled away from his embrace. "Eko said we would be next! I heard him! I'm not safe! None of us is! You won't help me if the smoke comes for me! You won't be able to stop it!"

 

"Locke has a theory that it lets those with pure hearts go and the only thing you've done wrong, Julie, was falling for the wrong guy. And still, he was the one to hurt you," Desmond said, his voice persistent as he tried to make her understand.

 

"You don't know what I did," she said bitterly, shaking her head frantically. "You just don't know me that well! There was so much hate in my life once! Hate for people, for kids, for everyone! And I was so egoistical! I didn't care about others' suffering! All I cared about was myself and my own comfort!" she screamed it out for all of them to hear.

 

"You're not that person anymore," Desmond calmly answered. "We all make mistakes sometimes."

 

"But it's whom I used to be and you can't just wipe that clean," she argued with him, still crying.

 

"You can," he disagreed again, his eyes desperate for her to get better, to listen to him. "You did exactly that when you decided to change."

 

She shook her head again, couldn't believe that he didn't understand. Just because someone learnt from their mistakes, it didn't mean what they'd done was erased. They'd still hurt some people, they'd still been rude to them and caused them to feel bad. Something like that didn't just go away. So what that she'd gotten hurt by the man she'd thought she'd loved? So what that she was here, on the island now? She'd still done so many bad things. She was better because of what she'd learnt from them, but it didn't mean she was safe. No one was safe anymore. Maybe not ever. With that thought she just turned away and started off towards the beach.

 

"Julie, you can't go back alone!" Desmond called after her, trying to stop her in concern for her safety.

 

"See? Not safe at all!" she shouted back, but did not stop. She couldn't stay there any longer. They kept losing people and she didn't know how long she would hold on before giving up completely. What if she was next? What if Desmond was? Or Aaron? Or Claire? She wouldn't survive that. She'd already gotten through losing Shannon, Libby, Jack, Kate and hell, even Sawyer! She might not like him all that much, but he was a human being and he'd been through hell just like she'd had. He'd survived the plane crash just to be abducted and who knew if he was still alive anyway?

 

Desmond caught up with Julie, not letting her go alone. Still, she didn't say a word to him all the way back. He might as well not be there at all. She chose to just stop thinking, stop worrying, going completely numb, turning off her brain. Numb was good for a change.

 

In that very moment, Desmond promised himself to do anything in his power to get her out of this hellhole, even if he would have to pay with his own life for that. She wanted to go home and he would make sure she'd get there.

 

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Once they reached the camp, Julie retreated to the shore and just sat down there alone like she'd used to do before she even met Desmond. It was getting dark fast and she knew she should go to her tent and try to maybe fall asleep. After all, it was a tiring day. Still, she couldn't bring herself to move. She wasn't sure she would even be able to close her eyes and drift off. Not after what she'd seen that day.

 

The night was a rather cold one and she shivered, hugging herself. Suddenly, there was a blanket being wrapped around her and Desmond joined her.

 

"I think I'm truly hysteric now, Des," she finally spoke to him as he remained quiet, being just this strong presence next to her, offering her support. "I don't know how I can keep doing this," she went on. Maybe he refused to speak because he was afraid she would start screaming at him again and tell him to leave her alone. "I'm not sure for how long I can stay on this island and not go crazy," she confessed.

 

"You're not crazy," he finally said, his voice confident.

 

"Really?" she asked bitterly as she looked at him. "I'm completely numb, then I'm screaming, laughing and finally, I'm crying. It's hysteria, Desmond. I'm losing it."

 

"I'm here," he simply said, meeting her eyes and looking at her warmly. "You're not alone anymore. You have me to hold on to, Julie, I promise." He put his arm around her and brought her closer to his side, trying to give her his strength, to share his warm and his faith though touch. "Something tells me that you will get out of this island and you will be happy," he then added with just as equal confidence.

 

"You can't possibly know that," she sighed, "unless," she continued, frowning on the memory of the lightening conductor. "Does it have something to do with the fact that you seemed to predict the lightening strike? You made that hole in Claire's roof up to get her out of there, didn't you?" she asked, curious about that one. In the same time, she snuggled closer into his body, seeking the warm comfort he offered and then resting her head on his shoulder.

 

"Maybe," she got an ambiguous answer.

 

"Desmond," her voice grew serious, "when are you going to be honest with me?"

 

"When you'll be able to handle it," he simply said and she actually understood. She didn't want to push him now. She didn't think she was emotionally and psychically ready to hear whatever he had to say to her. She'd seen enough bizarre and unexplained on this island to know that it would be huge and life altering. She just wanted to stay in her comfortable position for now, just sit there with him, feeling his body so close to her, feeling connected to him.

 

The truth was that Desmond didn't really know if she would get home, but he would make sure that happened just the same. He would do anything for her, even for the cost of his own life. She didn't belong to the island, to the wilderness and danger. She belonged somewhere safe. She deserved a home, a family, a man to take care of her, to love her completely. He wasn't sure what would happen to him once this was all over, so he didn't dare in his wildest dream to see himself as said man.

 

To his astonishment, Julie actually feel asleep when snuggling up to him. He could see now how her face slowly relaxed, all the worry and turmoil of the passing day gone, calmness setting over her. She seemed so fragile and delicate as he held her, yet he knew she was exceptionally strong. He sat there for a moment, cherishing the time he got to spend with her and then, he gently picked her up and carried her to her tent. She didn't wake up, which only told him how exhausted she truly was. He stood there for a moment, in the darkness of her tent, the only light coming from the moon and the stars above them as it crept inside through the crack he made. He had to leave eventually, he schooled himself, resisting the nagging urge of just lying down next to her and holding her in his arms for the whole night. Instead, he left, keeping his guard outside. The small distance keeping him from her almost causing a physical pain in his chest. He really had it bad…

 

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If Julie thought she would be able to get some respite the next day, she was wrong. She barely woke up and was just eating breakfast when Desmond dashed out of the jungle, ignoring her completely and running straight towards the ocean. Without coming to a stop, he just threw himself into the water.

 

Julie, followed by Charlie and Hugo, ran to the shore, scared for Desmond. She was still worried that he might've been a little unstable after what had happened in the hatch, so she had a brief moment of panic that he was possessed and would drown himself. And then she heard it. Screams. A woman was screaming.

 

"Claire?" Charlie said in disbelief, frowning and putting his hand to his forehead to see clearer in the blinding sunlight.

 

Julie gasped as she took in Desmond carrying unconscious Claire out of the ocean and she could only stand there, completely frozen once again, as he tried to revive her. Eventually, Claire came to, sputtering water and looking around in confusion.

 

"It's ok. You're ok," Desmond assured her as he was the closest one to her at the moment. "You were drowning, but I heard your screams and saved you," he informed.

 

"How did you hear her?" Charlie asked suspiciously. "You were out in the jungle and I couldn't hear her from the beach, man."

 

"Well, I guess I have a good hearing." Desmond shrugged it off and made sure Claire got safely to her tent.

 

"Good hearing my ass," Charlie murmured under his breath and followed them, still scared for Claire.

 

Julie was standing still for a moment, thinking hard about something. There was something there, at the back of her mind, trying to find its way to the surface. She was so close to figuring it out, so… And then Hurley said, "Dude can see the future." And everything crystallized in her head. She'd seen enough proof, hadn't she? Yet, it was so hard to believe. How could Desmond just wake up after the hatch implosion and find himself able to foresee things? Only how else could she explain the lightening strike? And now the drowning? And he'd tried to tell her what had happened to him the night before, but she'd still been shaky after seeing the black smoke murdering Mr. Eko.

 

Julie decided she needed to know the truth now, whatever it might be. She decided she was done grasping at straws. She was ready to talk to Desmond. Only when she made her way to him and Charlie to whom he was talking to, she heard something that she couldn't actually accept. Desmond just told Charlie he would die and so far, the Scotsman had apparently been doing everything to prevent it, to save his life, but nothing seemed to be working.

 

"It's wasn't Claire, Charlie," he informed as Charlie could only shake his head at him. "It was you. You were the one who died in the lightening strike and just this morning, you jumped to the ocean when you saw Claire drowning and you drowned in the process."

 

"No, no." Charlie kept on shaking his head. "You're crazy! You're nuts!"

 

"Charlie…" Desmond tried one more time when making a step towards the guy.

 

"No! Get away from me, freak!" Charlie pushed him away and left.

 

Desmond only sighed heavily, putting his hand to his forehead and closing his eyes. That was the moment Julie decided to announce her presence.

 

"What is wrong with you?!" she confronted him when standing right in front of him. "You can't just predict someone's death! You can't walk around, telling people they're going to die!" She was so angry with him and just couldn't understand him at the moment. She hadn't thought it would ever happen, but it was happening right now. She felt like she was looking into a stranger's face.

 

"I don't tell people. I just told one person," Desmond said in a calm voice when meeting her eyes. "And I happen to be right, Julie. I told you, you weren't ready to handle it and I was right about that, too," he added sadly.

 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" she rebuffed. "Who are you, really?"

 

"Why won't you believe me if you've seen the evidence yourself?" he wanted to know, his voice growing angry as well.

 

"I used to believe the impossible and I still do," Julie finally said in a much calmer tone when closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. She was tired with all those revelations, but she went on anyway. "I believe that there is a certain person destined for us, Desmond. The so-called one and that we can eventually find that person. I believe that we have certain gifts, talents and we need to use them and they determine our future. I also believe some things are just meant to happen to us, but I do not believe that someone can predict someone else's death. Centuries ago, people were dying like flies because there was no medicine and look at us now. We can sometimes cure even the most helpless cases."

 

"It doesn't prove anything," Desmond argued. "If someone is meant to…" he tried to continue, but she stopped him, raising her hand.

 

"I wrote to a few fortune tellers in my life," Julie confessed, "and guess, what? None of them was right. They just kept telling me what I wanted to hear at the moment. They had a certain gift, I give them that, because they never actually saw me or talked to me live and yet, they knew what I wanted, what I was planning to do, but this has nothing to do with foretelling the future. It's reading the person's aura at the very moment, in the present."

 

"Still, I…" Desmond tried again, be she kept on talking.

 

"I believe we make our own luck. And also, I believe that faith can move mountains. If you believe something bad is going to happen, it happens. The other way around is more tricky and requires more faith, but it can happen, too. I know, I did that one already, although I never saw the consequences. You need to remember the consequences, Desmond!" she reminded him urgently.

 

"Then believe in me!" he asked in desperation, his face conveying too many emotions at once. "Have faith in me!" he tried one more time, nearly begging her now.

 

"No, Desmond." Julie just shook her head even though it pained her to see him like this. "I can't. You believe that someone will die and I will not help you make that happen."

 

"Julie, just please…"

 

"Stay away from me, all right?" she asked although it truly hurt her, too, maybe just as much as it hurt him. Even though they weren't a couple, it seemed final like a breakup and Julie, for the second time in her life, felt like her heart was breaking, like she'd once again invested herself emotionally in the wrong person. A person she'd thought was different than what she saw right now.

 

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The next few days weren't easy for Julie. She slept, she woke up, ate, did some exercising, talked to Claire and some others survivors and then she went back to sleep. Everybody noticed the visible strain in her relationship with Desmond, but no one dared say anything. In fact, she didn't even see the man that often. He was always somewhere out in the jungle, either with Charlie or Locke, hunting or doing God knew what. When she did get to see him, she only got brief glimpses of him, keeping her eyes off of him completely. She wasn't ready to face him again, to ask if he'd come to his senses. She wasn't ready to let go, yet in the same time she felt like she'd already done that. Her heart felt broken, but she refused to think about it or feel it. Instead, she was doing whatever she could to help around the camp only to keep herself busy. Claire was the closest friend she had at the moment and luckily for her, the blonde also refused to ask any questions about Desmond. Maybe she felt that Julie wasn't ready to talk about it and knew that once that changed, she would be the first person Julie would turn to. Only talking honestly to Claire would mean revealing what Desmond had told Julie about Charlie and that wasn't a good idea in Julie's opinion at all. The more days passed by, the more depressed and restless she seemed to become. The truth was, she missed Desmond. She missed his presence, his laugh, the way his eyes always looked into hers. She simply missed being around him, feeling his closeness. Yet, how could they ever go back to what they'd had if she lost her faith in him completely? What he was asking her was impossible to believe and understand. She couldn't just accept that he not only could predict the future, but also someone's death. Especially when that someone was her best female friend's boyfriend. No, she wouldn't believe that Charlie was meant to die. It wasn't Final Destination, it was reality and real life didn't work that way.

 

Finally, one afternoon, everything changed.

 

It happened when Julie, Claire and Rose were talking when preparing dinner and heard some excited voices and cheers, followed by, "I can't believe it!" coming from Sun.

 

Once Julie looked in the direction everybody seemed to turn to, she gasped on seeing Jack along with Kate and Sawyer, coming out of the jungle. There was already a crowd of people around them, welcoming them with hugs. Julie found herself smiling brightly for the first time in days. They would be all right again, she thought and felt peace washing over her. Jack was back. Their doctor, their leader. They would be all right now when they had someone who knew what he was actually doing. What was more, he survived the captivity of others. He could provide them with much needed information.

 

Claire was already walking towards the newcomers and Rose just set off in that direction, so Julie finally made a step, too. Claire was just hugging Kate, Rose was welcoming everyone she encountered and then Julie, when avoiding going straight into Sawyer's arms, spotted Jack right next to him. He just let Sun go, his face tired but illuminated with a smile.

 

"Julie," he said her name when he spotted her, the smile still in place.

 

"Jack, I'm so happy you're back!" she told him, falling into his open arms and hugging him tightly. "Are you all right?" she asked straight into his ear.

 

"Yeah, yes, I'm fine," he assured her when letting go off her. "All in one piece."

 

When Julie took her eyes off Jack and said hi to Kate, she actually spotted Desmond standing in the distance, watching them. She shook her head, refusing to be worried by him now.

 

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That night on the beach everyone seemed to be celebrating. They had a big fire and they were talking and laughing. At least it seemed like everyone was having fun, Julie figured when sitting all by herself near the fire, just staring into the flames.

 

"Are you ok?" she heard Jack's voice as he came over to her.

 

She raised her head to look up at him and just shrugged when not actually speaking.

 

"Do you mind?" He pointed the place right next to her and soon, he was sitting there, also looking at the flames. "So… what happened?" he prompted.

 

"Nothing," she answered. "Well, the hatch imploded, but I guess you already know that."

 

"That's not what I'm asking. I want to know what happened to you. You and Desmond had been nearly inseparable before I set off to find the others. Now…" his stopped for a moment, then finally finished, "now he seemed to be eying you all night whereas you're just sitting here, refusing to even look at him… Actually, now he's eying me suspiciously," Jack added and Julie laughed. "So what's that all about?"

 

"It's… complicated," was all she managed to say when she finally met the doctor's eyes. "Can we not talk about me? You've just come back. Jack, how was it? Are you really all right?" she made sure.

 

"Well," Jack actually sighed, "for a while, I was a prisoner, but then I found out they only took me, so I would perform an operation on their leader. On the guy we had locked in the hatch, actually. His real name's Benjamin Linus," he explained. "He had a spine tumor."

 

"Had?" Julie picked up on that. "So you did it? Or did he die?" Still, if Jack was here right now, safe and sound, the first option was more likely. They wouldn't just let him go if he failed to perform the operation, would they?"

 

"Yeah, I did it," he nodded with an ambiguous expression on his face. "I had no other choice. They kept Kate and Sawyer as leverage and she… she asked me to. She didn't want Sawyer to die," Jack's voice actually grew bitter.

 

"Wait…" Julie frowned. "Do you mean… Kate and… Sawyer?" she asked slowly, making sure she heard it right. Jack only nodded in response.

 

"Yeah, at least it looked that way," he confirmed.

 

"I'm sorry," Julie said, really meaning it. "I know you liked her."

 

"Yeah, well…" Jack forced a smile to his face to cover his disappointment, "sometimes life works in ways you can't predict."

 

"Tell me about it," Julie sighed, finally looking in the direction of Desmond. She could feel his eyes on her ever since Jack had come back. Why? Was Desmond actually jealous? Did he think she would find consolation in Jack's arms just to spite him? She wasn't like this, Julie thought sadly, and Desmond should know that about her. She'd gotten hurt the second time in her life, which actually meant that every single time she felt something for a guy, she was wrong to want to be in a relationship with him.

 

"Hey, cheer up," she heard Jack's voice getting to her like through a thick wall. She was too far gone in her own thoughts. She took her eyes away from the place Desmond had been standing a moment before as he was now gone and she shook her head.

 

"Sorry."

 

"You don't have to apologize, Julie," Jack assured her, looking at her like he understood what she was going through. "I don't know what happened between you two, but are you sure it's irreparable?"

 

"I don't know," she admitted, hugging herself despite the warmth coming off of the fire. "I thought I knew him and then… ever since he caused the implosion of the hatch, he seems different and I'm not sure I know him anymore…"

 

"People change when going through some really tough stuff," Jack tried to find an explanation for Desmond's behavior. "Maybe you can find a way to get through to him again? If not, then I'm sorry."

 

For a moment there, Julie contemplated just telling Jack about what was going on, but in the end, she decided against it. Jack wasn't a man of faith at all. All that mattered to him was what he could touch and explain, possibly fix as he seemed to have that complex. He would react even worse to Desmond's 'news' than Julie had. And she still cared about Desmond enough to spare him the public embarrassment that would ensue. She knew Jack wouldn't let it go, that he would try to help his Scottish friend somehow, maybe even deciding that this help would need to be psychiatric.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day everything in the camp seemed to be coming back to normal as Jack, Kate and Sawyer returned. Well, Julie could actually do without that last one as he did nothing but bitch around at everybody who'd apparently taken his stuff and distributed among themselves. She still felt a hole in her heart as she thought of Desmond and what had happened to them. She wished to just go back to the place they'd once been in, but she didn't know how. She just couldn't accept Desmond believing that one of them would die. It was then that she actually heard him say her name and she looked up at him in surprise that he came over.

 

"Julie? Can I talk to you?" he asked gently, being careful with her, scared that she might actually turn him away and decide to never speak to him again.

 

"Desmond, I…" she started, not really knowing what to say, her voice quivering. If he was about to convince her that Charlie would indeed die, then she didn't want to hear it. Yet, the distance from him was killing her and she wasn't sure how long she would be able to stand it before coming over to him herself. This was the first person she'd truly gotten to know on the island, the one who'd opened her eyes to so many things, the one who'd helped her get over her past. Thanks to him, she started looking into the future even though they were still stranded. He was also the first one she felt something for since her heart had been crashed so painfully back in Australia. And yes, it seemed to be ruined now again, but how could she just turn him away? She missed him.

 

"Please. There is something I need to tell you," he said again, not giving up. "Just listen to me and then, if you still want me gone, I will never bother you again," he promised with such a devastating finality in his voice that it caused her to tremble in fear. She didn't want to let him go. Her mind was still angry at him and couldn't understand him, but her heart didn't care about any of that. Her heart wanted to listen to him. She could only pray he wouldn't make things worse by telling her whatever it was that he intended to.

 

"Does it have anything to do with Charlie?" she asked, deciding it would be best to get this out of the way.

 

"No. It has something to do with us," she received a surprising answer. Then she just released a sigh when thinking that maybe Desmond felt insecure about her being so close to Jack, but she didn't protest when the Scotsman sat right next to her on the sand.

 

"I never told you what happened after the implosion in the hatch," he then said and she actually looked at him because she didn't expect to hear that.

 

"You woke up in the jungle," she said when carefully avoiding the word 'naked' even though it was on her mind immediately.

 

"I thought so, too," Desmond admitted, "but recently, I began remembering places I was to when it happened."

 

"I don't understand," she admitted, her voice growing helpless. Was this another dose of crazy she wasn't ready to handle?

 

"I don't expect you to. Even I don't understand it fully, but… I just wanted to tell you that I was… I saw…" he stopped for a moment there, clearly thinking of how to say it right.

 

"I already think you're crazy, so just get over yourself and tell me," she encouraged him. The anticipation to hear it, the fear that it might actually destroy what they had left completely was causing her stress, so she would rather hear it right away than wait some more. "I promise I will listen to the very end," she added. She did owe him that, didn't she? Even if he went crazy, she owed him to listen. He'd fixed her, after all. He was the reason she was now surrounded with so many friends when just a few weeks ago she'd had none.

 

"I was in the past," Desmond finally revealed and rendered her speechless. So he'd seemed to be travelling though time, she tried to wrap her mind around it and decided to stop that altogether. It just wasn't possible and contradicted reason.

 

"I was in a small café and the name was…" he squinted his eyes like he was trying to remember a blurred memory. "Impressions, I believe," he finally said. "I was sitting inside whereas you and two other girls were close to the door. You were talking and laughing, probably about something that happened on campus. You seemed happy, although when I took a closer look at your face, you were sad beneath that façade, disappointed and hurt." He stopped for a moment and she still didn't say anything, just hugged herself as she listened. What he said actually stirred something in her head, but it was too blurry for her to decide what it was just yet. So she kept on listening.

 

"You were eating a dessert," Desmond continued, not aware of what was happening to her as he was too deeply immersed into his memory, trying to remember every detail. "It was chocolate and vanilla ice cream… at least it looked like that and there was some dressing and whipped cream. When you were all about to leave, you asked those girls to wait for you as you went further into the café to use the bathroom. I chose that moment to stand up and we kind of bumped into each other. I remember that you were wearing a green skirt and a black blouse rimmed with lace, there was also a necklace with a green stone hanging from your neck. When we ran into each other, the necklace landed on the floor and you didn't notice. I remember that you smiled to me apologetically and said that you were sorry. I picked up the necklace and called after you to return it. You were so happy that I noticed it fell. You said it was your favorite," Desmond finished his story and Julie just sat there, struck with something that seemed impossible, yet… she could remember it!

 

"How…" she started and then she just shook her head at the impossibility of it. There was also something else nagging at her brain, but she refused to admit it just yet. "No, you apparently saw me three years ago and remembered it. That's not a proof," she just said harshly, still being in denial.

 

"Really?" he looked at her closely, noticing the wrinkle forming on her forehead. "Think harder," he encouraged her.

 

And then it struck her.

 

"Impossible…" she exhaled and when she met his eyes again, he saw tears in them. "How… I mean… I was there with my friends and I wore exactly what you described, but… I never saw you nor did I bump into you. I went straight to the bathroom and it was there that I noticed the necklace had a broken clasp! Still… I can clearly remember a moment that is the same but different… I remember…" her voice was erratic now, eyes opened widely in disbelief at what she discovered in her own head. "I didn't pay any notice to men around me back then as I had my eyes set only on one," she continued. "Stupid silly me, but anyway... How can I remember bumping into a man who told me I lost my necklace and in the same time remember not doing it and losing it in the bathroom?" she gasped. "This is just not possible. It contradicts logic."

 

"It is possible," Desmond disagreed, "because I changed the memory you already had. I really saw the past. I really met you there, Julie."

 

"Then why didn't you tell me to stop chasing the man that could never make me happy? Why didn't you tell me never to go to Australia, so I wouldn't be on that plane?" she suddenly asked in bigger confusion than ever and met with his sad eyes. Just then she realized what she'd just said. It was like she didn't even care that the plane crash had allowed him to come into her life, him and many others.

 

"When I was there… I didn't… I didn't actually remember the island and everything connected to it," he answered her question anyway. "I just… I knew you. I had those flashes of you, but I wasn't sure from where. I felt like a crazy person and… probably I sound like one now. I just needed to see you then, to talk to you, even if briefly. I was so confused… I didn't really know what to do or how to act afterwards. I thought that maybe I should wait until you leave the bathroom, talk to you some more. I felt like I was meant to, like I needed to know who you were and why I kept seeing those flashes of you and me in my head…" his voice broke and then, after a moment of respite, he added, "Only once you disappeared in that bathroom, everything just went white and suddenly I was somewhere else." He squinted his eyes again, not able to make much sense of those memories. "There was an old woman and she told me that I had to go to the island. That I couldn't change anything even if I tried. That it was my fate to push that bloody button for three years and then…" he came to a sudden stop.

 

"And then what?" Julie prompted breathlessly, needing to hear the rest of it.

 

"Then meet you," he confessed when looking at her.

 

She was stunned as she lost herself in his eyes. She kept on waiting for him to say something more, so she could hear what she so desperately wanted to, but he didn't. Instead, he said, "Some things are just meant to happen to us. I wouldn't be able to keep you from this island even if I really wanted to. It was just beyond my power." He looked at the ocean, breaking the eye contact with her. "Charlie's death is also beyond my power," he then said in a slower and quieter voice like he was afraid she would just stand up and leave on hearing Charlie's name coming from of his mouth. When she actually didn't, he confessed, "I'm so lost, Julie. I don't know what to do. Shall I keep saving him? That woman told me that if I did that, then the person would die anyway, that he would slip in the shower, something would fall on him… I'm just… I don't know… Why do I have this knowledge if I can't do anything about it?" His voice grew desperate and he hid his face in his hands.

 

In this moment, Julie felt truly terrible for abandoning him where he'd clearly needed her the most. She so regretted turning her back on him, refusing to listen to him. How could she just do this to her friend, a man she had feelings for, the very moment he said something she didn't like? The moment he did something that scared her? She should've been there for him, trying to help him. Instead, she'd just turned her back on him, once again proving to herself that she wasn't as good a person as he believed her to be.

 

"I'm so sorry, Desmond," she said, her voice trembling. "I… I'm sorry I bailed the very moment you needed me. You were there for me through all my crap and you didn't leave once you heard about my past and I…" She shook her head, biting her lower lip and fighting tears. "I just turned my back on you the moment I thought there was something wrong with you. I shouldn't have given up like that. I should've been there. I should've believed in you just like you asked me to, even if I didn't believe what you were saying."

 

"Hey, it's ok." He turned to her. "I don't blame you. I did sound crazy."

 

"So what?" she asked, meeting his eyes but not seeing much as her vision was all blurry from her tears. "I still did something wrong and I am so, so sorry for that. How can I ever make it up to you? I'm an awful person just like I said I was."

 

In that moment, his arms were around her, pressing her form into his chest. She cried even harder as he hugged her because she didn't think she deserved it. He was so understanding and so amazing that her heart was about to burst from the affection she felt towards him.

 

"I'm sorry. I won't abandon you ever again," she promised with her face pressed against his neck, feeling the prickling of his beard against her skin. She could also feel his chest raising and falling way too fast as he held her.

 

"I understand and I forgive you even though there's nothing to forgive, really. I know I just leveled you with all that information about Charlie and death way too fast. I should've done it some other way. I was just so confused after what happened to me in the hatch."

 

"Exactly. And I knew that…"

 

"Hey, hey," Desmond's voice grew harsh as he pulled away and cupped her face, so she would look into his eyes. "It is done and forgotten, all right?" he made sure. "I don't want you to waste time on regret. If you think you made a mistake, then just learn from it and move on, got it?"

 

She nodded and her tears stopped flowing. He was right. There was no point in dwelling on the past, on things she couldn't possibly change and she should know it well. And then his thumbs wiped away her tears.

 

"There's just one thing I need you to do for me," she asked.

 

"Anything," he assured her, meeting Jack's eyes as he was just passing by not so far away from their spot. The doctor smiled at Desmond and the Scotsman couldn't do anything else but to reciprocate that smile. He should've known better. Jack wouldn't make a move on Julie behind his back.

 

Julie stood up and brushed the sand off of her clothes, then led Desmond towards her tent. Soon, she took her vanity bag out of it and opened it.

 

"Which one?" she asked him when showing him all her jewelry. She had quite a few necklaces and three of them were in various shades of green.

 

Desmond looked inside and the moment his eyes found what they were looking for, he grabbed it without hesitation. Julie was speechless as he really proved to her that their memories were real. He even showed her the exact spot the clasp had broken once.

 

"Did I restore your faith?" he asked when putting the necklace back into her vanity bag and closing it.

 

"Yes, you did," she assured him in a hoarse voice, too emotional for her own taste. "Thank you."

 

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The moment Julie started believing in Desmond again, everything happened so fast that she had trouble wrapping her brain around it. It turned out that there was a boat near the island. A boat that was their ticket home and all they needed to do was to find a way to contact the people on it, so they would come and rescue them. The only things that stood in their way now were the jammed transmission and the message the French woman, Rousseau, had recorded sixteen years ago. It kept on playing in a loop, preventing all the other messages from being sent. If that wasn't enough, Juliet, the new addition to the team, who'd made her way to their camp shortly after Jack and the rest had, revealed that the others were coming again.

 

The survivors quickly divided themselves into three groups. One would go to the radio tower to stop Rousseau's message, one would stay on the beach with the dynamite ready to blow up the others and one, the smallest since it consisted only of Desmond and Charlie, would go to the underwater station called Pearl and deal with the blocked frequency.

 

Julie wanted to stay on the beach despite the upcoming threat. She wanted to be there when Desmond would come back and she refused to think that it might actually not happen. What she was dreadfully sure of was that Charlie was going to his death and somehow, it all made a terrifying sense to her now. Desmond couldn't understand why he had those flashes of Charlie dying. He also couldn't stop saving him despite the knowledge that there was nothing he could do for his friend in the end, but he couldn't let him die and stand watching either, he was too good a man for that. Maybe this was his purpose, Julie thought, to keep Charlie alive long enough for him to manage to swim into the Pearl. After all, Charlie was the only one who could hold his breath underwater for whole four minutes.

 

"Desmond!" Julie called to him when he was ready to leave. She needed to say her goodbye, she couldn't just let him go like that. What if she never saw him again? The very thought caused her heart to ache and yearn for the Scotsman. She refused to accept that their story might end here. There had to be more. They needed to have some future ahead of them, especially now when they were so close to getting out of the island. "I…" she started when she finally reached him. She couldn't believe he would just go without talking to her first and now she was the one who couldn't seem to find the right words to say. "I can't lose you. Please, be careful," she finally told him even though it wasn't what she truly wanted him to know. She still couldn't bring herself to make the first move, even in such a final moment. She was too insecure for that.

 

Only then, Desmond looked at her with such a yearning in his eyes that she could just stand there, staring into his brown pupils, forgetting how to breath properly. And then he was suddenly leaning towards her and she could feel his lips pressing against hers, sending sparks dancing around her body, making her forget that she was just saying goodbye, maybe even her final one. The kiss came as a surprise to her, but she gave in to it, forgetting who they were or where they were. She realized in that very moment that she'd been waiting for this possibly ever since she'd gotten to know Desmond. He was the right man for her, she was sure of it now. In fact, she'd never before in her life was so sure of something. Not even when she'd convinced herself that she and her former professor belonged together. They didn't, never really had. Desmond was the one. Desmond and no one else. The kiss only proved it to her. It felt so right and so natural. She was right to wait. She was right not to push. Because when it was right, one had faith and there was nothing they had to do in order to make it happen. Julie finally knew the difference between a real thing and illusion. Even if the kiss was small and gentle, she could feel it all. She actually felt more in this kiss than she'd ever felt in much heated moments with the man she'd previously been with and that had to stand for something. Everything she was supposed to feel, she felt when in Desmond's arms.

 

Then he was pulling away and she didn't want to let go of him. He was safe with her on the beach and he wouldn't be safe out there, deep in the ocean in that God forsaken station. Only then, he didn't loosen his hold on her as he rested his forehead against hers and when looking her deeply in the eye, he confessed, "I crashed on this island twice for a reason. And that reason is you." Once that was said, he finally made a step backwards, his eyes set on her so intensely that there was truly no need for him to say anything else. She already knew. She could see it in his eyes. He was just about to turn around to get to the boat when she grasped his hand.

 

"Desmond…" she said his name, not ready to let him go now once he finally made the move she'd been waiting for for so long.

 

"I'll come back to you, I promise," he just said, emphasizing his words so much that she had no other choice but to believe him. He finally made his way to the boat by which stood Charlie, smiling at them, though sadly. Did he know? Julie wondered. Did he know that he was going down there to die? She was overwhelmed by all the feelings inside her. She felt so much for Desmond, she wanted him so badly to come back to her, yet she knew that wasn't guaranteed. And then, there was Charlie. Would Julie be even able to look Claire in the eye now that she knew the terrible fate awaiting her boyfriend?

 

She would stay on the beach and wait for Desmond, she decided right then and there. No matter what the danger was, she would find a way to wait there for him because he was going back. She couldn't accept anything else. He was going to get back to her and they would get their happy ending. Together.

 

She wished she could've stopped him, but in the same time she knew better than to even try. Nearly all his life, Desmond had believed himself to be the coward Penny's father was so sure he was. Julie knew that he wouldn't leave Charlie when the guy needed him the most. He wouldn't go down that cowardly path again. He would be brave. He would be a hero. Only she also knew that he couldn't be sure that he would be back. What he was about to do was dangerous, but she still couldn't stop him. He needed to be there for Charlie. He wouldn't abandon him at such a moment and she wouldn't dare asking him to.

 

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In the end, Julie didn't find a way to stay at the beach, after all. Jack understood her worry when it came to Desmond and the want to wait for him to come back, but he was still unyielding. He told her that Desmond would want her to be safe so he wouldn't have to worry about her getting herself killed. There was a lot of dynamite on the beach and those who stayed behind had guns. They were prepared to fight the others till the last one was dead, even if it meant risking their own lives. Julie knew that there was no place for her there, she knew that it would be dangerous, but she still wanted to stay. She couldn't argue with Jack any longer, though, she knew that he cared about her safety as well and she didn't want to cause him any more trouble as he already had too much on his mind. Also, the look Kate and Claire sent her way rendered her silent and she just marched with them into the jungle. If she stayed, Claire would not only worry about Charlie, but about her as well. And Charlie would probably not get back, Julie reminded herself with ache in her chest. Still, there was something that kept nagging at her, as though she was needed back on the beach, as she was supposed to stay. She didn't understand that feeling and all she could do was to ignore it for now.

 

"Don't worry, Desmond will be all right," Claire tried to comfort Julie when falling into step with her and it only made her feel worse. She wanted so badly to say the same thing about Charlie to her friend, but she just couldn't. It would only be cruel. Instead, she asked something else, something that had been bothering her for quite some time, "What if it all happened for a reason?"

 

"What do you mean?" Claire frowned, not following her friend's line of thoughts.

 

"Before he went with Charlie, Desmond told me that he crashed on this island so he could meet me," Julie cleared it out. "So, what if all of it happened for a reason? What if everything has led us here?" After everything Julie had seen and experienced, she was finally willing to admit that maybe, just maybe, there were such things as destiny and fate. The old lady, Desmond had talked to after the hatch implosion, was just another proof to that. If it happened in the past, how the lady had known it all?

 

"That was very romantic of him and I think it's actually true," Claire admitted, having thought about Julie's words.

 

"It's just…" Julie stopped for a moment, "I always saw life as a chaos that I had to make some sense of. I wanted to plan it till the last detail in order to avoid the mess, but then the mess caught up with me anyway. Maybe I was meant to go after the wrong guy under the illusion that I was in love with him and through him, meet Desmond? Maybe you're here because you were meant to keep Aaron and meet Charlie? He's so strong, Claire. He's dealt with a drug problem, partially thanks to you." Only why did he have to die now? Julie wondered, but she didn't say it out loud for obvious reasons. Was Charlie's purpose to just die in that station? Why? Was it one way trip to just unblock the frequency, so they could all leave the island? Was he meant to die so Claire and her baby could live? So Aaron would have the opportunity to be raised in a modern world, with the care he deserved? There were no hospitals on the island, nothing that could help the little boy if he really got sick and Jack could only do so much. Also, he wouldn't have friends his age on the island, nor he would be able to go to school to get a proper education. Had Charlie agreed to go with Desmond so he could provide all of that for Claire?

 

"I don't know," Claire admitted, her face troubled. "I never really believed in fate much, but then… I saw a psychic when I found out I was pregnant and believe it or not, he told me that I absolutely must keep the baby. Then, when I still wanted to give Aaron for adoption, he called me in the middle of the night and told me to board the Oceanic 815. He told me there was a couple in America who could take care of my baby. When we crashed, I figured he knew what would happen," she confessed.

 

Julie went silent for a moment, processing what she just learnt. She was only more sure now that it was fate. And Desmond was the one who restored her faith in it. Maybe that was why they needed each other so much? They completed each other, were right for each other. Maybe that was the big secret, Julie wondered, that love wasn't something you could plan, it was something that came unexpected and usually uninvited and when you realized it, it was already too late. It was never a choice that she'd made when going after her former professor. It was fate, yet if she hadn't done all that before, she wouldn't have landed up on the island. Yes, it was tricky and it seemed that no matter what one did, no matter how hard they tried to take full control of their lives, they never truly had it. Most of it was fate and all people could do was their best and then, they were left wishing that it would just work out.

 

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The further from the camp they were getting, the more anxious Julie was growing. Those feelings that had been nagging at her ever since she'd left the beach, only elevated. She felt like she should come back and she didn't understand why. She seriously started to get worried and soon enough, she found herself at the very end of the marching group,seeing people just passing by her, anxious to get to the tower. Jack was at the front, so there was a great chance that he would simply overlook her retreating and making her way back. Still, she was scared to even try. Then she actually wondered what Desmond would do. He would come back since he had great faith that things like that, feelings like that, did not come from nowhere.

 

In that moment, Julie noticed Hurley slowing down gradually until he was the one in the end. No one seemed to be paying any attention to him staying behind. There was a possibility that he had trouble with keeping up as he was so heavy, but somehow Julie could feel that it wasn't the case. He was planning something. The others would simply think he would catch up eventually, but she was pretty sure he wouldn't.

 

"Hugo, what are you doing?" she finally asked him when getting to him after she'd made a show of staying behind in order to tie up her shoe.

 

"You want to come back to Desmond, don't you?" he just asked and she nodded, waiting in anticipation to hear his plan. Then she decided that she would expect almost anything but what he actually told her. It was both crazy and brilliant in the same time, although she could do without the first part. Hugo cheerfully informed her about the old Dharma car he'd found in the jungle and managed to fix. Julie didn't think she would be driving in a car while being on the island, but she was willing to try about anything in order to get back to the beach as fast as she could.

 

Once it actually happened and Hugo directed the vehicle that way, she realized that she was right to trust her guts. Desmond would be so proud of her, crossed her mind as apparently, she and Hurley showed up just in time to save the day. The three men they left behind: Sayid, Bernard and Jin, were captured by the others, tied up and soon to be executed. The last load of dynamite hadn't blown up and therefore, they didn't manage to kill all the attackers. Right now, Hugo was driving straight at them, not even trying to slow down. As a result, Julie needed to cover her eyes with her hands, refusing to see anyone, even if it was one of the others ran over by the car. She just felt and heard the dull, sickening thud as the body collided with the vehicle and then, they finally came to a stop.

 

Julie opened her eyes and peaked outside, noticing right away that the guy they'd run over must've dropped his gun since it was lying so conveniently close to her. She didn't even think about it as she jumped out of the car and grabbed it, aiming it at the one man who still stood by the rest of the survivors, mouth agape.

 

"Julie, shoot!" Sayid yelled to her, but she just couldn't seem to pull the trigger. She couldn't take a life even if the guy deserved it. She didn't have it in her and her hand started shaking, so she held the gun with both of them to steady her grip. Still, it all seemed futile since Sayid, seeing that she wouldn't kill the man, just used his distraction to grab him with his feet and… he broke his neck with his thighs. Julie froze in shock as the scene just played right in front of her, her brain barely registering it. She'd seen Mr. Eko being thrown into the air by the black smoke, but this was worse. It was worse because there wasn't anything supernatural in this. Sayid just used his lethal skills to take a life. And she knew she shouldn't be surprised since he'd tortured a lot of people in his life and could as well kill someone without even using his hands. Then she discovered she was scared of him and didn't really want to be alone with him ever again even though her brain was telling her that he wouldn't hurt her because he was one of her own people.

 

Suddenly, the gun was taken from her hands and she turned around to look straight at Sawyer. Apparently, he and Juliet had gotten the same idea Julie and Hurley had and strayed from the other survivors, rather being on the beach.

 

"You ok?" Sawyer asked her as he noticed how terrified she truly was. It came as a surprise to her to hear him sounding so serious instead of catching a joke escaping his lips, so she must've looked really bad, she figured. She just nodded in response, not really able to say anything at the moment and then she heard Jack's voice on the walkie-talkie that Hurley got.

 

"Hey, it turns out that Charlie is a hero!" Hurley called to them after talking to Jack. "The help's on the way!" he informed.

 

Another surprise, Julie registered with her already tortured brain and heart. What she just heard meant that Charlie had managed to unblock the signal and Jack had contacted the boat. Only was Charlie still alive? And most importantly - even though Julie hated it, she couldn't help but think - was Desmond all right? Would he come back to her? Or was he lost just like Charlie? Was it possible that Desmond had known about his imminent death as well, but refused to tell her? No, something told Julie. Desmond was many things, but she didn't believe he could just lie straight into her face. He'd promised her that he would be back and he would keep that promise. If he hadn't thought he would survive, he wouldn't have given her false hope. Desmond would never be that cruel.

 

With that in her mind, Julie simply picked a spot on the beach and sat down, staring into the ocean, waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

Julie truly lost her sense of time as she kept on waiting for Desmond to come back to her. The sun was already low on the horizon and she grew cold, but still refused to abandon her post. She hugged herself, trying to keep warm and waited some more. He had to come back to her. Desmond had to come back and she couldn't lose her faith. He would be back.

 

Only after a while of thinking those words over and over again in her head, she started to doubt. They didn't even seem to be words anymore, just a strange assemble of letters with no sense whatsoever. She found herself growing numb, just blindly looking into the horizon and at the sun setting down. And then… she stirred, actually seeing something moving, something that wasn't the water, something solid. An object.

 

She seemed to be waking up and she slowly raised to her feet, trying not to even blink, so she wouldn't lose the sight of it. It must've been the canoe Desmond had taken with Charlie when they'd set off to their journey. After a while longer, Julie was able to actually spot a person inside the small boat. Just one person rowing systematically, trying to get back to the island. It shouldn't come as a surprise to her that Charlie didn't make it, Julie thought when she recognized the shaggy longish hair which could only belong to one person she knew. Still, she felt an unexpected pang of pain in her heart. The rest of the survivors must've been on their way back to camp by now. Maybe they were even close. Once Julie knew that Desmond was safe, she started to be scared of her upcoming encounter with Claire. How was she supposed to tell her friend that her boyfriend was dead? That he sacrificed himself, so the rest of them could go home? How was she supposed to look relieved and happy that Desmond came back to her while Charlie didn't come back to Claire?

 

She pushed all those uncomfortable thoughts aside and focused on the canoe again. Desmond was getting closer and closer and she could nearly make out him looking for something on the shore until his eyes settled on her. She felt a cold shiver running through her body as the temperature dropped significantly in the evenings on the island and then she hugged herself tighter. Added to that, she felt a little awkward, didn't know how to act right now that she and Desmond were past their first kiss, but still hadn't talked about what it was between them. Only when he actually jumped out of the canoe and made his way to her, all wet from the ocean, his face showing off the anguish and pain because of what he'd been through, all that fear escaped Julie and all she could actually feel was bittersweet happiness. He didn't say anything, he just opened his arms and Julie threw herself into them, hugging him tightly with all the strength she could muster, holding onto his neck, pressing her whole body into his, not bothered by the fact that he was wetting her. She didn't even feel the cold anymore and it didn't matter that his body was actually freezing. She felt warm and at home in his arms. They stood like that, embraced, for a very long time, breathing each other in. Julie felt Desmond's heartbeat against her chest, his breath on her cheek, his body alive and whole and there was a soothing feeling of calmness washing over her, taking all her worries away. They didn't talk as they knew that the time for that would come later. And there was so much to talk about. So much to explain. Only not in this moment. Now they just needed to be close to each other.

 

When Julie finally let go of him, her hand fit into his naturally and they turned to make their way back to the beach camp. As they reached it, the feeling of calmness left Julie as abruptly as it appeared because she spotted the rest of the survivors making their way back as well. It wasn't long till she noticed Claire with Aaron in her arms. Claire who was looking around, hoping to see Charlie, hoping to welcome him back just as Julie had Desmond. In that moment, Julie's and Jack's eyes met and she could see the frown on his face before understanding actually washed over him. He truly felt sorry for Desmond and for what must've happened and then shifted his eyes towards Claire as well. The blonde by now spotted the couple and the expression on her face broke Julie's heart.

 

"Oh, God," Julie just whispered, moaning quietly and squeezing Desmond's hand. "I can't… How am I…"

 

"Together," Desmond assured her when looking at her and brushing his fingers over the palm of her hand. "We'll do it together."

 

Julie just nodded and they made their way to Claire.

 

"Claire, I… I'm so sorry. Charlie is… gone. I… I couldn't safe him…" Desmond said, his voice actually breaking. "I wanted to so badly, but… I just couldn't." There was genuine compassion and pain on his face.

 

"I know that you did everything you could," Claire said as the reality sunk it, her own voice wavering. She was fighting tears bravely.

 

Julie truly admired her friend's strength at the moment. After all, Claire just told Desmond he shouldn't feel guilty instead of choosing the easy way out and blaming him for everything. Julie was very grateful for that since she knew Desmond wouldn't take the blonde throwing the blame at him well. He felt guilty enough himself, overburdened by his gift - or maybe a curse was a more suited word - that had been bestowed upon him. If Julie wished for anything at the moment, it wasn't even going back home. It was for Desmond to finally be free off his duties on the island since it didn't seem to end. First the button, now this. Someone else for a change should carry that burden.

 

Claire couldn't find other words to say and she just retreated silently to her tent, Julie's heart breaking at the sight. The blonde didn't feel like being around a happy crowd of people. She didn't feel like joining their excitement about the boat that was coming to the rescue.

 

"Des, I think I…" Julie started when turning to him, but he seemed to know already what she was going to say.

 

"Of course. Go. I'll wait," he assured her.

 

"Will you be ok?" she made sure. She knew that Claire really needed a friend at the moment, she could feel the silent plea coming from her, but she also didn't want to leave Desmond all alone. After all, he'd been through so much today. He'd watched one of his best friends on the island, die in front of his eyes, so the rest of them could live.

 

"Don't worry about me, lass," Desmond just said when touching the side of her face with affection. "Go to her. I can wait. She needs you more."

 

Julie only managed to smile at him sadly and then made her way to Claire's tent. Desmond was right. He could wait. Even though he'd been through a lot, he had the chance to get past it all. Charlie didn't. Charlie was just dead.

 

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Julie was right. Claire did need a friend. She'd actually been crying in her arms for quite some time before she managed to calm down, still shaking a little and releasing a sob here and there.

 

"Thank you," she finally expressed her gratitude. "For being here for me."

 

"Of course," Julie just said, "it's what friends do."

 

"Yeah, but I know you'd rather be somewhere else right now, so I appreciate it that much more," Claire added when wiping the tears from her face once again and blowing into what was pretty much the last stash of tissues they had on the beach.

 

Julie just shook her head and said, "Claire, I love you. You're my best friend and I wanted to be here for you. You needed me and I knew that."

 

"I love you, too, friend," Claire said in a touched voice and suddenly, Julie was afraid the woman would start crying all over again. "And that is why now I need you to just go to him. I think sleep will do me some good anyway. At least that way I can get through this day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Rose offered to watch over Aaron as long as I need her to, so I guess I'll take her up on that."

 

Julie just nodded, said her goodnight and left, but before that, she also told Claire that if she needed something, she shouldn't hesitate to ask.

 

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It was long dark when Julie finally came to find Desmond. She didn't even have to look for long as he was sitting in her favorite place on the beach, near the shore, staring into the dark vastness of the ocean.

 

"I don't think I'll ever look at it the same way," she said when she came near him. "It's the only thing here that I truly love, but once we get back home, I think I'll avoid any big tanks of water for quite a while." She lowered herself to the ground right next to him and then she didn't know what else to say, how to even start. Her heart fastened up significantly as it recently tended to do in his presence.

 

"We need to talk," she finally chose to say the most cliché thing in the world, but it was a start, after all, she decided since Desmond remained silent. "What happened back there…" she tried again, but then suddenly, he looked at her and just said, "I love you."

 

This abrupt confession rendered her speechless and for a moment there, she was only able to look into his eyes, completely stunned as his words were sinking in. Only then, once that was out in the open, once she registered the truth she so badly wanted to hear, she felt calm and happy. Maybe truly happy for the first time that day since their affectionate goodbye and Desmond's return were marred with anxiety and worry.

 

"I love you, too," she finally found her voice to say these words back and it sounded so right, felt so right. She actually said it to someone for the very first time, so the moment was that much more special to her. She'd always imagined someone telling her he loved her when making a huge fuss about it. She'd imagined a romantic scenery, a bed or dinner. Yet, none of those fantasies could be compared to the simplicity of how it actually happened. And she discovered that she was happy about the way he said it. There was no complications, no understatements, no wondering whether what they had was real and whether he was telling her the truth. She just knew he did. And he did either. That was how it was supposed to be. Private. Small. Precious.

 

Then their faces came closer and their lips touch in a sweet, full of promise kiss. Soon, Julie felt heat overcoming her body and before she knew it, she was cupping Desmond's face and bringing him closer, opening her mouth to taste him, to meet his tongue. His arms were around her, his chest grazing against hers, causing her to nearly moan in desire that was suddenly awoken in her. She'd never felt this way about anyone before, she realized, once again learning a lesson of how a real affection, real love, should look like. It wasn't something she could plan. It was something that just found a person in the least expected moment. It could truly find you anywhere, bring two people together in circumstances which seemed nearly impossible, yet they happened anyway.

 

Desmond was the first one to pull away, resting his forehead against hers, breathing heavily which indicated that he wanted her just as much.

 

"We should probably talk about the age difference," he suddenly said and the moment was broken.

 

Julie actually pulled away, looking at him with a frown. "What about it?" she asked.

 

"Hold old are you, exactly?" he inquired. "I realize that I shouldn't be asking this of a lady, but considering the circumstances…" he quickly explained himself.

 

"I'm 24," she answered reluctantly.

 

"Does it bother you that I'm 11 years older than you?" he just followed.

 

"Not in the least. In fact, it's perfect."

 

"Perfect?" He seemed to be surprised by that answer.

 

"I never liked them young and stupid anyway."

 

"All right. Good, then," was all he said.

 

"That's it?" Now she was surprised for a change and also slightly dazed by their exchange of words.

 

"What else do you expect from me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, a small smile appearing on his face as he was clearly teasing her. "That I'll give you a whole speech of how we shouldn't be together and how you should find someone younger? It's not a harlequin and I'm not some wounded, troubled hero who is trying to protect your virtue."

 

"Good." She smiled at him. "Because that's long gone. We live in the twenty first century for a God's sake."

 

"We do, indeed." He nodded in agreement. "And who am I to deny destiny? We found each other in a God forsaken place and I love you. I want to be with you. There's nothing in life I want more and without you I will truly have nothing. It's as simple as that."

 

"Well, you have me," she assured him and he kissed her again.

 

"It's getting cold." He noticed the goose bumps on her arms. "Let's get you to your tent, yeah?"

 

She just nodded, allowing him to take her hand into his and lead her there. She didn't say anything on the way since her head was quite busy planning how she would approach the subject now. They were already going to her tent anyway.

 

Once they reached the place, Desmond stopped right by the entrance and leaned towards Julie to kiss her again. Now that he was allowed to, now that everything was out in the open, he could finally kiss those lips as often as he liked to. And he'd been wanting to do that for quite some time now. He didn't expect Julie to cling to his body so eagerly, to put her arms around him again, her body so close to his that she could as well melt into it and once she felt the growing erection there, she grazed herself against it shamelessly.

 

"Stay," she whispered into his ear when she broke the kiss and then she gently bit on his earlobe.

 

"I'm not sure you…" he started awkwardly, torn between just taking her inside and leaving for fear she might actually not be ready even though her body seemed to be.

 

"We can all die tomorrow," Julie said when pulling away to look at his face. "Well, actually… we'll be probably saved tomorrow as we've made contact with that boat, but you know what I'm trying to say here. There is no time to waste, Desmond." She reached to his face and caressed it with her hands. "Charlie just died today and… and it made me realize how fragile a life can be. I survived a plane crash and that was truly a miracle. We found each other and that is another one. I'm done wasting time. I'm done waiting. I love you and you love me. I want you. I want you right now," she told him and he knew right then and there that he wouldn't be able to resist her. Not after all the time he'd spent on the island, living like a monk he'd once been. And then he thought of something else.

 

"Are you sure you want to risk it?" he asked, barely holding himself back. Her body was too close again and in the same time, it wasn't close enough. He just wanted to kiss her, undress her, bury himself deep inside her. He wanted to forget about his past, he wanted her to forget about hers as well. He didn't want to see Charlie dying in his head anymore. He wanted to move on. To live. With her.

 

When Julie understood what Desmond was implying, she actually laughed.

 

"Suitcase full of lingerie and birth control, remember?" she asked him. "I still have a few boxes."

 

"Why didn't you stop taking them?" he asked in surprise as he finally walked inside her tent after her and settled himself on the blanket that was on the ground, her following.

 

"It's convenient," she just said. "We, women, didn't salvage much of the necessary stuff from the wreck, if you know what I mean. While being on the pill, I just need the minimum of that and let's just stop right here because I do want to get some tonight and you so don't need a detailed explanation of what birth control does to my body."

 

"Well, all I need to know is that it prevents us from having kids," Desmond said, nearly laughing. "And don't you worry. I'm still much in the mood."

 

"Oh, good." She smiled to him and captured his lips again, this time kissing him deeply and not stopping. They soon lowered themselves to the ground, Desmond hovering over her body and driving her completely crazy with his lips and hands. She wanted him so badly. She'd thought once that she'd known how it was to desire a man, but she'd been clearly wrong. Now she knew. If she didn't have him right away, she would simply die. She knew she was being melodramatic and she wouldn't actually perish, but that was how she felt.

 

"Do you have any idea what this freaking open shirt of yours was doing to me?! You've been driving me crazy when wearing it! Couldn't you just button it up the whole way?" she complained when she her hands came in contact with the offensive fabric and pulled on it.

 

"Well," he chuckled with his lips against her neck, clearly pleased with the fact that he had such an effect on her, "you can take if off now and have all that's underneath."

 

"You don't have to tell me twice." She smiled at him naughtily and her hands were already working on the remaining buttons. Still, she got frustrated pretty quickly and decided that ripping it off would be more effective. Yes, definitely more effective, she thought as she wouldn't be able to undo the buttons anyway since Desmond disposed of her upper garment and paid a lot of attention to her breasts at the moment. As wonderful as it felt, it only increased the ache between her legs. She didn't need so much foreplay, she just needed him to… Finally, she managed to open his pants and push them down his legs, happy that he took the hint and soon, they were both naked and then he was right there, exactly where she wanted him to be. And oh, yes, it was so, so much better than how she imagined it would be.

 

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When Julie woke up the next morning, Desmond was still sleeping by her side with one arm draped over her body. She enjoyed that possessive gesture and it was surely something new to her. She didn't remember him stirring while they were sleeping, so maybe for once, he slept through the whole night. He'd told how about his nightmares, about waking up almost every 108 minutes, wanting to push the button and then realizing it wasn't really there anymore. If she managed to tire him enough or maybe just make the nightmares go away by simply being next to him, she was truly happy about that. Maybe together they could really have something amazing. Maybe they were each other's constants, the people they could always turn to, the people they could always count on. Julie smiled as he watched Desmond sleeping. All the creases of worry were gone from his face, his skin smoothing out. Seeing him this relaxed and this calm brought joy to her heart and once she remembered last night, she smiled brightly. The future wouldn't be as dark as she'd once thought. When she'd left that apartment back in Australia, she'd found herself at the lowest and worst point of her life and it'd only gotten worse from there. Now she was finally happy, now she finally picked herself up and she actually found the kind of a love she'd always been looking for. Or maybe love found her. She was fine with it either way.

 

"You're my reason, too," she suddenly whispered when watching Desmond and remembering what he'd told her the day before.

 

"What?" he suddenly asked, opening his eyes and meeting hers.

 

"I thought you were sleeping," she said when he kissed her softy.

 

"Just woke up," he answered. "So, what were you talking about?"

 

"I meant to say that you're the reason I crashed on this island, too. The reason I was on the plane. Maybe even the reason to my obsession with that jerk. Why else would I be so blind? All that time I was chasing my happy ending and it was with you all along. Destiny truly works in mysterious ways."

 

"Aye," Desmond agreed when smiling and then shifting his body and stretching. "I, too, was making my way to you all my life. It was hard and I was about to give up a few times, but in the end, I'm happy that I kept on fighting. What's real doesn't come easily," he said when thinking about it some more.

 

"Oh, tell me about it!" she agreed and then straddled him and started kissing again while her hands kept on wandering all over his delicious chest and lower until she finally took him inside her.

 

"Aren't we impatient?" Desmond asked and then groaned deeply at the pleasure he felt.

 

"Are you complaining?" she asked, smiling at him sidelong. "Because you know, I can stop… I can do this on my own."

 

"Don't even dare trying," he threatened her when placing his hands on her hips and keeping her in place.

 

"We need to catch up on every night we spent apart," she decided when rocking into him.

 

"Oh, yes… we do…" he agreed, not able to come up with a better response.

 

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Once Julie and Desmond emerged from the tent, she ran straight towards the ocean and he chased her until he caught at the shore, grabbed her and swung around. They kissed again and then Julie went further into the water, wanting to take a swim at least one more time before the boat came.

 

"I feel guilty that I'm so happy today," she confessed to Desmond as they swam next to each other for a while.

 

"Why?" he wanted to know. "Is it because of what happened to Charlie?"

 

She just nodded and stopped swimming, keeping herself afloat. "Should I be this happy? Isn't it disrespectful to Claire? I mean, I'm still so sad that Charlie is gone, but… also so happy that we are together and that you're ok."

 

"Nothing about this is disrespectful," Desmond assured her when cupping her face and meeting her eyes evenly. "You should be happy while you can because from what I know, it can go away any second. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Besides, I think Charlie would want us to move on and be happy for him. He wouldn't want his sacrifice to go to waste."

 

Julie just nodded, a stray tear escaping her eye.

 

"What will we do once they rescue us?" Desmond asked when he let go of her.

 

"What do you mean?" A frown appeared on her forehead. "I kind of assumed we would stay together…"

 

"Of course, we will," Desmond calmed her down immediately. "But… I don't have a job and you've just gotten your degree. I can't be unemployed, but I have no idea how to find a job that would provide for you the way you…" he started and she interrupted him immediately, actually getting angry.

 

"Wait a sec! I don't need you to provide for me! I need you because I love you!"

 

"I know, but... I don't want to be a disappointment as a man. Here everything's great because we don't really have to worry about money, but out there, back in civilization…"

 

"I don't care what kind of a job you will have or if you will even have one. I don't care how much you'll be earning either!" she cut him short. "Don't you get it? I'm one of the survivors of the flight 815. I'm sure I'll get a lot of money from Oceanic and that is how we'll start."

 

"Oh, yeah, that… I didn't think," Desmond admitted. "But I still think that I need a job."

 

"We'll figure everything out as it comes. Don't stress about it now," Julie advised, her voice going back to normal. "The most important thing now is that we have each other and that we're together. We don't have to worry about money, so we just take everything as it comes at us," she repeated.

 

"All right, I think we won't figure out a better plan anyway," he agreed.

 

"I think Jack's waving at us," Julie suddenly noticed when pointing at the beach. Desmond turned around, so he could see and he had to admit that she was right. Jack clearly wanted them to come back to the shore and he was smiling. It could only mean one thing - the boat was close. They would soon say goodbye to this place and come back home.

 

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It was supposed to work out just fine. They were supposed to get out of the island and come back to their lives or start new ones. They should've known better. They should've predicted that something bad would happen, that the island wouldn't let them all just leave after so many failed attempts. The chopper got to them without any problems since the boat couldn't swim too close. The first group of people taken, the promise to return for the rest made. The first bad sign was that they couldn't find Claire. Aaron was still with Rose and Julie took him with her to the chopper, knowing that Claire would want him to get out the first opportunity that would present itself. Rose promised to look for the young mother and to get her to the chopper once it came back, but that never happened. They never actually reached the boat. They went off course just like it'd happened to the plane before and this time, there was no button or magnetic field to blame for that. The next thing they saw was the island just disappearing right in front of their eyes. All that was left was the ocean with no visible end and they were stuck in the air in a chopper that would eventually run out of fuel. They knew that Ben and Locke were plotting something, but they never realized that it actually involved moving the island. Such things just weren't possible, but after everything they'd seen, they shouldn't really be that surprised. Julie was shaking all over, clinging to Desmond, seeking comfort in his arms while holding Aaron. She thanked every deity that was out there that she and Desmond had gotten to the chopper together, that he wasn't left behind. No one had told him to stay since they all knew how desperate he was to get out of the island and what kind of a toll it'd taken on his psyche. Jack was there with them, too, because as their unofficial leader, he wanted to talk to the captain of the ship. Kate, Sayid and Hurley were also present. And then, there was Sun. Sun whose husband was left behind and Julie couldn't even imagine the pain the woman must've been feeling. Once the island actually disappeared, Sun started screaming for Jin and Kate with Jack's help had to hold her, so she wouldn't jump out of the chopper.

 

Eventually, they ran out of fuel for real and the chopper started going down. All that Julie managed to register before they violently crashed into the ocean, was Jack's scream to hold on and then nothing. Her world just turned upside down and she struggled hard to keep her hold on Aaron, praying that that boy survived. Praying that she would never have to look Claire in the eye and inform her that her son was dead because of her. She didn't try to hold on to anything else as she was so focused on Aaron. She couldn't even stay close to Desmond and she started panicking when the crash sent her up and then down towards the water, Desmond's hold on her loosening and she was suddenly in the ocean, panicking which way to go since she didn't know anymore where was up and where was down. Then she remembered that she still had air in her lungs and she held on to that, trying to stop moving, to just trust her body to find a way up and once she was pulled into the right direction, she swum, finally breaking through the surface and taking a deep breath.

 

"Julie! Over here!" someone called to her and a moment later, she realized that it was Kate, her hands reaching for the boy and bringing him into the raft that they'd thrown out of the chopper before it crashed.

 

Julie sputtered water when coughing and then she could finally ask, "Is he ok? Please, tell me he's ok!" she screamed as she tried to make her way up into the raft. Hurley helped her and she could only sent him a thankful smile since her throat was too sore by that point to speak.

 

"He's all right!" Jack yelled to her. "Don't worry!"

 

Once Julie was finally seated in the raft, she realized something horrible.

 

"Where's Desmond?!" she screamed, panic welling up in her as she looked around and couldn't find him. "Oh, my God! Where is he?!" And then, when she looked back into the ocean, she could make up the body drifting there, face down. The shaggy brown hair was enough for her to know who it was. "Desmond!" She screamed and wanted to jump right back in, but Jack was faster, diving into the water and getting to her lover. Kate held Julie back and Hugo was paddling with his hands, then taking Desmond's still immobile body from Jack and pulling him into the raft.

 

Julie sobbed in Kate's arms as she watched Jack performing CPR. There was really no one else she would rather trust with Desmond's life than the doctor. He, after all, had brought Charlie back when finding him hanging on a tree.

 

"Oh, God, please…" Julie moaned quietly, not able to accept the horrible truth. Desmond couldn't be dead. He just couldn't leave her now when they were finally on their way back home. She suddenly regretted ever leaving the island. If staying there forever meant keeping Desmond alive and safe, then she was ready for such a sacrifice. But now it was just too late. They'd already gotten out. And they were stranded in the ocean with no way of knowing whether they would even be rescued. Julie's heart was about to give up from grief. Charlie died, so Claire could get out and they'd already lost her. Julie lost a friend and needed to take care of Aaron and if Desmond…

 

"Please… please…" she kept murmuring, her body going completely slack in Kate's arms. She could only watch Jack who was now actually punching Desmond's chest in desperation.

 

"Come on! I know you can do it! Come back! Desmond, come on!" Jack kept on screaming without even realizing it.

 

Just then, when Julie saw the defeated look on his face, when she knew he was about to give up, Desmond suddenly opened his eyes and took a deep breath, then coughed out the water that was in his lungs.

 

"Oh, God!" Julie yelled and Kate finally let her go, so she could crawl over to the man she loved. "Desmond, thank God! You're all right! You're alive!" Julie kept on repeating as she found herself by his side, cupping his face and smiling to him through her tears. He was a little dazed, trying to remember what had happened to him and then his eyes met Julie's and his breathing started to even out. "You're ok," she repeated one more time and pulled his head onto her lap, so desperate to hold him. "You're gonna be ok," she said one more time. Desmond put his hand on her arm and squeezed gently, assuring her that he was, indeed, ok. "Thank you," Julie turned to Jack who was just watching them, breathing heavily himself from the exertion he'd put into resuscitating Desmond.

 

"You're welcome." He nodded and propped himself against the rubber wall of the raft. Kate took Aaron from Sun who was just sitting there, absently looking into the distance like her brain hadn't registered anything in particular ever since she'd watched the island disappear.

 

They were drifting, not knowing what was out there, not knowing if they were even going in the right direction. They had two, maybe three days and then they would die from dehydration. It was too hot out in the open ocean to give them more and they all realized the horrible truth. It was the most painful when looking at the little boy cradled in Kate's arms. Julie was idly running her hands through Desmond's hair, his head still on her lap, his eyes closed, but his breathing even. He must've fallen asleep.

 

"If they find us, we'll have to lie," Jack suddenly said, breaking the silence.

 

"What?" Kate asked, frowning. "What do you mean? We have to come back for the rest of them!"

 

"We have to go back to where, Kate?" Jack just asked. "There is no island. At least not where it used to be anyway. How are we ever going to find it? How will we ever convince people that we're telling the truth? A hatch underground? A button that needed to be pushed, so the world wouldn't end? Polar bears? Black smoke killing us one by one? Who's going to believe us? They'll lock us away if we tell them the truth."

 

"It makes sense," Desmond spoke, clearly not asleep and then, he gently heaved himself up and settled right next to Julie, one of his arms immediately going around her, so she could rest her head on his chest and listen to his heart beating again.

 

"One of us would have to take care of Aaron, too," Jack said when pointing the baby. "We can't just give him away. We owe it to Claire to make sure that he's safe and happy."

 

They all nodded in agreement, but it didn't make the decision any easier. Who was going to take care of the boy? How were they even going to do that? Julie felt like she owed it to Claire to keep Aaron, but again, she wasn't sure she was ready for such a big step just yet. Still, it wasn't about her own comfort or her insecurities where it came to babies. It was about Claire who must've been worrying sick about her baby right now, probably the only calming thought being that Julie and Desmond would make sure he was ok.

 

"I could say it's my child," Julie suggested and then, she actually thought about it. "Oh, no, sorry, I can't. I was… involved with the wrong person before I landed on the island and the bastard would surely point out that I wasn't pregnant when I boarded the plane." She bit her lower lip, clearly out of ideas. She did want to help Claire, but if the guy who'd hurt her in Australia, talked, then the lie would be out in the open immediately.

 

"Then I'll take him," Kate suggested. "Let's say that I was six months pregnant when I landed on the island. We don't really have any other choice, considering our options." Her eyes shifted to Sun and even if they thought the woman was ready to take Aaron, which she wasn't after losing Jin, she was a Korean whereas Aaron had a very fair complexion and blond hair. No one would ever believe that Sun had given birth to him, not even if the father was white and blond.

 

"All right. Then that's settled."

 

Julie snuggled more closely into Desmond, desperate to feel him next to her body. She came so close to losing him again that she didn't even want to talk or think about it. She was just grateful that he was there with her and that he was alive. She wouldn't be the same if he died. Despite her promise to herself, her mind started generating scenarios in which she came back home without him and she trembled.

 

"Hey, it's all right," she heard Desmond's soothing voice. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He pulled her closer to his body, not caring about such display of affection in front of the rest of them.

 

They made it out together and that was all that mattered for now. Julie couldn't think of Claire, of Charlie, of any other person who was left behind. She was right here, in the raft, with the love of her life. And for now, it was enough.


	9. Chapter 9

After a terrible night they'd spent somewhere in the middle of the ocean, nestled together as closely as they could in order to preserve their body heat, Hurley actually spotted something. So far, Julie had been snuggled into Desmond, her body nearly melting into his own to both keep them warm and to ensure herself that he was alive, that Jack had really saved him and that there was a strong possibility they would make it home. If not, then at least they would die together, proving Jack's words right. Julie vaguely remembered him saying that if they didn't learn to live together, they would die alone. It was so true. And she'd herself been so close to being left alone and forgotten on the island. How would her life have looked like if she hadn't met Desmond? She wouldn't have even been here with all those people in the raft right now. Maybe she would've been dead somewhere in the jungle. Maybe she would've drown in the ocean, maybe even deliberately, one day just deciding to swim a little bit further in, wish for an octopus she was so afraid of, to kill her. Would her life have had any sense if it hadn't been for Desmond? Probably not.

 

She raised her head from the crook of his arm and met his eyes in the faint light of the dawn. He looked back at her with such tenderness that it melted her heart completely. She didn't have any doubts that this man loved her completely, that he loved her the exact way she always wanted somebody to love her, or maybe even more. They were in this together till the end, she was absolutely sure of it and once she realized that, she felt such a joy that she truly wanted to jump up and down and maybe dance around while squealing. She didn't, of course, because they were still on the raft. They still needed to be rescued and she was one of those people who needed to be absolutely sure something would work out before they started celebrating. In that exact moment, Hurley screamed, waking everyone up, either from their dreams or their reveries.

 

"There! I see something!" He pointed a spot in the distance.

 

"Is that…?" Kate started.

 

"An island," Jack finished, but didn't seem to be very happy about it.

 

"Guys! Aren't you excited?! We're saved!" Hugo said, his smile fading slowly as he realized that no one else shared his enthusiasm.

 

"And what makes you think that this isn't our island?" Jack just asked him. "Maybe we're back to wherever it disappeared to."

 

"Well, we need to find out, don't we?" Hugo refused to lose his hope. "Or you'd rather die out here?"

 

"Julie," Desmond turned to his girlfriend when shifting slightly, so he could face her. "I know it's way too soon and I know this island may as well be our island and we may get stuck there for good, but I don't care. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I've waited for you for so long and I've wasted so much time on the way. What I want to ask you is, will you marry me?"

 

For a moment there, Julie just stared at him, mesmerized , the screams coming from the rest in the raft not reaching her at all. All that mattered was Desmond's brown eyes set on hers, the affection she saw there, the hope, the happiness, the fear that there might be even a slight chance that she would say no because she thought it was too early. Only it wasn't. She, too, had wasted so much time already and she would be damned if she wasted any more.

 

"Yes!" she exclaimed, a broad smile forming on her face, happiness overcoming her. She forgot about her rule to wait until she was sure there was something to celebrate about. She still didn't know if they would be saved or not, but in the end, their lives were everything that really mattered to her. Even if she was to spend hers on the island, she would gladly do so if only Desmond was there by her side. She would truly do it all just to be with him. "Thousand times yes!" she repeated and Desmond finally smiled back to her, so happy that she'd given him the affirmative answer. "You're all I need and there's really no other answer but yes," she rephrased and cupped his face, looking into his eyes and savoring what she saw there. "Every time your life is in danger, I'm dying, Desmond. I don't know what I would've done if you'd drowned," she confessed. If she wasn't carried away by the romantic mood, she would probably think all those words were cheesy and taken from a dumb romantic novel, that they were overrated, but now it didn't seem like it. She decided never to laugh at such lines in movies ever again. Then Desmond's lips were on hers and he was kissing her for dear life, showing her how happy he was that she agreed and that he would spend the rest of his life making sure she was happy, too.

 

Then, they heard clapping and finally, they realized they had an audience, so they pulled away, embarrassed by their sudden outburst of affection.

 

"I'm sorry that I don't have a ring for you," Desmond felt the need to say it. "I promise I'll get you one."

 

"I don't need a ring. I just need you." She took his hand and held it.

 

"Guys, are you really not seeing this?" they were interrupted by Hurley's impatient voice.

 

"What?" Julie asked when finally shifting her eyes from her now fiancé to her friend. Hugo just pointed the spot he'd seen before. It was an island, but it wasn't their island, it couldn't be. There were people on the shore, people with brown skin, people fishing. There were small houses there, too.

 

"Oh, my God," Julie gasped, squeezing Desmond's hand and pointing those people even though he was already looking at them. "We're saved! I can't believe it! I bet they have a phone!"

 

"We're saved," he repeated. "We're really going home."

 

"Just remember what we've talked about," Jack reminded, killing the mood.

 

Julie realized that they might be going home, but they'd also lost so much. She so wished she could've had Claire there with her. Aaron needed his real mother and she was nowhere to be found. How Kate was ever going to raise him right? She was an ex con. She could be arrested the second she put her feet on the American soil. What would happen to Aaron, then? Would they want to check if he really was her son? Julie met Kate's eyes and saw her own fear reflected in them.

 

"It'll be all right," she then heard Desmond whispering into her ear. "We'll take everything as it comes at us. The most important thing is that we have each other."

 

Yes, he was right. Him being there made it all that much easier for Julie. She discovered that she wasn't lost anymore. She'd been once when having crashed on the island, maybe even before that, maybe she'd been lost all her life, but she wasn't anymore. She'd found Desmond and then, he'd helped her find herself.

 

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The next few days were a complete blur to the Oceanic Seven, as they were now called. Once getting to the island Hugo had spotted, they were allowed to use the landline to call for help and once the world found out that the passengers of the flight Oceanic 815 weren't all dead as they'd previously thought, a plane was immediately sent for them. A plane with an Oceanic's spokesperson and some medics aboard. In the end, the medics weren't really needed that much and once the woman working for Oceanic received the answers to all of her questions: how they'd all crashed on a deserted island not so far from here and tried to survive there, how many of them had died and how they'd finally made it out on a raft just to touch the land from which they'd called for help - they were free to fly home. Of course, their answers were all lies, but no one realized it. Oceanic seemed to believe the seven of them and eventually, the woman even figured out the island they'd originally crashed on. Of course, it wasn't their island, but it was plausible enough, so they just nodded in agreement. Desmond's story was the closest to the truth as they claimed to having met him on the island since he'd been stranded there before. Oceanic didn't need to be as nice as to actually pay for Desmond's accommodation and the flight, but they had enough problems with their PR at the moment, so they helped just because Julie asked them to.

 

Now the survivors were staying at a hotel in Los Angeles and were not allowed outside just yet. Once they actually reached the familiar grounds, they weren't so eager anymore to get out of there and just go home anyway. The truth was that most of them didn't even have one and the number of their relatives wasn't that great either. Julie enjoyed the bubble she locked herself up in with Desmond. She didn't know if she was ready to just go out there into the world and start living. Eventually, yes, she would have to, but for now, she was quite happy about the way things turned out. The Oceanic Seven weren't allowed to leave the hotel as there were hordes of bloodthirsty reporters out there, just waiting for one person to break the rules and leave, so they could ambush them and bombard with questions. Hurley, Sun and Jack really wanted to see their families, but they understood the risk, so they were willing to wait. Clothes and food were brought directly to their apartments, so they didn't even have to leave them. At first, Desmond and Julie just enjoyed the shower, then eating and then, they just slept, only waking up to eat some more or to use the bathroom. They were both in a locked room and in a bed for the first time and yet, they didn't have the strength to make any use of it just yet. It wasn't until the third day that they finally took a bath together, soaking in bubbly water and enjoying each other, then moving the party to the bed, ordering wine and chocolate and making love all day and night long.

 

"I think I died and went to heaven," Julie admitted when Desmond collapsed into her arms, both of them feeling so spent.

 

"Oh, no, my love. This is real. We are real," he assured her when raising his face from the crook of her neck and looking her in the eye. "I love you."

 

"And I love you," she answered, convinced that she would never get tired of hearing and repeating those words. It was truly remarkable how life could just surprise you sometimes. How when you were so sure you reached the bottom, everything could just turn around.

 

Desmond finally slid out of her and lay on his back right next to her with a groan.

 

"Oh, have I tired you out?" Julie asked in a pretended innocent tone.

 

"No, of course not. We can do it again if you want," he assured her even though he wasn't really sure of it himself. How many times had it been already?

 

"No, I think I'll just let you rest for now," she decided and situated her head on his chest.

 

"You're saying it just because you are the one needing rest," he teased her.

 

"And how many years do you have on me exactly? Was that… nine?" she pretended not to remember, deliberately taking two out.

 

"Very funny."

 

"Seriously, Desmond, I think we can just go to sleep now. I don't want to kill you. I want to spend my life with you, remember?"

 

"Can you actually die from having too much sex?" he asked the perfect question.

 

"Yes, I think you can." And they both laughed.

 

For a moment there, they were silent and Julie actually thought that maybe Desmond had fallen asleep. His heart calmed down as it'd been beating violently before, but then he asked, "What will we do once they let us out?"

 

"I don't know. They're offering a pretty substantial settlement and I don't think any of us would try to fight for more. I just want to forget that island and what we've been through," she confessed when idly stroking his chest with her hand. His arm tightened around her. "And I want to start a new life. We'll have enough money to live comfortably anyway."

 

"Yes, and something tells me that there's not an amount of money in this world than can actually erase what happened from our minds. The trauma will always be there."

 

"I know," Julie agreed sadly, remembering the first night they'd spent in this hotel apartment. Desmond had actually woken up, drenched in sweat, convinced that he'd been in the bunker and that the button had still existed. She was sure it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last, but she would be there for him every step of the way. She'd then, too, woken up and thanks to her soothing words, to her kisses and arms she'd put around him, he'd finally calmed down enough to fall asleep again. It truly pained her that he had to go through this. It pained her ever more when she realized that if it hadn't been for her, Desmond would've been forced out into the word with literally nothing. There would've been no settlement from the Dharma Initiative for him, no monetary compensation. How would have he even survived? Where would have he lived? Where would have he found a job? Would have he just wound up on a street? Would have he been driven mad by the nightmares about the button? Would have he killed himself? Julie shivered when thinking over all those dreadful scenarios.

 

"Hey, what is it?" Desmond asked, his voice so full of care for her, which made her heart ache even more. He was such a good man and he so didn't deserve anything that had happened to him. But again, it must've happened for a reason. It'd brought them together, so maybe there would never be a time she needed to be worried about him coming back to America or Scotland with nothing and no one. Maybe they were always meant to find each other and make a living together.

 

"Nothing," she said when propping herself on her elbow, so she could look into his face. "I just love you so much. I'm so happy we found each other."

 

"Me, too, lass. Me, too," he told her softly and they kissed. Then Julie straddled him, feeling the need to be close to him once again and he actually hardened all the way when she leaned towards him, her breasts grazing against his chest, her lips kissing him eagerly, lovingly, deeply.

 

"I can't believe you," he groaned when she reached her hand to his hardness, applying just the right amount of pressure as she stroke him. "So that was your hidden agenda! To get another go at this!"

 

"Actually, no, it just happened. And no one told you to get excited, so just shut up," she then told him and rode him, but they were both tired, so they took it slow and once they were done, Julie didn't even remember getting off of him, she just fell asleep with him spooning her.

 

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The fifth day, most of the survivors were already being driven crazy, desperate to have that press conference already and to finally meet with their families. Quite frankly, Julie got bored staying in their room while even clothes were brought to them, so they could keep a low profile. She'd enjoyed being there only with Desmond, but eventually, she started to feel like a prisoner and it was close to what she'd felt back on the island since they couldn't seem to leave. And then, in the day of the press conference, Desmond was actually allowed to get out to use the service of the hotel's hairdresser. He wasn't one of the Oceanic Seven anyway. In fact, he was a nobody to the reporters and it pained Julie a little, but she also felt jealous that he was allowed to leave, even if for a moment, and she wanted to go with him, but then he convinced her to stay, which just seemed weird. Julie actually started thinking that he was starting to get sick of her since they'd been cooped up together for nearly five days, so she let him go, suddenly insecure about their future. She knew she was being silly, but she just couldn't help it. She'd suffered through way too much to just be so sure now that they would always stay together. They'd been both brought together by their traumatic experiences and now, out in the real world, it would take much more of their efforts to actually keep their relationship than it'd taken on the island.

 

Eventually, Desmond made his way back and once Julie took a closer look at him, she thought she stopped breathing there for a moment. It struck her how handsome he really was. She liked the way he'd looked with the slightly too long hair and the beard. She thought he'd been handsome then, too. Only now, now he was just… so good looking. She didn't anticipate to see this man in her door. This clean-shaven man with hair cut neatly and styled. A man wearing a suit, a black tie and… holding a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

 

"Wow," she finally gasped and just couldn't take her eyes away from him. "You're actually handsome!" she decided it would better if she just teased him. There had been way too many heavy emotions between them recently.

 

"So I wasn't before?" he pretended to be offended and then he walked over to her and kissed her.

 

"Where did you get the roses?" she asked when accepting the bouquet. "They're beautiful."

 

"Just like you are," he said. "And I also have something else for you." He reached to the pocket of his jacket and retrieved a small velvet box.

 

Julie's eyes opened widely as she couldn't comprehend where he'd even gotten that from. Then she realized it was the very reason to which he hadn't wanted her to come with him in the first place and she wanted to smack herself upside the head for ever thinking he might've been getting tired of her constant presence.

 

"I promised I would get you a ring," he just said and opened the box, revealing a small and delicate engagement ring. It was simple and probably didn't cost thousands of dollars, but Julie didn't care. She loved it. And she could just stare at it in awe, speechless. "Provided you still want to marry me," Desmond added.

 

"What?" She shook her head and looked up into his eyes. "Of course, I do! It's just… Desmond, how did you get it?" Her eyes filled up with tears she couldn't stop and he brought his hand to her face to gently wipe what he could with his thumbs.

 

"I had a small storage unit. I got it right before my regatta, so I could put what little I had left there. I talked to the manager of this hotel while you were sleeping two days ago and he agreed to help me, touched by our love story." Desmond smiled fondly at her. "He helped me sell my stuff, so I could get this for you. I didn't want to buy you a ring from the money you'll get from Oceanic. It would feel… just wrong. And I didn't want to wait till I get a job either."

 

Julie could truly do nothing to stop her tears from flowing now. It was the most romantic and touching thing she'd ever heard, the most selfless and loving gesture someone had ever done for her. She truly had no words to thank him and he seemed to understand it all when he saw the look on her face. He took the ring out of the box and slid it on her finger. For a while there, Julie just stared at her hand, couldn't believe this small and simple, but yet such a beautiful thing, was there. This ring was just like them, it represented all they'd been through, all they were, it represented their love.

 

"Oh, my God, I can't… I can't find the words…" she stopped there and just cupped his face, pressing her lips hard against his, kissing him with all her might, trying to show him how much she appreciated the ring, how much she loved him at that moment. "Always and forever," she whispered against his lips when she was about to pull away.

 

"Always and forever," he agreed, nodding. She could see that he, too, was just as emotional at the moment as she was, but he didn't start crying although his eyes were a little glassy.

 

"I hope you know that this is worth more to me than all the millions the Oceanic is giving me," she assured him when raising her hand with the ring up. He didn't say anything to that, but she could see that she undid him completely and she was glad to be able to kiss off the one stray tear which escaped his eye.

 

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The press conference was dull and it seemed like it was never going to end. The remaining survivors from the flight 815 had been being grilled with questions for hours and to the point in which they were all scared of saying something that would contradict their whole story. Julie noticed the nervous glance Kate sent Jack once she was asked when exactly she'd given birth to Aaron and how old the boy was. Not being able to be near Desmond also unsettled Julie. He hadn't been on the plane, so he needed to wait aside for the time of the conference. The only assuring and helpful thing was the strong presence of Jack right next to her. Jack who was so focused on making the right impression, so focused on the story they'd all come up with, that she could relax just a little. He had the situation under control and he did it so skillfully the reporters didn't even notice his influence. In this very moment, he was truly a rock for Julie who was still so devastated that Claire wasn't there with them. Things would be much easier if she was. The moment Jack spotted the ring on Julie's finger, he smiled warmly at her and she felt that everything would be all right, that they would somehow get out of this mess and finally be released into the world, able to start new lives. Still, she was sure they would all stay in touch. No one could know what they'd really been through, so any psychological help was out of the question, unless they wanted to land up in a psychiatric ward, Julie thought with a frown.

 

Once the press conference was over and the Oceanic settlement signed; the survivors didn't really want to take it to court and fight for more since this way they would never be truly able to leave it all behind; Julie was free to go see Desmond and they could just… go. They would go back to their hotel from where they would look for an apartment or at least a temporarily place to live in until they would assimilate themselves into the world again. They didn't have to worry about money for at least a few years if they didn't get a job soon, so they felt relaxed now that it was all over.

 

Yet, before Julie reached Desmond who was waiting near the back door, she needed to say goodbye to her friends since she knew once the back door was open, there would be families waiting. She hugged Kate who promised to call in a few days, so Julie would get an update on Aaron. They were also planning on some regular meetings. Then Julie disappeared in a bear hug she got from Hurley, shook Sayid's hand and hugged Sun even though she wasn't that close with the woman. Jack was the last one in line and he just embraced Julie tightly. They'd seemed to become very good friends, she realized. Obviously there was nothing romantic between them, but she did love Jack. She loved him as a brother and she was truly grateful for everything he'd done for her.

 

"Take care, will ya?" he just asked when he released her from his arms and then smiled to her broadly. "And take care of Desmond for me, too."

 

"I will." She smiled back through tears. "Thank you, Jack, for everything."

 

He just nodded and added, "Call me soon, all right?"

 

"Of course. We'll keep in touch," she assured him.

 

"Beautiful ring by the way," he pointed out when they slowly moved towards the back door.

 

"Yeah, it has a beautiful story behind it, too," she told him fast how Desmond had gotten it.

 

"The guy must really love you. I'm nearly jealous of what you have."

 

"Well, you know, it's not too late to get it yourself," Julie hinted when looking at Kate. "You just need to have faith and just try."

 

Jack didn't say anything to that and then, he turned to hug Sun.

 

Somebody put a hand on Julie's shoulder from behind and she turned around to face him with a smile on her face. A smile that disappeared the moment she realized she wasn't looking at Desmond. She was looking at her former crush. What was he even doing there was beyond her comprehension.

 

"Julie," he said her name and she really hated the way it sounded when coming from his mouth.

 

"What are you doing here?" she asked sharply, not sure whether she was surprised or repulsed completely by him. She couldn't be more sure now that he was the biggest mistake of her life. A mistake that had led her towards something amazing, but a mistake nevertheless. How dare he come here to see her as though nothing had happened?!

 

"I just want to talk to you. I feel awful about everything. You were on that plane because of me and…" he started.

 

"I can't fucking believe you," she blurted out in anger and he actually opened his eyes widely in surprise.

 

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

 

"How dare you come here and talk to me like this? Like nothing happened?! You acted like a complete asshole back in Australia! You used me and then threw me away like a rug! And now you just show up here, asking if I'm all right?! Well, guess what, buddy! I am not for the simple fact that you're here right now!"

 

The man seemed to be perplexed and then he opened his mouth to say something, but Desmond chose that moment to come over to them and he asked in a cold voice, "Is there a problem here?"

 

"No, not a problem," the professor said, clearly thinking that Desmond was a security guard. "The lady and I were just talking."

 

"No, you don't understand!" Julie snapped at the unwelcomed guest and then stood right next to Desmond who put his arm protectively around her. "He's with me," she informed. "So you can just go. There's nothing left here for you, nothing I can say to you."

 

"Few months on a deserted island and you just had to spread your legs for someone," the man then teased, losing control as he clearly didn't like that Julie had moved on and wasn't pining for him. He did not see the slap coming, though.

 

"How dare you?!" she spat out. "You little piece of shit! You want to know the truth?! Well, here it is! The plane crash was the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me because it freed me of you! That ticket was by far the best thing you've ever given me! Yes, it was!" she repeated when she was met with a completely dumbstruck face. "You're just a cold and heartless bastard and you don't even deserve me wasting my breath here! Who are you to go around and tell everyone that love doesn't exist? Just because you've never felt it, doesn't mean that none of us has! I don't care if you got hurt in the past or you just are this way! What you're doing to women, to people around you, it's just plain wrong! You're nothing than a pathetic idiot and I'm done here! I'd rather be in a plane crash again than spend any more time in your company, so excuse me!" She turned around when taking Desmond's hand, but he refused to go. "Desmond?" she looked back at him with a frown. "Let's go."

 

"In a moment," the Scotsman said and then he actually hit the man.

 

Julie grimaced when his fiancé's fist came in contact with her ex boyfriend's face, causing the latter to actually lose his balance and fall to the floor.

 

"That's for nearly destroying this amazing girl," Desmond informed him and then pulled Julie towards the exit.

 

"So we've spent a few days locked up in a room just to give the reporters something worth the news, after all," Julie summarized when shaking her head, but then she actually burst out laughing. "Did you see the look on his face when you hit him?!"

 

"I promised you I would, didn't I?" Desmond just said when putting his arm around her. She clang to his side affectionately.

 

"I've had the situation under control, just so you know," she assured him.

 

"I know you did. And I'm very proud of you handling it so well." He placed a soft kiss on her head. "But I needed to hit him after everything I've heard about him."

 

"I understand. I just hope your hand's fine."

 

"Nothing a pack of ice can't cure. Or your delicious lips for that matter," Desmond teased her and she laughed again. They reached the limo that was sent to take them back to the hotel.

 

"I'm just sorry that tomorrow our pictures will be in all the papers."

 

"I don't mind. I'm already there anyway." Julie shrugged. "And that asshole deserves all the bad press he can get!"


	10. Chapter 10

Julie found herself being stirred awake. For a moment she just lay there in confusion, tying to remember where she was and why she was awake. She looked at the clock on the bedside table and it read three in the morning. The man's body lying next to her jerked once again and she realized that it was Desmond, the ring on her hand only proving it. They'd moved into this small house on the suburbs just two days ago and Julie still had trouble adjusting to the new way of living. Ever since they'd made it out of the island, living had truly been a struggle. It was actually hard to come back to the rhythm of shopping, taking care of the house, cooking and just being among civilization. She and Desmond had spent a few days in the hotel, looking for a place to live and then the opportunity had present itself like a true miracle. They'd found a small and cute house on the suburbs and bought it immediately in fear that such an occasion would just get past them. They weren't worried about the money since what they'd already spent had only made a small dent in their account. Julie was confident that soon they would settle themselves in properly, buy more furniture, make this house a real home. She was happy most of the times when trying not to think too much of the island they'd left behind and especially, of Claire. They really weren't kidding when they said you couldn't have it all, Julie thought. Still, she thanked God every single day for what she did have. Desmond appearing in her life, even as damaged as he was, was all her dreams coming true. She didn't need anything else for herself if she had him and his love. Besides, she was damaged, too, and his problems just now made itself known again.

 

Julie reached to the bedside table and switched on the lamp, then she sat up in the bed and looked at Desmond. He still didn't wake up, clearly dreaming about the button or Charlie drowning. It was always one of those. Julie's heart ached every time she saw him like this; unable to wake up, to end the nightmare, his body drenched in cold sweat. Sometimes he even said something, usually just a few words here and there, but once she clearly heard him telling Charlie not to do it and one other he screamed her own name and told her that he loved her.

 

With her face winced in pain as she truly couldn't take the man she loved suffering like this and would gladly just take some of the pain, if not all of it if, she tentatively reached her hand to his shoulder and gently shook him.

 

"Desmond? Desmond, honey, please, wake up," she said and then he suddenly opened his eyes, looking around in confusion and fear. Once his panicked eyes met hers, he took a deep breath and brought his hands to his face, covering it like in shame that she was forced to do this for him yet once again.

 

"Hey, it's ok," she said in a soothing voice when touching his shoulder again and squeezing it gently and reassuringly. "It's not your fault, Des, that you have nightmares."

 

"I'm just sorry I keep waking you up," he said, sighing and then finally taking his hands off his face and sitting up. He reached to the glass of water he kept on his bedside table and drunk it all in one gulp.

 

"You have nothing to be apologizing for. I'm just glad I'm here for you," she reassured him again when scooting over to him and pulling him into a hug. "There's no point in fear," she said what she always did when he woke up in terror. "It's all over. We're never going back there. We're together."

 

"I love you," he just said when hugging her back tightly and breathing her in. She was his constant, his anchor. Thanks to her he was a happy man and once he was haunted by his nightmares about the button or Charlie's death, she was always there to tell him that it was all over. He truly didn't know what he would do without her and quite frankly, he'd rather not even think about it. She was his everything and he truly thought that he'd won a lottery when she'd fallen in love with him. God knew he didn't deserve it. But then again, she kept telling him that he did deserve it for all the bad things that had already happened to him. She said that he was a good and loving man and that he would always deserve the best. Maybe she was right just a little. Or maybe she was the one making him a better man. After all, before he'd met her, he hadn't been at his best. He'd been lost, nearly pushed into committing suicide, looking for comfort in alcohol.

 

"I love you, too. So much," she answered him when stroking his hair. "I wish I could help you some more. I wish we could just talk to someone about those nightmares, but then again, we can't talk to any psychologist about the island."

 

"Jack's a doctor. He already offered to give me a prescription, but I don't want drugs to help me sleep," Desmond reminded her. "I can fall asleep on my own."

 

"Yes, but what if those drugs could help you?" Julie asked with care, respecting his decision, but wanting to help him just the same. She pulled away and looked at his face.

 

"They won't. Just because I'd be drugged in order to sleep, doesn't mean that those nightmares would stop haunting me during the day. We've tried talking about it, we've tried distraction… It just doesn't work that way, Julie. I'm sorry. I'm sure it'll get better one day."

 

"I want this for you so much." She brought a hand to his face and cupped his cheek. She, too, sometimes had dreams, usually about Claire left alone on the island, driven crazy because of the lost of her child. Only those weren't nearly as frequent as Desmond's dreams and if Julie was really tired, she didn't have them at all.

 

Desmond leaned towards her and kissed her gently.

 

"What time is it?" he asked when he pulled away.

 

"After three," Julie informed him.

 

"Plenty of time for us and then some sleep. What time is the funeral?" he made sure.

 

The next day - or rather today - Julie realized, was Christian Shephard's funeral, delayed by whole months. The Shephard family still didn't have the body, but there had been no funeral in the first place because of the plane crash. Jack's family had never had a memorial service for him either since they'd kept their faith. As it turned out, they'd had it for a reason. Jack had called two days ago asking if Julie and Desmond wanted to come. He hadn't pushed, just merely told them about the date and they really wanted to be there for him. After all, they hadn't seen him since the day of the press conference.

 

"Nine," Julie remembered and gave Desmond her answer. "We can get up before eight and we'll get there on time."

 

"Good," he said and pulled her with him towards the bed and started kissing her more passionately, his hand running all over her body, working her up into arousal. Only he never had to work hard for it since she was so in love with him that she was ready immediately. Still, she enjoyed the foreplay just the same and then, they finally preceded to even more exciting activities, him sliding inside her and making love to her slowly. The feel of her body all over him, of his flesh moving intimately inside her, her lips on his own, her attentive hands, it all caused him to finally forget his nightmare and feel truly happy once again.

 

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A funeral without a body was a strange occurrence, but Julie quickly realized that what they said was right - funerals were for the living, not for the dead ones. The Shephard family needed to say their goodbye once and for all and to let go of Christian, to finally deal with his death.

 

When Julie and Desmond entered the church, they spotted Jack with his mother sitting in the first row, but they chose to stay in the back and talk to Jack once the whole thing was over. Kate with Aaron in her arms soon joined them and that was it. No one else from the Oceanic Seven came. Still, they didn't expect them to. Sun was back in Korea while Sayid was travelling with Nadia, and Hurley was probably spending time with his family.

 

When the funeral was over, Julie actually received an explanation to why Hugo wasn't there. Kate took her and Desmond aside, so they could talk freely and say hi to Aaron while Jack was talking to his relatives.

 

"Hugo's locked up," Kate informed in a hushed voice.

 

"What?" Julie seemed surprised. "Are you sure?"

 

"He claims that he can talk to dead people," Kate explained sadly. "He's temporarily held in a mental facility. The doctors are giving him the diagnosis right now. Jack pulled a few strings and apparently, Hugo is really sick. He actually has a history of mental illness."

 

"It makes you think that maybe he'd be better off on the island," Desmond dared say, but they all understood him perfectly. If Rose had fought off cancer and Locked had walked again after being completely paralyzed, then Hugo could've been healthy there, too.

 

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now except try to help him," Kate said and then her eyes rested on something in the distance. "Does that woman seem familiar to you somehow?" she asked when squinting her eyes.

 

Both Julie and Desmond turned around to look at the person Kate pointed out. She was blonde and middle aged; just now talking to Jack.

 

"Jack seems rather shocked, doesn't he?" Desmond noticed.

 

"Oh, God," Julie gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, Jack meeting her eyes at the same moment. "It's Claire's mother. It has to be," she said.

 

"I think you're right," Kate admitted. "She does look a little like Claire. But what could she be doing here talking to Jack?"

 

"I guess we'll find out soon enough," Julie said when noticing Jack shooting a very nervous glance towards Aaron. Then the woman finally left the church, but she did give Jack her card first. Why?

 

"Jack, is everything all right?" Kate asked the moment the young and only living Shephard male finally came over to them.

 

"I'm not… I'm not really sure," Jack admitted, shock still visible on his face. "Julie, Desmond, I really appreciate you coming," he then said and gave them both a hug.

 

"Good to see you, brotha," Desmond nodded.

 

"Was it Claire's mother?" Julie wanted to know.

 

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was," Jack agreed and then looked at Aaron. "It turns out… God, I don't even know how to begin wrapping my mind around all of this." He ran his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture.

 

"Jack, you're scaring me," Kate admitted.

 

"I'm… Apparently, I'm his uncle," Jack pointed Aaron and the three of them just looked at him in confusion, not understanding a thing. "Claire was my half-sister," he finally followed with an explanation and now all of them were rendered shocked. "My father flew to Australia in the first place to meet with her and then he drank himself to death. Claire was pregnant and she wanted to give the baby to a family back in Los Angeles and I was taking my father's body home… God, how could I spend so much time with her and not see this? Why didn't we figure it out?"

 

"Well, it wasn't like you two spent much time talking to each other about your past," Julie said, trying to put Jack's mind at rest.

 

"I have a sister and I left her there," Jack told her, tears gathering up in his eyes. "How could I just do something like that?"

 

"How could I take my best friend's child and leave?" Julie just asked and felt Desmond's arm immediately going around her to give her the much needed comfort and support. Julie noticed that the gesture caused Kate to actually sadden and she thought that Kate and Jack should really work through their problems and be together. Still, it wasn't the time for that just yet. Now they had something more important to talk about.

 

"We all thought we'd come back for them, brotha," Desmond then said.

 

"I was the one who convinced you all to lie," Jack argued, guilt pouring out of his voice.

 

"No, you just were the one who saw things clearly," Kate assured him when reaching a hand towards him and gently touching his shoulder. "We all know that there wasn't really any other choice. We would never be free if we told the truth."

 

"They will never be free," Jack pointed out.

 

"Maybe eventually, they will find a way out." Julie chose to have hope. There was not a day that went by without her thinking about Claire and not feeling guilty. But then again, if Claire had a choice, would she rather Aaron have a chance at real life among civilization? Somewhere he could play with his peers, get the education he needed and have the health care he so deserved?

 

"The question now is," Desmond started, "will you tell Claire's mother that Aaron is her grandson?"

 

"I don't know. I really don't know…"

 

"We can't," Kate said to their astonishment. "If we do, then who knows what she'll do? We don't know if we can trust her. What if she files for custody? What if she takes Aaron away from us forever?"

 

"Technically, Aaron doesn't belong to us," Julie pointed out.

 

"Yes, but…" Kate stopped for a moment and then resumed, "I just don't think we should do it now when we already told everyone that he's my son. I'm still a criminal and I'll go to trial. Did you forget about that? If they find out I was lying, they'll never believe me again and they'll lock me up for good."

 

"Kate, Kate, calm down," Jack said when placing both of his hands on the brunette's shoulders and looking her in the eye. "No one is doing anything, all right? Yes, you have a valid point here. We cannot let you go to prison. We've gone too far with this and it's not only about you anymore. If we tell them about Aaron, then they'll begin questioning everything, absolutely everything else we told them. They can take away out settlement money and Hugo's in a psychiatric hospital right now. What if they talk to him and he tells them everything just because he won't know any better? We just… I feel bad about it, but we can't tell Claire's mother about Aaron."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once Julie and Desmond got home, they were still talking about yet another difficult matter they'd faced.

 

"I just feel so sorry for this woman," Desmond said when shaking his head. "But I know Jack is right. We can't just tell her. Then we'll lose everything and I can't let that happen." He walked towards his fiancée who just turned on the coffee maker in the kitchen. He put his arms around her from behind and just enjoyed holding her.

 

"I know," she agreed with him when putting her hands over his own that rested against her stomach and leaning into his chest. "If only we knew that before. I'm sick of our life being so complicated, you know?" She then spotted a blinking light on their answering machine. "Somebody left a message." She pressed the button, listening.

 

"This is Kurt Stevens calling Julie Stanley. Miss Stanley, we have an opening in our Literature Department and I would be delighted if you accepted a teaching position at the university. It came to my attention that you graduated here at the top of your class and professor Alexander Roys suggested you should take the vacancy. Please, call me at your earliest convenience." The message ended, followed by another beep.

 

Julie could feel Desmond's body tensing behind her, his hold on her tightening.

 

"How dare he?" the Scotsman finally hissed.

 

"Des, it's fine. I don't want to teach anyway," Julie tried to calm him down. She turned around, forcing him to release her from his arms and she faced him. "Teaching was never on my list of things to do," she assured him when cupping his face. "And I don't want to have anything to do with that guy ever again."

 

"It doesn't matter," Desmond just said. "Don't you see what he's doing? He won't just let go and I can't understand why. He never loved you. Not really."

 

"I never loved him either," she sighed, "but I guess his pride is hurt exactly because I don't care anymore. Let me just call Stevens back. I'll say no to the job and the whole thing will be over."

 

"No, it won't be." Desmond shook his head. "I need to talk to the guy."

 

"What? No! No way! Why would you? He's not worth it."

 

"I feel like I need to," Desmond said. "And don't worry. I won't get violent, honey, I promise. I just want to talk to him."

 

"The last time he tried to talk, you punched him in the face and walked away, remember?" she asked.

 

"It was right after you slapped him," he reminded her.

 

Julie couldn't help but smile at the fond memory.

 

"I just don't want him to say something to you that would hurt your feelings. We're happy together. Why ruin it by talking to him?"

 

"If I don't talk to him, he may keep bothering you. Is this something that you want?" Desmond asked the perfect question. "I can make him stop. And trust me, I will be civil."

 

Julie just stood there, biting her lip, having completely forgotten about the coffee she was going to make. The water in the maker was already heated up, but she just sighed and turned it off. "All right. Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't want to see him ever again, but he needs to be put in his place. Just please, don't get yourself in any trouble."

 

"I won't. I promise. I have too much to lose," Desmond assured her and kissed her briefly, then he exited the house.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once Desmond reached the door to professor Roys's office, he took a deep breath and did his best to school himself. It wouldn't do him any good if he lashed out at the guy again. It hadn't worked the last time, after all, and he didn't want to get in any trouble. He couldn't do it to Julie. She trusted him and was waiting for him home. Finally, he raised his hand to knock and then he walked inside.

 

Alexander Roys looked up at him from his sitting position by the desk, surprise evident on his face. Eventually, he stood up and said, "I didn't expect you here."

 

"Who did you expect? Her? Coming here and thanking you for your generous offer? Do you even know her? She hates teaching," Desmond answered immediately and then he discovered that his tone grew angry and hostile with every spoken word, so he did his best to calm himself down again.

 

"How protective of you," Roys just said, nearly in mockery. He came out of his desk and faced Desmond. "Why didn't you let her tell me that herself?"

 

"Let?" Desmond raised his eyebrows at that. "Oh, you still don't get it, do you? You've hurt her so much that she doesn't even want to see you."

 

"So she hides behind you?" Alexander kept provoking him. "You're not the right man for her and deep down, you know it."

 

"Oh, so you are?" Desmond answered back.

 

"What do you even do for a living?" Alex just asked, not affected by what Desmond told him at all. "You have no job, you live out of her money. You're no one. You're a savage who picked her up on a deserted island."

 

Desmond actually laughed at that, choosing this reaction over hitting the man again and it actually proved itself useful because the self-assuring smirk disappeared from the professor's face.

 

"You still don't know how much you hurt her," Desmond just continued. "When I met her, she was a total wreck."

 

"I just wanted to help her find a good job, that's all." Alex shrugged.

 

"Well, she doesn't need your help. She is strong and she can take care of herself," Desmond kept protecting his fiancée. "And the last thing she'll ever want to do is to see you, got that, lad?"

 

"Man, I just feel bad. I haven't been sleeping well ever since I heard about the plane crash and when I found out that she was actually alive…" Roys tried to explain himself.

 

"Then what? You ran straight to her, hoping that the moment she saw you, she would just forget what you did to her and fall straight into your arms?" Desmond mocked Roys. "And once you actually saw her there with me, you immediately called her a whore! So, yeah, excuse me if don't feel sorry for you not being able to sleep at night! You may look down on me all you want and think that I'm less of a man than you are just because I don't have a fancy job or a life already established here, but… I don't care!" Desmond raised his voice and threw his hands up into the air. "I've already spent about half of my life dealing with guys like you, men who thought me to be unworthy. I'm done with it, ok? You weren't there! You didn't see how broken she was and it was all your fault! You have no idea what you did to her! That poor girl spent over fifty days in complete isolation, not even speaking to anyone, brooding over what happened to her, being afraid that everyone else would turn out to be just like you! Then she met me and somehow, we both helped each other and everything we've been through, everything we've done for each other…" Desmond came to a stop, just shaking his head. "You will never understand that. You can't sleep at night? Well, guess what! We can't either! And you are the only one who deserves it! I won't feel sorry for you. You claim to have changed, yet you were the first one to cast stones at her when we came back. She just wants to live a life free of you, so don't you even dare try calling or talking to her ever again, got that, brotha?"

 

By the time Desmond finished talking, Alexander Roys was truly speechless, his mouth just hanging open.

 

"See you in another life, although I hope that will never happen," Desmond said his usual goodbye and then he just left.

 

Once he actually found himself outside the office, he bumped into Julie.

 

"I love you so much," she just told him when cupping his face and placing a kiss to his lips. He could just stand there, stunned that she was there. Where did she even come from?

 

"But you said…" he finally started when she pulled him into a hug.

 

"I'm sorry, I know I said I would stay home, but I was worried. I know the guy and I know that he can say some pretty nasty stuff. And I wasn't wrong, he did."

 

"So you were listening behind the door?" Desmond asked, not sure if he should laugh or not.

 

"Well, yeah," she admitted sheepishly. "I heard all of it. Got a few hostile glances from the people who passed by me when I kept my ear pressed to the door, but I heard every word. And I love you and I am so proud of you," she repeated when pulling away and looking into his eyes. "I am so proud of you standing up for us like that and for finally believing that you are a good man, Desmond; a man who deserves to be happy. Let's just go home and start our lives together, all right?"

 

He nodded, stunned by her words and then he let her take his hand and pull him towards the exit. He'd known hitting the professor would be a wrong move and he nearly smiled. It'd cost him a lot to actually restrain himself from physical violence and from showing off how much the guy's words had hurt him, but now he was just happy and proud of himself. He was finally learning and it was high time for that.

 

Neither Julie nor Desmond noticed that Alex opened his door when they'd been hugging. He wanted to tell the man something again, just to have the last word. Only then, he just peaked through a crack, watching the scene before him and listening to Julie. Once the couple disappeared, Alex closed the door, deciding it was for the best.


	11. Chapter 11

The next week passed with no more revelations and Julie and Desmond were glad to actually finally be able to settle down. The next step for them was to figure out what they would do with their lives. Eventually, they both wanted to find a job and as it should be easy for Julie who was freshly out of college and now quite popular when being one of the Oceanic Seven, it was hard for Desmond. Not only was he Scottish, he also hadn't been in the United States for years.

 

"I think I know what I want to do," Julie announced one morning when they were having breakfast and coffee by the kitchen table. Desmond was just looking through a morning paper, trying to find a job. It was something he did every morning, but so far, he had no luck.

 

"What is it?" he asked her then and folded the paper. One more thing she loved about him was that whenever she said something, wanted to talk or simply wanted his attention, he just dropped everything he was doing and focused completely on her. Even now, when she could tell he began to seriously worry about ever finding a job and as much as she didn't mind having him there all day long, she knew it was a blow to his pride as he was a man and couldn't afford his own living.

 

"I think I could write a book," she said in a serious tone, yet she was kind of afraid he would laugh at her. Of course, he did not do such a thing.

 

"Honey, you know I support you in everything you want to do, but I don't think you can write about what really happened to us," he told her gently.

 

"I won't," she assured him. "I always liked to write and I'm planning on writing fiction," she informed. "I have a lot of great ideas after everything I've seen on the island, that's true, but don't worry, I won't tell the real story. I'll just borrow a few things and twist them around to fit my vision."

 

"Actually, that's a very good idea," he voiced his opinion when thinking about it some more. " And I am sure that you'll be great at it."

 

"Thank you." Julie smiled to him and then raised from her seat and situated herself on Desmond's laps, winding her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. "I love you. Did you know that?"

 

"Well, maybe I did, but feel free to remind me every now and then." He smiled against her lips. "I love you, too." They kissed for a moment and then Desmond's cell rang. "Eh, no sense of time," he complained when pulling away from Julie and reaching to his pocket. Normally he wouldn't pick up a phone when making out with his fiancée, but now he had to stay vigilant in case someone called to offer him a job he so desperately needed. "It's Sun," he informed Julie when looking at the caller id. "Hi, Sun," he said when accepting the call and pressing the phone to his ear.

 

Julie frowned, trying to figure out why the woman was calling him. She was never close to Sun, not to mention Desmond. If she had to put a label on their relations, she would simply say that they'd been on the same island. Although Julie had once contributed to saving Sun's husband's life, so maybe the Korean did owe her. Only then again, Jin was left behind.

 

"Wait, say it again," Desmond asked the woman. He seemed pleasantly surprised and Julie wondered what Sun might be telling him about. "Well, of course, I would love to, but quite frankly, I'm just not sure that I'm up for this… Really? Well, then thank you, Sun, we have a deal… Sure, I'll be there. See you in Friday." He hang up, looking slightly dazed.

 

"Desmond?" Julie asked when trying to read his face, but she came up with no explanation to what Sun might want from him. "Des? What is it?" She visibly tensed when still sitting in his laps and finally, he looked her in the eye.

 

"Sun took over her father's company in Korea," he informed, "and she wants a trusted man to run the subsidiary here, in America."

 

"And she thought of you?" Julie asked, bracing herself for what he would say next. She didn't want to squeal with joy and start kissing him again just yet in case Sun didn't really offer him that position.

 

"Yes," he admitted when still not believing it himself. "She wants me to run it and I told her that I might not have enough of qualifications for the job, but she said I could learn and that after everything that happened, she needs someone she can talk freely to, someone she can trust. She told me she lost that trust in her father and her real family is the one who stood by her on the island. The one who helped her get up after what happened to Jin."

 

"But we didn't really do that much," Julie protested as now she was the one to be left in shock.

 

"Oh, really? You want to tell me that you didn't save Jin's life when the others invaded the camp?" Desmond asked.

 

"Well, all right, maybe I did, but what I was really trying to do was to get to you," she explained.

 

"It doesn't matter. You still saved him. And you're with me now."

 

"Wow, let me tell you something, honey, you need to go out there and buy yourself some suits. You're gonna need them," Julie just said and he smiled at her.

 

"You have no idea how much this job offer means to me," he confessed when stroking her arm with his hand that rested there. "I know I haven't earned it, but…"

 

"Are you kidding me?!" Julie raised her voice, surprising him completely. "Of course you've earned it! If anyone deserves the best kind of life, it's you, Desmond. You've been through so much whereas you're such a good man."

 

"Ok, stop it," he said, feeling awkward when hearing so many compliments coming from her.

 

"I mean it. Maybe you didn't work hard to get this job, but I am sure you will do everything you can to prove to Sun that you can do this, that you can be good at it."

 

"Well, that I will definitely do, of course," he admitted and kissed her.

 

"I think that this calls for a celebration," she said when eventually pulling away to take a breath. "What do say we move this party to the bedroom?" she hinted when sliding her hand down his chest.

 

"Or we can just stay here and enjoy this nice oak table," he suggested and she discovered that she liked that idea very much.

 

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Desmond officially accepted Sun's offer and while the branch in America was still being created, he started taking business classes to help him perform his job better. The grand opening was in three months and then he would have to start. Julie helped him with everything as much as she could, being the supportive fiancée. They were actually hoping to change that title right after Kate's trial. Provided Kate would go free, they would elope to finally tie the knot with only her and Jack present as their witnesses. It pained Julie that she couldn't ask Claire, but there was nothing she could do for the blonde now besides taking a good care of Aaron. The boy was officially living with Kate, but during the trial, Julie and Desmond took him in. Julie was actually surprised when she fell completely in love with the little boy and started catching herself on wondering what her and Desmond's child would look like. She always wanted a son, but she wasn't sure she was ready for a such a big step just yet. She still felt insecure and scared when it came to a possible pregnancy and was very grateful to Desmond for not pushing her or broaching the subject just yet. She did see the way he looked at Aaron and she appreciated that much more that he hadn't asked her the obvious question yet. She actually wouldn't be surprised if he just hinted at it since he was so much older than she was and she loved him even more for not saying anything. Sometimes she felt like her heart would burst from her affection towards the man. He was truly wonderful when taking care of her and being careful with all the touchy subjects. In such moments she wanted nothing more than to make all of his dreams come true, but it just didn't work that way. She knew that he wouldn't want her to do something for him while not being sure she was ready for it herself. He took what she gave him and it was enough for now. Besides, right now with planning to elope, with Kate's trial, taking care of Aaron, Desmond's classes and his preparations for his future job, there wasn't even time to think about having kids of their own. Yet, somehow Julie trusted that the future would solve everything.

 

In the final day of Kate's trial, the three of them: Jack, Desmond and Julie were called to testify. They were all under oath, so technically their lying was a serious and punishable offence, but it wasn't really worse than what they'd already done when lying to the whole world about the plane crash. The brutal truth was that the court of justice didn't care that even though Kate had caused her stepfather's death, she'd saved and helped so many of the survivors on the island. The court didn't care what they'd all really been through, what they'd all really done in order to get home. They didn't care that Kate didn't deserve to go to prison, that she'd paid for all she'd done already by going through hell. They were supposed to find her guilty for the crime she'd committed years ago. And she would've been found guilty if it hadn't been for the three consistent testimonies, saying that she was one of the best people the witnesses had ever met and that she'd saved many lives right after the crash. Half of that was plain fiction, but the jury bought it, showing mercy to the woman who'd given birth on the island and yet, managed to do so much good out there. According to Jack, without Kate, they might've never survived long enough in order to make it out.

 

And just like that, Kate was free to go. Just like that, Desmond and Julie could release their breaths, knowing that Kate would be the mother Aaron had already gotten used to and that she would be a witness on their wedding. They were happy that the nightmare was finally over.

 

After the trial, Kate thanked Desmond and Julie and then she hugged them, so happy and relieved that she was finally free. Aaron was at daycare at the moment and she wanted to pick him up as soon as possible.

 

"Thank you again," Kate repeated. "And text me the details about your wedding!" she told them when finally making her way to the parking garage to get her car.

 

Julie saw the way Jack looked at Kate as she was walking away from them and she advised, "Go after her."

 

"What? But we haven't…" Jack started, but Julie just interrupted him, exasperated with him and Kate eternally dancing around each other.

 

"Seriously, Jack, she's not in love with Saywer and everyone with eyes can see that! Now, go after her before she disappears on you again."

 

Jack shifted his eyes to Desmond like he was looking for some support in his friend, but Desmond just said, "Don't look at me, brotha, she's right." He pulled his arm around Julie. "Take it from us. There's no time to waste when it comes to love."

 

"Eh… all right!" Jack agreed, annoyed by the way both Julie and Desmond were looking at him. "All right!" he repeated and went after Kate.

 

"Do you think there's a chance they'll be a couple on our wedding?" Julie asked Desmond when they directed themselves to the exit door.

 

"Knowing how stubborn they can be?" Desmond shook his head. "No, not a chance."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Yet, Desmond was wrong.

 

While he, dressed up in a cream suit, and Julie, wearing a simple white dress, were exchanging their vowels, Kate and Jack just started dating. The wedding ceremony was truly beautiful, taking its place on a beach in LA. Some might think that it only reminded the couple of all the bad things that had happened on the island, but for Desmond and Julie the sand and the water splashing on the shore had a very important meaning. They'd met on the beach and made all their best memories there. They'd fallen in love there, they'd shared their deepest and darkest secrets and also their bravest dreams. It was only suiting.

 

"Do you, Desmond Hume, take Julia Stanley to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

 

"I do," was all Desmond needed and wanted to say, feeling like he was drowning in Julie's glassy eyes.

 

"Do you, Julie Stanley, take Desmond Hume to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

 

"I do."

 

"By the power invested in me by the state of California, I pronounce you husband and wife."

 

And just like that, they shared their first kiss as a husband and wife, Kate snapping a picture to preserve the moment.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Things only escalated from there. Desmond had learnt a lot from his classes and finally started the job Sun had offered. The Korean flew to America for the grand opening and then spent a weekend there, catching up with her friends. In the period of the next few months, Desmond settled himself in his office comfortably and was actually doing a great job at running the branch of Sun's company. What was more, his employees really liked him as he was a friendly boss. Julie was writing her debut novel and Desmond meticulously read everything she gave him and in exchange, he gave her an honest opinion. Mostly he liked her story and her characters and was sure that once her book was finished, her future publisher would love it, too. Jack and Kate actually got engaged and started living together and raising Aaron. Both the couples usually spent Saturdays together as they'd become very close friends. The memories of what had happened on the island still haunted them sometimes at nights, more often they haunted Desmond, but as long as they all had each other to talk to, they seemed to be managing just fine.

 

Yet, they didn't know that dark clouds were once again gathering on the horizon. It started with Kate keeping secrets from Jack. Secrets which involved Saywer, the man who always seemed to cause Jack to feel insecure when it came to the brunette. Jack himself wasn't in his best state of mind as he'd started overusing drugs. At first, no one had truly noticed any difference and then it was just too late. Still, Julie and Desmond hadn't known that Jack and Kate split up and one night Julie gave Desmond the final chapter of her book. Once he got to the very end of it, he read: Do you think we should start a family? He then raised his eyes from the copy and looked at her in awe.

 

"Are you sure?" he finally managed to say. "Are you sure you're ready for this? I would never push you to do it. You know that, right?"

 

"I know and that is why I'm sure," she told him when cupping his face. "I love you, Desmond Hume, and I want to have a baby with you. I'm still scared and I'm pretty sure that at some point I'll start freaking out and it'll be your job to calm me down, but I'm in."

 

Desmond smiled to her with affection, touched by what he just heard. "I love you so much, honey," he said. "Of course I will help you. I will be there every step of the way and I will support you in every decision. We'll do it your way. I don't care if you want to give birth naturally or choose to have a c section. Anything to make you feel comfortable and safe."

 

"Hey, don't get yourself carried away! I'm not pregnant yet!"

 

"Then we better start working on that." He smiled to her and she kissed him with all her might.

 

"Wait, wait…" She then pulled away. "You do realize that we're still protected, right? We can't get pregnant just because we made the decision. I need to go see my doctor and get this IUD out of me."

 

"So?" he asked when kissing her neck and then sucking on her pulse. "We can practice anyway."

 

"Not so fast buddy!" She playfully swatted his hand when he tried to slid it under her skirt. "First, tell me what you thought of my book!" she demanded.

 

"I loved it."

 

"I want an honest answer," she emphasized, not really buying it as she knew Desmond wanted to have sex. She wanted it, too. Very much. But she needed to hear his honest opinion first.

 

"I really loved it," he then said when raising his head and looking her in the eye. "I mean it."

 

"All right. Then I guess we can have s… oh, yeah…"


	12. Chapter 12

Desmond didn't know what happened. He got up and went to work this morning, kissing Julie goodbye on his way. Julie who was beaming with happiness. Julie who had recently admitted that she wanted a child, after all, and what was more, she wanted a child with him. He couldn't be happier. Of course, he still had nightmares from time to time, but no one's life was perfect and he was content and happy with what he did have. He wasn't greedy, he wouldn't ask for more. This morning Julie sent him off to work with a happy smile on her face and then started doing some research about all the methods of childbirth. And then Desmond came home from work and saw her in a completely different state. For a brief moment, he started wondering if she wasn't pregnant already, then he would have the perfect explanation to why she was crying.

 

"Julie?" he asked when closing the front door behind him and getting to her immediately as she was sitting on the couch in their living room. "Julie, what's wrong? What happened?" For a moment there, he started panicking. Did she have some bad news she needed to relay to him? Maybe they couldn't have children. Maybe she couldn't. Or maybe the publishing house she'd sent her book to, rejected her? "Julie, honey, tell me what's wrong," Desmond pleaded when she didn't say anything. He then put his arms around her and she sobbed quietly with her face pressed against his chest.

 

"It's… It's Jack," she finally said when pulling away and wiping tears from her face. "And Kate, in fact," she added before Desmond reached some terrible conclusions like Jack possibly being dead. "And… Locke," Julie finally added. That did it for Desmond. He just sat there, trying to understand what she was telling him.

 

"Locke?" he frowned. "But we left him behind…"

 

"The moment you left for work, Kate called to tell me that she and Jack wouldn't be coming over this Saturday," Julie started explaining and Desmond just listened patiently. "They broke up, Des," she finally confessed. "And that's now even the worst part. Jack… Jack started using."

 

"You mean he's a drug addict?" Desmond made sure, having trouble picturing Jack and drugs together.

 

"Kate said he had a problem with pills and recently…" Julie's voice broke as she tried to say it. "Jack claims that we should've never left the island," she finally got it out.

 

Desmond's expression changed. He was no longer worried about Jack, he didn't even feel sorry for the man. "How dare he say things like that?" he just asked Julie.

 

"It's been bad for quite some time now," Julie explained. "The last two weeks Jack and Kate cancelled on us, saying they were sick, but the truth is… Jack's been doing pretty bad. Kate mentioned that he kept flying, boarding planes, hoping that one of them would actually crash."

 

Desmond's fists clenched and he did his best to control himself. He usually wasn't a violent man, but the island, when not counting Julie, had been a living nightmare for him for almost four years and once he heard Jack was so desperate to go back there, so desperate that he'd actually destroyed the relationship he'd been building so far with Kate, that he'd actually left her and Aaron… It struck a chord with Desmond. Shephard had everything a man could dream of and he couldn't even appreciate it.

 

"The situation only got worse when Locke came back," Julie finally said and Desmond looked at her in shock.

 

"Did you just…?" he started.

 

"Yes, he is back. Only he. He actually visited me today," she confessed.

 

"Why didn't you call me? I would've come home! I would've been here for you!" Desmond raised his voice.

 

"Actually, I was glad you weren't here," Julie admitted. "What he said… Desmond, you wouldn't want to hear him say it. I'm glad I spared you."

 

"Well, then tell me what happened exactly," he pleaded, knowing that his wife wasn't the one he should be angry with.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_Few hours ago_

 

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over, Kate?" Julie asked her friend on the phone. "I can get there in ten minutes."

 

"No, I really need to be alone right now. But thanks anyway. If I need you, I'll call you, I promise. Just be careful, ok? Locke is out there, trying to convince us to go back."

 

"He won't succeed," Julie assured Kate with determination in her voice. "No one with common sense would ever come back."

 

"Well, then maybe he'll be lucky to convince Hugo," Kate sighed and in that moment there was a knock at Julie's door.

 

"Something tells me he's already here. Locke, I mean," Julie notified Kate. "I've got to go. I don't want him to come back once Desmond's home."

 

"Sure. Can you handle him?"

 

"Of course, I can. Bye."

 

Julie knew what was coming, yet she couldn't help being surprised when she actually opened the door to reveal John Locke standing there.

 

"Julie, how nice to see you again," he said in his usual polite tone. "May I come in?"

 

She just nodded, too stunned when actually seeing him and then she made a step aside, so he could come in.

 

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked. "How did you even get out?"

 

"I found a way. Ben managed to move the island, so I used the same passage to leave," Locked informed.

 

"Why didn't you take the rest with you?" Julie followed with another question and then realized that she wasn't being polite when not offering him a seat, so she gestured towards the couch in the living room. "You want something to drink?"

 

"No, thanks, I'm fine," Locke answered and took the offered seat. "The truth is, Julie…"

 

"Save it," she cut in immediately. "Kate just called and she told me everything. She told me how you're visiting everyone who got out and how you're asking them to come back to the island with you. Well, I'll save you the trouble of asking and I'll just say no."

 

"They need our help," Locke was still persistent. "Ever since you left, ever since Ben moved the island…" He just shook his head. "They don't have much time, Julie. The island is unstable and they will eventually die if you all don't come back."

 

"Can you even hear yourself?" Julie asked. "You come here and sell me this crap and you expect that I'll just come back with you?! No, no way! I will not! Forget it! Ever since my trip to Sydney, I'd been through hell and when I finally got out of that freaking island, I found peace. I am happy here, John. In fact, Desmond and I got married and we want to start a family. This is not the time to try to convince us to go back."

 

"I'm happy for you, I really am," John said. "But what about those who stayed behind? What about Claire, Julie? Are you really going to start a family while you took her son away from her?"

 

"How dare you?!" Julie raised her voice. "You have no right to talk to me this way! I tried to save Aaron and even though I didn't manage to get Claire out, I'm happy that her son is safe! He wouldn't be on the island!"

 

"At least he would've been with his mother!" Locke lost his patience. "And where is he now?! Being raised by an ex convict?!"

 

"You can leave now," Julie said, her voice hardening. "And never go back."

 

"You may want me gone, but I'm telling you, you will eventually come back. You all will," Locke seemed very sure of his words and then he just stood up, directing himself towards the door.

 

"Have you seen her?" Julie suddenly asked when he was about to leave.

 

"Who?" he wanted to know when turning to her one last time.

 

"Claire."

 

"No, I haven't, but that doesn't change the fact that she needs you, Julie. They all need us." After having said that, he finally left.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_Now_

 

"That bastard!" Desmond cursed.

 

"If you ever decide to come back," Julie suddenly said, "I won't survive that, Des. I can't lose you. I won't." She met her husband's eyes and he saw fear in hers.

 

"Why would I ever do that?" he just asked when shaking his head.

 

"For Claire," Julie said. "You were there when Charlie died. Maybe you think you owe it to him to come back for her, to make sure she and Aaron are both safe here. But I can't let you do this, Desmond. I'm sorry. I know how terrible it sounds. I know that it makes me an egoist, but I don't care anymore."

 

"Julie," Desmond said her name softly and then cupped her face, looking her deeply in the eye. "I will never go back there. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, you might be pregnant right now and I would never leave you like this. Besides, we all know what happens to women who give birth on the island. Maybe Claire survived, but the others did something to help her."

 

"You didn't hear him, Des," Julie just said when looking down. "You didn't hear Locke. He was so sure we would all come back. His faith actually scared me."

 

"That was just his tactic. No one is stupid enough to fall for it, so he keeps intimidating us all. Don't worry, there is not a force on this Earth that would ever make us go back."

 

"Are you sure?" Julie just asked.

 

"Absolutely." He kissed her then and once breaking the kiss, he pulled her into a hug. "Everything will be all right. We still have our free will and we will not go back. I promise."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In the end, they didn't say yes to Locke, but then they heard the terrible news. Locke apparently committed suicide in desperation. Desmond assured Julie that the old man did it to maybe guilt them into going back, but they wouldn't let him manipulate them like that and she agreed. What was most important to her at the moment, besides her husband and her book which was finally accepted by one of the publishers, was Jack's mental health. Julie decided to meet with him, to try to help him, but she just couldn't. It pained her to see him in such a terrible state. His eyes were bloodshot, probably from the abuse of drugs and the constant redeye flights he was taking to all different countries all over the world. He'd grown a beard and actually reminded Julie of a lunatic now and not the sane and confident doctor she'd used to know. Maybe his inability to let go finally caught up with him. Maybe guilt of leaving the rest behind was eating away at him. Or maybe Desmond was right when telling Julie that Jack couldn't function properly without having something to fix. Right now, it was bringing back those who'd been left behind on the island.

 

"Jack, you can't save everyone and quite frankly, now the person who needs saving the most is you," Julie tried talking some sense into him one more time.

 

"I don't expect you to come back, Julie," he said, "I understand why you refuse to, but don't you tell me what I should be doing. I need to come back. I have to! It's the right thing to do!"

 

"Is it?" Julie then asked. "Or maybe it's about saving that one person? Jack, I'm sorry that you found out that Claire was your sister when you couldn't help her anymore, but trying to get back to the island won't change that fact."

 

"I know what I have to do and if you're not onboard with this, then don't stand in my way!" Jack raised his voice and actually left the café they were sitting in.

 

Julie was close to crying. It pained her to see Jack like this. It hurt her not to be able to help him. He was one of her best friends, if not the best. As she thought of it, he might be number three on her list of all the people she cared about the most as he was there right behind Desmond and Aaron.

 

"I'm sorry you couldn't help him," Desmond told her once she came back home. He gathered all he needed to know from his wife's expression. Then Julie spotted Kate sitting in their living room.

 

"Kate, how are you? What are you doing here?" She was glad to see the woman, but then again, Kate had refused to come for weeks now, claiming to be busy with other things, so there had to be a valid reason for her to be there.

 

"Julie, I'm coming back to the island," Kate just informed, rendering Julie speechless. She looked at Desmond with a silent question and he just said, "I tried," when spreading his arms. Julie understood then that the fight was over. She would not convince Kate to stay.

 

"Kate, don't," she said harshly when she saw her friend opening her mouth. "Don't you dare try to convince us to go with you! I thought you'd be on our side! Do you have any idea what the memory of the island still does to us?" Julie followed, getting more and more angry with every second. "Desmond still wakes up at nights, wanting to push the damned button! There's nothing you can say that will convince us! Nothing. Not even Claire."

 

"Julie, I…" Kate tried again, but Julie kept on interrupting.

 

"No! Do you even realize that we've decided to try for a baby?!" she then asked when shifting her eyes to her husband. "We wanted to tell you once you and Jack would come see us, but… well, there never was a chance, was there? I might be pregnant right now and you can't ask us to go back! Not even for Claire!"

 

"Julie, honey," this time it was Desmond who cut in and she let him, breathing heavily. He stood behind her when placing his hands on her shoulders. "Kate didn't ask me to go back," he explained.

 

"What?" Now Julie was surprised as she looked back at the brunette. "Then what is it that you want?"

 

"I just came here to tell you that I'm going and that I gave Aaron to Claire's mother," Kate finally explained.

 

"Oh," escaped Julie's mouth and she felt like an idiot.

 

"As much as I disagree with all that Locke said," Kate started again, "I think it's actually the right thing to do to try get Claire back and reunite her with her son. I'm not Aaron's biological mother and he needs her. There is a way back to the island and I'm going to take it just because I owe it to Claire. Julie, I understand why you don't want to go back. You have too much to lose, especially when you want a baby yourself. But I don't. I've already lost everything."

 

"Jack will come around," Julie said, trying to make Kate feel better.

 

"Really? Somehow I find it hard to believe. Besides, he's going back, too and that's another reason for me to go. I need to be there with him," Kate said and then added, "just don't tell him that."

 

"Locke said we all needed to go back. Every one of us," Julie pointed out in confusion.

 

"Locke was an old fool," Kate just said. "I will make sure to save Claire. And you have a valid reason to stay right here. There really isn't anything that you can do on the island. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."

 

"It's all right," Julie smiled to her sadly. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. What about the rest? Who wants to go back as well?" she asked out of curiosity.

 

"Well, there's Jack as I already said. He actually wishes he never got on that boat," Kate's voice grew bitter. "He said he destroyed everything, including us."

 

"Kate, he still loves you. Maybe you should give him some time. I'm sure you two can find a way back to each other," Julie tried comforting her friend.

 

"I don't know." Kate shrugged and finished her coffee, then she stood up. "For now, Claire is my only priority. Sun is going back for sure," she then added in answer to Julie's previous question.

 

"I'm not surprised," Julie admitted. "After all, her husband was left behind."

 

"I'm not sure about Hugo and Sayid, though. Did you hear that Sayid's wife died?"

 

"We did. It was just awful," Julie nodded. "We called him to pay our respect and we actually wanted to go to the funeral, but it was all the way in Iraq and I wasn't so eager to fly."

 

"Yeah," Desmond agreed with his wife when stroking her shoulders with his fingers.

 

"All right, then. I need to go now. I'll back as soon as I can. I hope we'll find a way out of the island again."

 

"See you in another life, sista," Desmond said his goodbye and gave Kate a hug. Then Kate hugged Julie and finally left.

 

"God, I hope they'll get there and back all right," Julie said with a heavy sigh. It was so hard for her to let go of her friends. It was hard to be the one staying behind, but it wasn't as though she had a choice. She couldn't go back. She didn't know if her sanity would survive that.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The long day, yet, wasn't over as it was close to midnight when somebody started pounding on Julie and Desmond's front door.

 

"Jesus, who is it?" Julie asked when getting out of bed and putting her robe on.

 

"Stay here. I'm going to check it out," Desmond offered when getting out of bed as well and dressing up quickly before making a dash to the hall.

 

Julie couldn't listen to him, though. She was worried, so she just followed her husband.

 

She stilled when she spotted Jack standing in their front door, murmuring something to Desmond frantically.

 

"Jack?" she asked when squinting her eyes and finally coming closer until she stood right next to her husband.

 

"Julie! Julie, we all need to go back!" Jack said urgently when suddenly jumping to her and grabbing her arms. "We need to do it together!" he insisted, actually scaring her.

 

"Take your hands off of her!" Desmond raised his voice and dragged Jack away from Julie. "How dare you come here stoned? What happened to you, Jack? You need help!" he hissed.

 

"But we need to go back! We shouldn't have left them there!" Jack continued.

 

"I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't want to see you like this ever again!" Desmond pushed Jack, so he would leave.

 

"You're a coward, Desmond! You've always been one! You're just afraid to go back!" Jack made the terrible mistake of saying that and Julie actually covered her mouth with her hands, knowing how much those words must've hurt Desmond.

 

"Get out," Desmond just said in a harsh voice and closed the door behind Jack.

 

"Honey, I'm so sorry," Julie said when getting to him and wrapping her arms around him. "I'm so sorry. You know he didn't mean that. This wasn't the Jack we all know."

 

"I know," Desmond admitted when hugging his wife tightly. "I know," he repeated when running his hand through her hair and enjoying holding her so close to his body.

 

Soon enough, Julie started crying and it pained Desmond to see her like that. He hated Jack in that moment. He hated the man for causing his wife this distress. He knew she always had a soft spot for the doctor and that they'd gotten very close on the island. Desmond also knew that there never was, nor could ever be anything romantic between Julie and Jack, so he didn't feel threatened as she cried for the doctor. He only felt sorry that she got hurt.

 

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The next day was hard on the Humes as well, but they forced themselves to get up and get through it like nothing happened. They couldn't just sit around and worry about his friends since this would only cause them the additional stress and would eventually destroy them emotionally. The trick was to keep themselves busy so they wouldn't have to think too much. That was why Julie told Desmond it was ok to go to work. He was needed there anyway, especially with Sun leaving for the island. And then Julie decided to get some shopping done and maybe cook something both she and Desmond liked for dinner. She needed to keep herself busy, she repeated in her mind. Her book was ready and waiting for its publication, so there was no work to be done. Technically, she could start writing a new one, but she just wasn't in the mood. Manual work seemed like a better option than mental at the moment.

 

Only once Julie opened the front door to get out of the house, she came to a sudden stop, looking at the man standing there with horrification in her eyes.

 

"Hello, Julie," said Benjamin Linus when idly holding a gun in his hand. A gun pointed at her. At the sight of it, she felt cold dread all over and she just couldn't move. Was he there to kill her?

 

"What do you want from me?" she asked in a shaky voice. Suddenly, she wished she'd told Desmond to stay with her today, but then again, would Ben kill him as well? Wouldn't it be better only for Julie to die?

 

"Oh, I think you already know what I want," Ben just said. "Relax, I'm not going to shoot you."

 

"What do you want?!" she repeated, raising her voice.

 

"I just want to go back to the island," Ben informed. "Isn't it obvious? You see, the more things are similar to the first time around, the more likely I am to succeed. I need you on that plane, Julie."

 

She nearly laughed straight into his face, feeling the adrenaline pumping in her veins, giving her the necessary courage to say what she needed to. "Then you'll have to drag my dead body there because I'm not going anywhere with you. I'd rather you shoot me."

 

"That won't be necessary," Ben just said with the same never fading smile. Julie was actually scared of what he had in mind. If he was that confident, it meant that he had an ace in the hole. "You see, I said things need to be as much similar to the first time around as possible, so this means I need you brokenhearted."

 

"Don't you dare hurt Desmond!" Julie found herself yelling, rage swelling up inside her. "Don't you dare!"

 

"Oh, I won't hurt him as long as you'll do exactly what I ask," Ben informed her proudly and then she saw that his plan was truly spotless. "See this?" He raised his smartphone high enough for her to see the screen clearly. "I have people watching your husband. He's arriving at his workplace right now. If you don't do what I say, he dies."

 

Julie sucked in a breath when it all dawned on her. She truly had no choice in the matter. She could say yes and come back to the island, making sure Desmond was safe and she could say no and sentence him to death. In both case scenarios she would lose him. Only in one he would stay alive. The choice was obvious no matter how much it actually hurt. She had to go back.

 

"I believe you'll need your passport. I wouldn't bother with packing a big bag since you might not even find it on the island," Ben said when lowering his gun. "Do we have an agreement?"

 

Julie clenched her teeth to stop the tears from flowing.

 

"And don't you dare leaving a note," Ben just informed her when walking into the house after her.

 

It was truly the end of her happy life with Desmond, she realized as she went to their bedroom to grab her passport, Ben following her every step.

 

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The moment Julie stepped into the plane, she was met with shocked glances. Ben had chosen the very last moment to board and once they got inside, the door was sealed and they were ready to take off.

 

Julie was actually surprised with the results Ben had managed to reach. She spotted Hurley, Sayid, Sun, Kate… Jack. She met the eyes of the latter and saw the confusion there. He was probably wondering what she was doing there and where Desmond was. Then she actually saw fear in Kate's eyes as the woman spotted that Julie had been crying. Could it be that something had happened to her husband?

 

Julie didn't have the energy to talk to them all, she just couldn't seem to speak at the moment, her throat being too constricted. Still, she didn't want to be alone in that moment either, but she'd rather be than sit with Ben. In the end, she took the free seat right next to Jack. Despite the episode which had taken place the night before, she couldn't imagine herself being in the company of anyone else. Well, being next to Desmond would be a better solution, but as much as it pained her that he would be forced to come back home and see her gone when not even knowing where she was, she preferred that outcome rather than him coming back to the island which nearly destroyed his sanity in the first place.

 

The flight attendant asked them all to buckle up their seatbelts, so they did that and then Jack finally spoke, "Julie, I…"

 

"Don't apologize," she said, her voice strained as she was still doing her best not to cry. "It's all right, Jack. I forgive you for last night."

 

"What I did was terrible and I am so sorry," he said it anyway. "I'm sorry for saying all those awful things to you and… to Desmond. Just please, tell me that is not why you're here right now."

 

"No," she said to his relief when meeting his eyes. He'd shaven, she realized, and he didn't seem to be high anymore, which was a good sign. "Ben showed up in my doorstep and threatened to kill Desmond if I didn't go back to the island," she finally explained.

 

Jack's eyes softened as he realized the pain she must've been in.

 

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I want you to know that I had nothing to do with it."

 

"I know you didn't. You might've said some pretty awful stuff under the influence, but I know you would never actually take us back to the island by force," Julie assured him.

 

The plane was finally in the air and they hit a turbulence which caused her to reach out and grab Jack's hand. "Sorry," she said when letting go of him a moment later. "I'm just so scared. This plane is going to crash and I…" She shook her head, closed her eyes and sunk into her seat. "I can't…"

 

"Hey, it's going to be all right," Jack assured her. "You're going to be all right. We won't die this time either, just trust me. We'll get back, but physically we'll be fine."

 

Julie just nodded, doing her best to calm down. Still, her nerves were on the edge and she was panicking.

 

"He didn't even let me leave a note," she finally said after some time spent in total silence. "Desmond doesn't even know… and it's all because apparently, I'm supposed to go back brokenhearted. What's that all about?" she asked Jack.

 

"We needed to reenact the previous circumstances," Jack started explaining. "For example, I no longer travel with my father's dead body, but there's still a coffin on this plane. John is inside. I saw Sayid being brought onboard in handcuffs and it's kind of like Kate the first time around."

 

"So I was completely broken then and I needed to be this time, too," Julie said. "This plan is just so fucking brilliant!" There was obvious sarcasm in her voice. "When does it end, Jack? Why can't we just have a normal life?"

 

"Our lives were never normal," he simply said. "Not after the island anyway. And leaving them all behind wasn't the right thing to do either."

 

She didn't say anything to that because she simply lacked energy. She was just so tired. She'd spent all the time since they'd come back, praying that she would always be safe among civilization, that she would never be haunted by the island again and yet, now she was being brought back to it and she was being brought back there by force. She just felt so frustrated that the choice had been made for her, so frustrated that she couldn't do anything about it. They said you always had a choice and that was true, but making that choice was either easy or hard. She would never be able to sentence Desmond to death so she could stay safe in LA. That wouldn't even be a life for her. Then again, coming back to the island meant that Desmond would be suffering and that maybe he would always be suffering because he lost her. Maybe if she was strong enough, she would let him die, so he didn't have to go through that again.

 

In the end, Julie told herself that she needed to have hope. She would believe with all her might that one day she would get back to her husband. It would be the one thing that she would always hold on to. To hope. After all, their intention was to help those who'd stayed behind, to bring back Claire and Jin. And Julie could do it. She would be strong for her husband so she could come back to him.

 

Jack turned to her again in that moment and he was just saying something, only somehow, she didn't hear a word. There was this blinding light and everything went white.

 


	13. Chapter 13

_Few years back_

 

Julie was running out of time. If it didn't work, she would simply have to stop. She'd been deliberately walking down this corridor in her university that exact day of the week and in that exact time, so she would pass her former professor on his way to his office. She'd been crashing on the guy ever since she'd seen him her first year. Physically, he was simply perfect and added to that, he was smart. What more could she possibly want? He could actually be a model, but yet, he'd chosen an academic career, which only impressed her more. Still, she knew this was starting to be ridiculous. He hadn't seemed to notice her the way she wanted him to and she needed to stop before she would make a fool out of herself. Yet, she just couldn't imagine letting go and never seeing him again. Now, with only days separating her from graduation, she didn't seem to have any other choice.

 

She looked at her watch and then walked down the corridor. She already spotted him approaching her from the opposite side. Now or never, she figured. Here goes nothing.

 

And then, there was a man behind Roys, a man fastening up until he walked past him and… his arm barreled straight into Julie, causing her to stumble and lose her balance.

 

Suddenly, a pair of hands held her up, making sure she wouldn't fall to the ground.

 

"Hey! Watch your steps!" Alexander Roys called after the man who'd almost knocked Julie down. "Are you all right?" he then asked her when meeting her eyes, his hands still placed on her shoulders.

 

It took her a moment before she finally nodded and said, "Yeah, thank you," in a strained voice. She didn't expect this to happen, yet she couldn't be happier. She could as well run after the other man and thank him.

 

"Are you sure?" Roys asked again when finally letting go of her.

 

"Yes."

 

"Wait, I know you. You took one of my classes, didn't you?" he suddenly asked and she groaned internally. So he hadn't even noticed her before? There went her hard work of trying to get his attention.

 

"Well, yes," she admitted, wishing she'd developed a broader dictionary in his presence by now. "I enjoyed it very much," she added quickly.

 

"I hope you're not saying that just to make me feel better," he joked and actually smiled to her, causing her to feel all giddy.

 

"Oh, no, it was very interesting," she assured him when reciprocating the smile and nearly losing herself in his blue eyes.

 

"Listen, would you like to get some coffee? What are you doing right now?" he then asked the one question she'd been dying to hear and therefore, made her the happiest girl alive.

 

"I would love to. I have nothing to do right now anyway. I'm graduating, after all."

 

When Julie and Alex made their way to the cafeteria, Jacob peaked from a corner. He was the one who'd deliberately bumped into Julie. His job there was done.

 

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_Now_

 

Desmond arrived at his work and prepared himself to meet with a potential client. The deal he could make would bring the company's subsidiary millions of dollars and once Sun came back from the island, if - his mind corrected immediately when getting him into more somber mood, she would be so proud of him.

 

Only once Desmond walked into the conference room, he saw a face he'd thought he would never have to see again. He froze on his way to the table, then he finally schooled himself and raised his voice immediately, "You!" He pointed a finger at the man. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

 

"It's nice to see you, too, Desmond," Charles Widmore said with a smirk on his face and then he raised from his seat, coming closer. "I believe the last time we saw each other…"

 

"…you called me a coward and a man not worthy of your daughter?" Hume finished after Widmore. "Yes, I remember that. The next thing I knew she died in a car crash. Are you still feeling guilty that the last conversation you had with her was about how unfit I was for her?" Desmond asked bitterly.

 

"Why? It was the truth," Charles just said and shrugged.

 

"Really?" Desmond didn't have the patience for that man. He didn't care about money, he never really did, so that was why he simply said, "Get out."

 

"Well, let's not be so hasty here, Desmond," Charles just told him calmly. "I have a proposition for you."

 

"I don't care. I don't care if it brings millions to this company. You need to leave and you need to do it now! I don't want to see you ever again!" Des said and directed himself back to the door.

 

"I found the island, Desmond." Charles chose the moment to inform and Desmond froze with his hand already on the doorknob.

 

"Excuse me?" He turned back to the older man, a frown marrying his face as he heard that.

 

"I did my research. You were there. You crashed on the very island I've spent most of my life searching for. Did you know that?" Widmore went on and it only brought more confusion to Desmond.

 

"What do you want from me?" Hume just asked in an exasperated voice. "I don't care about the island. I spent the worst time of my life there. And if you want information, you should know better. I will never give you anything."

 

"I don't want information, Desmond, I want you to go there with me. I need you there," Widmore said and it dumbfounded the Scotsman completely. Then he actually laughed the old man in the face.

 

"Are you out of you mind?" he finally asked when still laughing. "Nothing and no one will ever drag me back there!"

 

"Even your own wife?" Widmore hinted when Desmond turned to the door and yet again, he came to a sudden stop.

 

"What did you just say?"

 

"She's already on her way there, Desmond."

 

"You're lying."

 

"Ok, let's say I am. Go back to your house and see for yourself. She's on her way, trust me. And we both know that you won't let yet another woman you love, die."

 

In that very moment Desmond felt like his life started crumbling down around him. He knew Julie never wanted to come back to the island, he was a witness to her saying no to Jack. Why would she change her mind? Unless… Unless someone did it for her!

 

Without asking another question, Desmond grabbed his phone and called Julie. She never answered.

 

"Did you do something to her?" he finally asked Charles.

 

"No, I had absolutely nothing to do with it, but I must say that what happened is quite convenient for me since we both know that if there is something to convince you to come back to the island, this is it."

 

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The first thing Julie began being aware of was somebody's voice calling her name. It got to her like from a very large distance. It was distorted, ragged… and it was calling her by her name. She slowly realized that her head was aching, thumping violently and she winced at the pain. Then it occurred to her that the air she was breathing into her lungs felt different somehow, it was heavier, thicker than she remembered. There was also a hum coming from nearby, like water falling down and crashing into rocks. A waterfall, something told Julie and she finally managed to sharpen her senses.

 

"Julie! Julie, wake up! Open your eyes!" somebody was still calling her and she finally realized that she knew that voice well. It belonged to Jack.

 

They were on a plane… and then the light… She remembered.

 

Julie opened her eyes widely and then closed them just as fast, blinded by the light attacking her pupils and only worsening her headache. She groaned loudly and winced, deciding it would be better if her eyes just stayed closed.

 

"Julie, you need to open your eyes. I need to know that you're ok. Does anything hurt?" Jack started talking to her again and that in addition to the heaviness of the air and the sound of the waterfall nearby, finally started making sense to her. She was lying on the ground, she realized. A very hard ground and then she became aware of the soreness she felt all over her body.

 

They were back on the island, she came to a conclusion and actually raised herself to a sitting position.

 

"Easy there," Jack spoke again and she felt his hands on her arms. "Are you all right?" he made sure one more time and she finally opened her eyes and this time didn't close them. She looked straight into Jack's worried face.

 

"I-I'm fine," she finally managed to say and then she slowly looked around. She was right. There were in the part of the island with the waterfall. She spotted the worried faces of Kate and Hugo, but besides them and Jack, there was no one else around. "We're back," Julie stated the obvious.

 

"Yes, we are," Jack confirmed. "And I can't even explain how we found ourselves here. One minute we were just sitting on the plane and then…"

 

"The light," Julie cut in. "Yes, that was weird. I guess we should be happy that we're still alive."

 

"We wouldn't die," Hurley assured her. "The island is not done with us yet."

 

"Well, I wonder what happens once it is done with us," Julie said sarcastically. It was really hard on her to just come back to the one place she'd wished she'd never have to see again. The only good memories she had from her first time around were connected to meeting Desmond and falling in love with him, but he wasn't here now. He was back home, probably worried sick about her. And it made her feel so sorry for him. Her heart was actually breaking. Ben had done a great job, after all, when predicting that she would feel like this.

 

"Where's the rest?" Julie asked when getting to her feet with the help of Jack who held his hand out to her for purchase.

 

"I wish I knew," he said. "I think we need to keep moving. We need to find them."

 

They all nodded in agreement and set off in the direction of their old camp, the path bringing up so many memories to the surface. Only they didn't even manage to walk far. Suddenly, there was a car pulling by. A car with the Dharma logo on the side and all four of the survivors came to a stop, looking at the vehicle in total and utter confusion. There had been a car the first time around on the island, too, Julie remembered as Hurley had actually found it and fixed. But then it'd broken again when they'd used it to come back to the beach to fight the others. And that car had been rusty and old whereas this one looked brand new.

 

And then Jin, Sun's husband, stepped out of the vehicle and pointed a gun at them. Once realizing who they were, he lowered it and… spoke in perfect English.

 

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The fact that they were back on the island apparently wasn't enough. Somehow, they were back in the seventies. They were actually in the past.

 

Once they talked with Jin, he called for Sawyer who came to meet them immediately, stunned to see them all there. In the end, there was really no other choice for him but to enroll them all into the Initiative. Now Julie was wearing a lei around her neck when sitting in one of Dharma's houses. There were too many of new recruits and all Sawyer could do was to make it look like an unfortunate mistake. Initially, there was a house appointed per family or per a member, but in this case, Julie needed to share hers with Kate and Jack with Hurley. Sawyer apparently lived with Juliet and more than that, they were actually a couple. All in all, the day was very busy and very surreal for Julie and once it finally came to an end, she felt dazed by everything. Dazed and more lonely than ever before. She just wanted to come back home to Desmond, yet there was thousands of miles separating them, not to mention the years, and it was so hard for her to take in. It was so hard to think that she might actually never see him again. Getting out of the island in the first place was hard, not to mention trying to get to their actual timeline first, then finding Claire and then finding a way out. They didn't even know where their plane landed and if it even happened. It might've as well crashed. Or disappeared into the thin air, Julie thought as she remembered as Sawyer checked the radars and then told them that there had been no plane flying over the island or even close to it recently. It was all very confusing.

 

When she found herself locked in her room, she was exhausted but she still wasn't sure that she would even be able to fall asleep. It didn't matter that she had a bed this time around and a roof over her head, she was still back on the island and the knowledge of that seemed unbearable to her. How was she supposed to do this again? How was she supposed to just get out there, into the Dharma village the next day and pretend to actually be happy to be there? To be happy to be working there? She never wanted to come here. She was forced to and she hated that. She was sick of everything always coming down to the island. Couldn't she just be freaking free of it already? The fact that she was alone in there only made everything worse. She wouldn't want Desmond to have to come back as he'd spent so much more time trapped there completely alone, locked in the hatch, forced to push a damned button every 108 minutes. Still, it didn't mean that she didn't miss him. She wasn't sure how she would fall asleep without him by her side, without his warm arms holding her or just without his presence on the other side of the bed. Once she actually got under the covers, she couldn't stand the defeating silence. It only proved to her that she wasn't living in the city, not even on the suburbs, she was on an island and if Desmond was still out there somewhere, at the moment he was barely a newborn somewhere in Scotland. There was truly nothing left for Julie to do but to cry herself to sleep.

 

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The moment Julie started to wake up in the morning, she felt content and rested. She didn't even remember waking up during the night, which could only mean that she'd been so tired that she'd succumbed to deep sleep. She stretched herself lazily and that was the moment she realized something was off. The bed didn't feel like the one she usually slept in, the one she'd shared with Desmond for so long now. And where was Desmond anyway? She wondered when her hand met noting but the sheets on her left side. And then it hit her even stronger than the day before - there simply was no Desmond. He wasn't there as she was back on the island. Added to that, she was in the seventies in the Dharma Initiative village. She had been forced to come back by Ben and she'd never felt more powerless in her life. She hadn't felt that way even when she'd left that hotel apartment in Australia when going to catch the plane. She hadn't even felt that way once the plane had crashed and she'd found herself stranded on the exact same island she was on right now. Back then it hadn't been anyone's deliberate doing, but this time it was. This was her being blackmailed by a grand manipulator and liar, Benjamin Linus, and forcefully brought back. To do what? She wondered. She didn't know the answer and it was killing her. She hated when someone else made decisions for her, when someone else forced her to do something she didn't want to do. At first, she was just angry, so furious that if Linus suddenly walked into her bedroom, she would throw something at him or maybe even jump to him to strangle him with her bare hands. Then she was just hurt. She missed her husband and she truly didn't know how she would get through this again.

 

Only she had to. She simply had to get through this. There was no alternative. She would never lose her hope, she decided right then and there. She would live for hope and for the day she would be able to leave. She just couldn't admit defeat. She couldn't believe that once they'd traveled back in time, they wouldn't be able to do that again. With that, Julie forced herself to finally get up and stop moping. She could only act from now on. She was sure that Jack and the rest also didn't want to stay here.

 

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It'd been almost three weeks. Three weeks trapped in the seventies. Three weeks of working for the Dharma Initiative. Faraday had come back to the island and yet, he didn't have a clue of how to get them back to their timeline. He was still working on it, but so far Julie hadn't heard anything optimistic. And then there was the other problem she had, a problem which was nagging at her hard and she wasn't really sure that she wanted to even to talk about it with anyone. She knew the best choice for this kind of a talk would be Juliet. She didn't know the woman well, but she was the only one Julie could trust right now to go to for an advice as it was her field of expertise. Still, Julie was just scared. She didn't want to know. She'd rather live in a blissful ignorance. Only when she'd thrown up the third morning in a row, Kate really started worrying about her. Julie told her it was nothing, that she was just having indigestion and after having washed her teeth, she went out to get something and once she came back home, she locked herself up in the bathroom.

 

"Julie!" Kate knocked on the door. "Julie, are you sure you're all right?" she asked. "I'm really worrying about you here."

 

"Yes! I'm fine!" Julie shouted back quickly when sitting on the edge of the bathtub and looking dazedly at the stick she held in her hand.

 

And then, a few minutes later or maybe more, Julie couldn't really tell as her whole attention was focused on the one issue at hand, there was another knock on the door. She ignored it, trying to just breath evenly, in and out, trying to just focus on her breathing so she wouldn't start panicking. So she wouldn't start counting the days she had left…

 

"Julie? Kate got me. She said you've been sick lately. Is everything all right? May I come in?" Jack asked from the other side of the door.

 

At first she didn't answer and he called out to her again, this time his voice sounded scared and she finally yielded. "Come in," she said with a resigning sigh. She needed to talk to a doctor, after all, and Jack was both a doctor and her friend.

 

The door opened and he walked inside, closing it immediately after. He spotted her just sitting on the edge of the bathtub and he walked over to her, taking a seat right next to her.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked.

 

"Do you think we'll stay here forever?" Julie just asked him when meeting his eyes, but then his sight shifted to what she was still holding in her hand.

 

His mouth parted for a moment, an ambiguous look appeared on his face and she wasn't sure whether it was a happy or troubled one.

 

"Are you pregnant?" he finally asked and she threw the stick into the trash without answering him. "Julie, I honestly do not know if we'll ever come back," he then answered her previous question. " But we need to have hope. There has to be a way to bring us all back to our timeline. We got here somehow, didn't we? So we need to get out."

 

"We were trying to get pregnant," Julie suddenly confessed when looking down at her hands. "Me and Desmond. We were ready to finally start a family and then…" she stopped, taking a deep and shaky breath. "It worked. I am pregnant now, Jack," she confessed when meeting his eyes from aside. "I'm pregnant and I'm so, so scared. What if… What if I never get to see him again? What if I have to give birth to this baby here? Am I supposed to wait another twenty years and then go to Scotland to see a younger version of Desmond? And then what? I won't stand him making a life for himself without me in it."

 

"Hey, hey, this won't happen," Jack told her when grasping her hand to give her some comfort. "It just won't, ok? I promise."

 

"You don't know that and you can't possibly promise that. Even if we come back…" Julie started again, finally facing what she'd been so afraid of a moment earlier. "If we come back to our timeline and I don't get out of the island on time… I'll die, Jack. I will die and the baby will die, too."

 

Jack frowned as though he tried to remember something and then he finally did. Pregnant women died on the island.

 

"But this baby wasn't conceived here," he pointed out. "There should be no danger then, should there?"

 

"Even if, there's still a chance something can go wrong. I know that Claire had Aaron on the island, but she was taken by the others first, remember? They did something to her to make sure she and the baby were healthy. And even if, she was so close to giving birth. She was way past the week in which the women on the island usually died. I'm not. I just found out!" Julie raised her voice, actually wheezing by now, so scared she was getting. Leaving Desmond back in LA was bad, but it was to save his life. And now not only she might not come back to him, but one day he might actually find out that he lost both her and their unborn baby. This would truly destroy him, she knew that much.

 

"Ok," Jack just said when thinking hard over the issue. "Ok, then we simply stay here until you have that baby."

 

"I can't, Jack. I just… can't. I won't do this without Desmond. I am aware that otherwise my life might be threatened, but I need to believe that I'll get home in time. I just can't do this alone." She kept shaking her head.

 

"But you won't be alone," he assured her and put his arm around her, pulling her closer to his body and giving her the much needed support. Julie gave in to his embrace, tired of holding on, tired of doing everything by herself. She might seem strong, but on the inside she was a one big mess. She was terrified of the upcoming future. The decision to get pregnant hadn't been easy for her in the first place as she'd had to get over so many issues she'd had and now, atop of it all, she was in a mortal danger because of it. It was too much to take in for one person, especially when she was separated from her husband whom she missed like crazy.

 

And then suddenly, Jack shifted and his lips were on hers, kissing her. At first she froze, surprised by what was happening and not really understanding why. Then she finally woke up and jumped to her feet, breaking the kiss and getting away from Jack.

 

"What are you doing?!" she asked, even more confused now than ever.

 

"I-I don't know," Jack admitted, seeming slightly dazed. "I'm sorry, Julie. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't plan on it, I swear."

 

"Jack, I'm happily married," she told him, still being confused. "Why would you do something like this?"

 

"I-I don't know," he said again and hid his face in his hands when sighing deeply. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Maybe it's just that I always feel the need to fix everything. You were hurting and I… I just wanted… I don't know what I was thinking. I know I could never replace Desmond."

 

"Well, here's some news for you!" Julie told him, actually getting angry with him. "You can't fix everything, Jack! Some things are just beyond your control! You had a life! You actually had a perfect life when we left the island in the first place! You had Kate and Aaron and you were still practicing medicine and then… then you had that stupid idea planted in your head that you needed to come back to the island to help the rest! You keep finding new things you think you need to fix! It's not healthy! And look where you are now! Now you want us to actually stay here for nine months, so I could have my baby?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Maybe she was being too hard on him, but she didn't care. He needed to hear it. He needed to change. She wouldn't stay in Dharma Initiative even a second longer than it was necessary. She wanted to go home no matter what the cost! And it was her decision. Maybe it was a stupid one, but she wouldn't stay, she needed to come back to Desmond. She needed and loved her husband more than anything in the entire universe and without each other, they would be simply left broken. Without the other person, they would've never mended each other the way they'd done.

 

"I think you should just go," Julie said after a moment of silence.

 

"I just want to help you," Jack tried one more time when finally raising up to his feet and directing himself to the door.

 

"Yeah, well, I thought I needed your help, but not like this, Jack. What I need right now is to come back to our time. If you want to help me, make that happen."

 

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Julie couldn't believe this. She just couldn't believe how someone whom she trusted so completely could just betray her like this! They'd left the Dharma Initiative when Faraday had apparently come up with an idea. It'd been still unclear to Julie back then, but the knowledge of the upcoming purge in Dharma had been enough for her not to ask any questions and just follow the rest out of the village. It was once she heard about the bomb Jack was getting and about his plan that she actually went ballistic. Faraday was dead by now and there was no one else who could figure out the time traveling, therefore theoretically they didn't have any choice but to do what Jack wanted them to. Only then Julie discovered that Jack didn't actually plan on getting them back to their original timeline, no, he actually wanted to blow up the magnet that would in the future be in the hatch along with Desmond. No magnet, no hatch = no plane crash.

 

Temporarily, Julie was too stunned to actually say or do anything. She could just sit on the ground and think hard over the issue. It seemed so incomprehensible to her that with one bomb they could actually change their whole lives and not only theirs, but also the lives of the people who'd died in the plane crash and after it. Shannon, Boone, Ana Lucia, Libby… the list was very long and all those people would get their second chance at life. Still, it slowly dawned on Julie that without the plane crash she would never meet Desmond, fall in love with him, come back with him to LA and marry him. She couldn't imagine, couldn't even comprehend her life without him now. She'd been so broken back then on the plane after everything that had happened to her in Australia. So broken and so lost. How could she ever go back to that? She didn't need another chance. She liked the one she had right now. Well, technically she and Desmond had been brutally parted, but there had to be another way to find a solution to that. There was always a way, wasn't there?

 

"Julie, are you all right?" Kate asked when approaching her.

 

"No, of course I'm not all right!" Julie raised her voice immediately and the brunette hesitated.

 

"Julie, I know this is hard…"

 

"No! You don't know anything!" Julie stood up from the ground and faced her friend. "It won't make much of a difference for you since you and Jack will be on the same fucking plane and maybe, just maybe, fate will bring you two together again! Well, guess what?! Whereas you will have your chance, I'll have none!" Julie spread her arms. "While I will land in the fucking LA airport, Desmond will probably be living in Scotland and I won't even know I should go there to try find him because I won't fucking remember him!"

 

"Julie, I'm sorry, but there really isn't any other…" Kate started again.

 

"Hey, is everything all right?" they heard a third voice. A voice that belonged to Jack, the last person Julie wanted to see at the moment.

 

"You! How could you betray me like this, Jack?!" Julie pointed her finger at him. "I trusted you!"

 

"Julie, I'm doing the very best I can," Jack slowly said, not even angry that she was yelling at him again. He was only sad and that agitated Julie even more. It would be easier if he was mad at her. "What else am I supposed to do?" he then asked when making his way to her. Kate discreetly retreated, relieved to leave this to Jack. "We can't stay here for much longer. Once we escaped the village, we've become their enemies and they will hunt us down. Our only chance at normal life is to detonate the bomb and…"

 

"Reverse everything?" Julie finished after him bitterly. "I'm pregnant, Jack! If you do this, this baby won't even exist!"

 

"You don't know that," he kept on arguing. "The truth is that none of us knows what will happen, but we need to do this. I need to do this, Julie. I am so sure about this!"

 

"It's easy to say for you. Kate will be on that plane. Desmond won't be."

 

"Julie…"

 

"No, Jack, I'm done listening to you! I don't care what happens! I don't care if you'll remember this conversation once you detonate that bomb and find yourself back on the plane! I don't care! I just want you to know that I hate you!" She had tears in her eyes as she screamed that to him. She felt like he'd betrayed her in the worst way possible. He was taking everything away from her. Her life with Desmond, her unborn child, her own emotional stability as she wasn't sure she could deal with her pain the second time around. She'd been so destroyed after Australia. She'd been destroyed because of a man who'd used her and now it was happening to her again. Jack didn't use her like Alex had done it, but he as well might've because it hurt just the same.

 

"Julie…" he said her name one last time when she actually turned her back on him and walked away. "Julie, please!"

 

"I hate you!" She only repeated, her voice breaking completely since she started crying. And Jack was near that state as well because he hated himself, too. He hated himself for hurting her like this. Yet, there was truly no other choice.

 

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She couldn't stop them in the end. She was just one small woman against Jack, Sayid, Sawyer, Juliet, Kate and Hugo. She couldn't do anything. If she tried, she would be killed on the spot and it wouldn't even be because of her friends doing her harm, no, it was because the Dharma people were guiding the well.

 

When Jack was dropping the bomb inside, his and Julie's eyes met briefly and she did everything she could to convey as much hate in her expression as possible. He needed to know how much she loathed him at the moment, he needed to remember that it was the last thing she ever said to him. Even if he wouldn't recall it later, he needed to know it now. It didn't matter how many lives they could save. It didn't matter how much pain they could spare the passengers of the flight 815. None of it mattered to Julie. Maybe she'd been right once when she'd told Desmond that she was egoistic. She was in love and she was to become a mother, or wait, correction, thanks to Jack she wouldn't. Maybe that was why she'd never really wanted any children. Maybe she just wasn't supposed to have them in the end?

 

And then the bomb was dropped and everything went to hell…


	14. Chapter 14

One Julie came to, the first thing her brain registered was screaming. Someone was screaming and there was a hint of despair in his voice. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, then rolled onto her back and groaned loudly. Where was she? When had she fallen to the ground exactly? For a moment she just lay there, confused. The last thing she remembered was the flash of light and… She sat up straight, really exasperated by waking up sore on the ground. Jack had thrown the bomb into the well, she reminded herself, and then it hadn't gone off. Instead, the magnet had started pulling everything that was metallic into the well and Juliet had been pulled into it as well when a metallic chain had wrapped itself around her.

 

And now Sawyer was screaming for his girlfriend, Julie realized and finally managed to heave herself up from the ground and stand straight. Something didn't add up though, she realized. When the bomb had gone off, it was barely morning and now it was dark. Had they travelled in time again? Why did she still remember everything? And most importantly, why wasn't she on the plane which would land in LA?

 

She stopped thinking about it for a moment as she spotted a figure lying in the grass not so far away from her.

 

"Jack!" she called his name as she ran to him, forgetting about his betrayal completely. He was her friend and even though she'd told him she hated him, they'd still been through way too much together for her to just switch from friendship to hate so fast. She was angry with him, yes, she was disappointed that he was willing to take everything she held dear away from her, but in the same time she knew there was really no other choice to be made. And then again, Jack was so sure it would work and it just didn't. If so, the explosion probably brought them back and Julie realized that once she knelt right next to Jack's immobile form. She could find Claire now and get back home, couldn't she?

 

"Jack?" she said his name again when cupping his face and wincing at the blood she spotted there. "Jack, wake up!" She checked his pulse and was relieved to find it there. It meant he was alive, but he was still unconscious.

 

And then finally, after a few frantic seconds of her calling his name and holding his face, his eyes finally fluttered open and he met her gaze, not really knowing what was happening or where he was.

 

"Jack, are you ok?" Julie made sure. "Do you know who I am?"

 

"Of course I do," he finally replied and she let go of him, sitting on the ground right next to him. It was a relief to have him back ok. "But wait… Why do I remember you? Didn't it work?!" He sat up straight, mimicking her from just a moment ago, and then he looked around. He hissed when doing that. The headache accompaning time travel was truly a bitch, Julie decided right then and there, but once making sure Jack would live, she didn't feel sorry for him at all. It was all his fault, after all.

 

"No, it didn't, thank God," she found herself saying bitterly and then nearly frowned. There was something bugging her, nagging at her brain, something she knew she should've realized by now, something she should've figured out. Her head was still pulsing with pain and she was sure that was exactly what was stopping her from reaching the right conclusion.

 

And then it came to Jack's attention that Sawyer was still screaming for Juliet, apparently trying to get to her.

 

The hatch, Julie suddenly caught that one word and stood up, looking at the crater. There was no well, there was only the hatch or rather what was left from it after the implosion Desmond had caused!

 

While Jack slowly walked towards it and met with Kate, Julie followed them, seeing Sawyer holding Juliet in his arms. She was either dead or unconscious, but judging by the look on the blonde's face it was the first option and Julie felt so sorry for the guy.

 

"It's all your fault!" Sawyer pointed his finger at Jack. "You did this to her! We were happy and you needed to plant that stupid idea in her head!"

 

"Sawyer, let's just calm…" Kate started when reaching her hands to him, but then he stopped her by screaming at her, too.

 

"I just… I don't understand…" Jack finally admitted when shaking his head. "I don't know what happened. I was so sure it would work."

 

"It did!" Julie suddenly exclaimed. With her headache gone, everything seemed clearer to her.

 

They all turned to look at her.

 

"Can't you see?" she asked them. "The Dharma Initiative video! They all talked about some incident and they never gave us any details! Guess what! We created that incident! We made it happen! It was the bomb and the magnet! Jack, you thought you would destroy the magnet and therefore the hatch would never have to be built, but in fact, you unleashed its power! I bet the hatch was built because of that! They built it, so they could contain the energy you set free with your damned bomb! And…" she came to a sudden stop while the rest of them was just looking at her, stunned as it dawned on them that she was telling the truth. "It's your fault that Desmond was trapped here for three years!" Julie directed herself to Jack, not really knowing whether she should be grateful that they were back or mad at him now for doing this to the man she loved. But then again, no, she couldn't be mad because this was exactly what she wanted. She didn't want her or Desmond's pasts to be changed. Otherwise they wouldn't have been so happy together now. Those experiences had shaped them into the people they were today. "Whatever happened, happened," she finally said in a much calmer voice. "I guess it's true that even when traveling into the past, you can't change something you've already lived through. You can't change the past even if you are in the past." When it all became clean to her, a feeling of peace and understanding washed over her. And it was amazing. She finally knew some of the answers to the questions which had been bugging her ever since the moment she'd found herself on the island in the first place. She knew now that she'd gotten another chance and she could finally go home. She'd already gone so far, she'd already conquered the worst - she came back to her timeline. Now she just needed to come back to Desmond and never ever think of the island again.

 

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The dawn was slowly coming, shedding some light on the darkness Desmond found himself in. He was losing his hope. No one would ever find him there. He would die from dehydration when thrown into this old and dry well somewhere on the island. Was this really how it would all end? He wondered. He'd spent a few weeks trying to get to the island on the submarine that belonged to Widmore and now when they were already at their destination, he'd been thrown into a pit. In the end, Widmore had just experimented on him, exposing him to so much of radiation that Desmond should've been dead by now. Yet somehow, he wasn't. He still didn't know what he was supposed to prove to the old man. He only knew that he'd seen something again, just like the first time around when he'd been in the hatch implosion. He'd seen some weird flashbacks of a life he'd never really known. Maybe it was the future, maybe it was something else. Maybe he'd been given an access to a parallel universe. He didn't care at the moment. The only thing he cared about was finding his wife. And now he would probably never do that. He'd just wanted to help her, to save her, get her out of the island and bring her home. But now he started to think that maybe he shouldn't have come here at all. Maybe he should've stayed home and just waited for her. What if she got out of the island on her own and never found out what had happened to him? That thought was unbearable to him. He would simply die and rot in this well and no one would ever find him. At first, he'd tried to make his way up to the surface, but his fingers had bled and he hadn't even managed to climb up high enough. Now he didn't even feel his hands. He was so exhausted. He was about ready to give up. He didn't even have the strength to cry. He just could sit there, propped against the well's wall and wait for death to come…

 

And that was when a shadow covered the pit and Desmond looked up, surprised to see Sayid up there. At first he nearly smiled, happy that someone found him. Happy that the Iraqi would help him. Only then he spotted the gun in the man's hand and Desmond just turned his head away, giving up. Let the death come, he thought. At least it would be better than to die from the lack of water…

 

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"Come on, we need to keep moving!" Kate rushed them as they were making their way through the jungle. "We need to reach that Temple!"

 

Julie really wanted to move faster, but she just couldn't. Now that she was pregnant, she felt tired all the time and it pretty much annoyed her. If she felt like that now, she was scared to think what would happen once her belly actually started to grow. It only worsened her mood because her condition should rush her. The clock was ticking and if she didn't make it home in time… She didn't want to think about that, too. She needed to get back to Desmond and there really was no other option. She would never leave him in the uncertainty of what had really happened to her. She just had to make it.

 

"Kate, maybe you should slow down," Jack said in a careful voice. He apparently didn't want to agitate her more, but as a doctor he noticed how exhausted Julie seemed to be.

 

"Jacob said we needed to get to the Temple now," Hurley pointed out and Julie felt bad that in her condition she was even slower than he usually was.

 

"Well, excuse me if I have trouble believing a guy only you can see, Hugo," Jack told him.

 

"He's dead!" Hugo said to his defense.

 

"My point exactly," Jack sighed and came to a stop. "Listen, guys, Julie can't exert herself like this. She'd been through way too much recently and we really need to stop so she can rest."

 

Julie's feelings for Jack were still very much conflicted, but at the moment she was grateful to him. And she couldn't say he was wrong. She was quite scared. She'd travelled in time twice when being pregnant and the stress she'd undergone back in Dharma village alone was enough for her to start worrying about her baby. She knew that women in such conditions and in such an early stage of pregnancy were losing their babies pretty often and it was the last thing she wanted. She wasn't even sure if a miscarriage wouldn't endanger her life in this place.

 

"Ok, what's up with that?" Sawyer asked in a pissed voice. "The lady's been through as much as we've all been! She can keep up!"

 

"She's pregnant," Jack finally revealed, knowing that nothing else would convince the rest to take it easy.

 

There was silence as they all looked at Julie. She hadn't exactly told them about her condition, so she understood that they were all surprised.

 

And then she joined them in that state as she suddenly heard a voice she'd thought she would never hear on the island again. A voice that belonged to a man who wasn't even supposed to be there.

 

"Pregnant?" he said from somewhere in the jungle and Julie stilled as she recognized the familiar Scottish accent.

 

It happened like in a slow motion. One moment they were all talking, nearly arguing and in the next they were all quiet. Then they all turned towards the source of the voice and Julie opened her eyes widely, feeling them tearing up immediately as she spotted Desmond. Desmond who stood just a few feet away from them, clearly coming from the opposite side of the jungle. Desmond in dirty clothes and stains of blood on his shirt. But Desmond all the same.

 

Julie covered her mouth with her hands as she took in the sight of him and then she realized that the blood had come from the scratches on his hands. Her heart ached at the pain he must've been through and even though she didn't know what exactly had happened to him, she wanted to make it stop. She just wanted to make it all stop. She wanted to just be with him and leave the island, the rest be damned.

 

Desmond was just as equally stunned as she was when he saw her, maybe even more so as he'd just heard the news. And then he seemed to be finally waking up from that state and his face suddenly brightened up in a smile. He made a step forward, looking at his wife with such love and devotion on his face and in his eyes that she felt like she would die if she didn't sink into his arms right away. So she ran. She finally felt her legs working again and they ran towards each other and he reached his arms to her and she put her own around his neck, jumping to him and then feeling him embracing her tightly.

 

And all was right in the world again. It didn't matter to them that they were on the island. It didn't matter that there was still danger out there, maybe even bigger this time around. All that mattered was that they were together, reunited, and that they would never have to let go of each other ever again.

 

"Oh, my God," Julie finally gasped into Desmond's ear, feeling his body pressed against her own, his arms still holding her, never wanting to let her go. "Oh, my God. What are you doing here? Did you come for me? How did you even know?" she kept on asking one question after the other.

 

When he finally pulled away, he did it only so he could cup her face and look her deep in the eye. "It's a long story," he admitted. "But I'm here now. And yes, I came for you. Are you all right?" he asked with tears in his eyes.

 

She just nodded, unable to say another word, feeling herself begin to cry as well. Her heart was too full at the moment and it threatened to burst in affection.

 

"You really are pregnant?" Desmond then asked and she just nodded and finally burst out crying, letting go of all the stress and anxiety she'd been feeling ever since Ben had forced her to board the plane. Desmond only groaned in response and pulled her into his arms again, holding her and soothing her, stroking her hair and telling her how much he loved her and how happy he was that they were pregnant.

 

"I love you. I love you so much," Julie sobbed when clinging to him. She thought that after everything they'd been through, she would truly never let him out of her sight ever again.

 

"Sorry to spoil the party, but we have a place to go," Sawyer spoke in a nasty voice, but this time Julie couldn't really hold it against him as she'd used to in the past. This time she got to know him better and she actually realized that he was a better man when with Juliet. And now Juliet was dead. In fact, she'd just died a couple of hours ago and then Sawyer was forced to watch the heartwarming reunion between another pair of lovers.

 

"Didn't we just say that Julie needed to rest?" Kate actually backed her friend up, still surprised by everything that had happened ever since Jack had spilled the big secret.

 

"Where were you going?" Desmond asked them when Julie finally calmed down and pulled away just a little, now snuggling up to his side.

 

"To the Temple," Hugo gave him an answer. "It's a place Jacob is sending us so we can be safe. There's a bad guy somewhere out there."

 

"I'm not following," Desmond admitted. "What happened?"

 

Once Julie heard him asking, she actually tightened her hold on him and that simple gesture was enough to rouse his suspicions. He could already feel a knot tying in his stomach. He knew he would hear things that would be hard to take.

 

"We really need to take a little break," Jack said and took his backpack off.

 

"All right, you know what?! I don't even fucking care if something eats us here!" Sawyer huffed and walked away to sit somewhere further away.

 

"I'll check up on him," Kate offered. "Nice to see you again, Desmond."

 

"You, too."

 

When Julie settled herself on the ground right next to her husband, she held his hand and nearly groaned at the peeled-off skin she found there.

 

"Des, what happened to you?" she asked.

 

"Why don't you start by telling me what made you board the plane, Julie?" he answered with a question. "I just want to understand."

 

She sighed and eventually told him about Linus blackmailing her. With her every word, Desmond's hold on her tightened and he finally told her in a strained voice how the father of his long dead girlfriend had forced him to come back as well.

 

"So you don't have any idea what that device did to you?" Jack asked, curious about Desmond's explanation of the magnet. The Scotsman only shook his head in denial. "I wish we had Faraday here with us."

 

"Who's Faraday?"

 

And here we go with the worst part of the story, Julie thought bitterly as she finally opened her mouth and relayed it all to Desmond. She did not miss a thing since she didn't think Jack deserved any leniency.

 

The doctor in question actually chickened out when she started talking. He said he was going to check on Sawyer, but Julie knew it was only an excuse. He just didn't want to see his friend's face when Julie told him about his bomb idea.

 

And Jack was right because a few minutes later Desmond came after him and he hit him so hard that the doctor collapsed to the ground, his lip bleeding.

 

It hurt Desmond just as badly as he used his injured hand to throw the punch, but he didn't regret it.

 

"Hey! Hey! Calm down, dude!" Hurley was the one to actually approach the angry Scotsman. "I know it's hard to hear what we all wanted to do with the bomb, but the important part is that we're back here and it didn't work the way we expected it to!"

 

"That's not what this is about!" Desmond screamed when approaching Jack again. "Get up!" he told him and then Sawyer had to actually hold him back.

 

"Seriously, man, calm down!"

 

"Don't tell me to calm the fuck down!" Des roared when trying to get away.

 

"Desmond, don't!" Julie ran to them in that moment. "He's not worth it."

 

"He kissed you!" Desmond finally exclaimed. "You kissed my wife! And you did it right after she told you she was pregnant with me! What on earth made you think it would be a good idea?!"

 

There was silence as everyone was processing those words. They didn't know that part.

 

"I'm sorry, I really am," Jack said when finally raising to his feet and holding a hand in front of him as though he tried to stop Desmond from charging him again. "I'm sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! You know me! I'm messy! I just wanted to fix something…"

 

"Oh, so you thought that you would stay with Julie in the Dharma fucking village and be the father to my child?!" Desmond hollered. "And then you actually came up with an idea to kill that child and make sure that I and Julie never meet?!"

 

"Ok, ok, I don't think we have time for this," Hugo cut in again. "We really need to get to the Temple before sundown."

 

"Fuck your temple!" Desmond pointed a finger at Hurley. "We're not going anywhere with you! I am done listening to anything the island tells you!" He then turned back to Julie who looked shaken. "Honey, I'm so…"

 

"Don't," Julie just said. "Don't apologize. He deserved it." She cast Jack a brief look. "But Desmond, there's one more thing you need to understand," she added.

 

"What is it?"

 

"All the pregnant women on the island die, remember?" she reminded him and if he was hurt by what she'd told him a moment ago, this only made it worse.

 

"No," he denied when shaking his head frantically. "No, you will not die, Julie, do you understand me?"

 

"I don't think it's up to you, Des."

 

"No!" he yelled when placing his hands on his head in a powerless gesture. "No, I am not losing you!"

 

"Then get me out of this island," she simply said. "This is the only way. We need to leave."

 

Desmond was thinking for a moment and then he just nodded. "Ok. Then we'll leave."

 

"How?" Jack just asked. "Maybe going to the Temple would be the best…"

 

"Just shut up, will you?" Desmond turned back to him with a warning in his eyes. "Going to the Temple doesn't bring us any closer to leaving this hellhole. Widmore has a submarine, so maybe we could use it."

 

"You can't possibly come back to this man, Des," Julie protested. "He's dangerous."

 

"Then my boat has to still be somewhere here, right? Let's find it and get the hell out."

 

"Dude, the island…" Hugo started.

 

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about the island?!" Desmond raised his voice at the big guy, too. "This place took three years out of my life and it almost caused me my own sanity! And now? Now it wants to take my family away as well, Hugo. So, no, I do not care what it wants from us. It's just a place. I choose to go home. Are you with me?" He turned to his wife and her heart melted once again. Even in such a situation, even when so angry that he might lose her once he finally found her, he still left that decision to her. And she loved him so much for it.

 

"I want to leave. Let's go," she simply said and took his hand.

 

It was actually hard for her to say goodbye to her friends once she was finally able to leave them. It was especially hard to say goodbye to Jack, she realized. Jack and Kate. She met the doctor's eyes and she saw the pain in there. For a moment she even felt sorry for him. She was so tired of her own conflicted emotions. She loved Jack as a brother, but then again, he'd hurt her so much recently and even if she could eventually believe that he hadn't had any other choice in the seventies, she still felt that newly developed hate towards him and it was killing her. Eventually, she just blinked at him, keeping her eyes closed for a little longer than usual, indicating she was saying goodbye and then she just turned around and let Desmond lead her further into the jungle and in the direction of the beach. Her heart broke once more that day and she truly lost the count of which time it was already. She needed to think of her baby and her husband, nothing else mattered to her as much in the moment. She simply needed to stay alive for Desmond and this little being growing inside of her. And she couldn't lose any of them. That was why she made the decision to leave. She'd never wanted to come back in the first place anyway. Then she thought of Claire, but decided that Kate would make sure to find the blonde. Julie had her own family to worry about now.

 

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Julie and Desmond were making their way through the jungle silently and it must've been about an hour when Julie finally decided to speak.

 

"I'm sorry," she simply said.

 

Desmond came to a stop and faced her. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong," he said softly, the anger completely evaporating from him by now. All his efforts were now focused on getting her out of the island and nothing else mattered to him.

 

"I'm sorry for letting Jack kiss me. I just didn't see it coming," she finally confessed when avoiding Desmond's brown eyes. "I told you about it just because we are always honest with each other and we don't keep secrets. I want you to know that it meant nothing and that I pulled away when it happened. I love you and all the time I'd spent in Dharma, the hope of seeing you again, of coming back to you, was the only thing that kept me going. I knew that one day I would have to come back. I just couldn't accept any other reality."

 

Desmond's expression softened even more as she spoke those words and eventually he said, "Julie, I would never think that you deliberately betrayed me. I know you love me and that you would never kiss Jack on your own. I trust you. I am angry with him, not with you. I'm just so angry that he would ever let something happen to you. I thought he was my friend and I always trusted him with you, but what he did…" Desmond just shook his head. "He violated that trust."

 

"Well, technically, it was either the bomb or the purge. One option would leave us starting over and the second would leave us dead," Julie tried to justify Jack's actions. "And maybe I'm not that mad at him for making that decision, but I am mad about the way he went about doing it. He really hurt me. In fact…" she hesitated for a moment and then looked at Desmond again. "The last think I said to him in the seventies was that I hated him and that I would never forgive him."

 

"I'm sorry you had to get through all of that. I'm sorry the island always finds a way to get to us. I really thought it was over once we got out of here the first time around."

 

"Yeah, me, too."

 

"But I promise you, I will do anything in my power to get you back home. No matter what the price," Desmond cupped her face when he said that to her. "I will not let you spend even a second longer here than it's necessary."

 

"As long as you'll come back home with me," Julie told him. "I-I'm just so scared, Des."

 

"I know. I know." He swept her into his arms again, giving her the only comfort he could at the moment through his embrace. He wished he could've given her more. He wished he'd had his own submarine nearby, but he didn't. And it was killing him. He just couldn't lose her. Not now. Not ever.

 

"And I'm afraid of this pregnancy," she confessed when pulling away from him.

 

"You don't have to be, Julie. You will not die."

 

"It's not that, Des. You know I had issues about having children and I know that I finally said yes. I really wanted this. I still do," she assured him quickly. "I'm just scared. I know this is silly considering the place we're in, but… No, that's not right. The island only makes everything worse!" Julie decided when raising her voice slightly. "I was always afraid of the changes in my body when pregnant and of giving birth and now… We're here and if we don't get out of here, if by some miracle nothing happens to me and I will deliver this baby… When I think of doing it here, when even back in America I was seriously considering a c section in fear of pain… I just can't do this. I feel this panic welling up inside me and it just swallows me whole," Julie confessed.

 

Desmond listened to her carefully, feeling even more powerless now. He would give everything just to get her home right then and there. More even, he would give everything to get her to a hospital right now to make sure that everything was all right with the baby and he couldn't. He just couldn't help her and it was killing him.

 

"Don't," she said when reading the expression on his face perfectly. "Desmond, you're already here and your presence helps me more than you can ever imagine. I never thought you'd come here for me. I thought I would have to do it all by myself. I thought I would have to come back home by myself and then there you were and I'm so happy you're here. I haven't even said thank you yet, so thank you. Thank you for saying yes to Charles Widmore. I know how hard it must've been for you."

 

"It wasn't," he admitted." I would do anything for you and you should know it by now."

 

"And I would do anything for you," she said when smiling to him. "And we've both already done it, haven't we? I came back here, so you could live and you came back here to get me."

 

Desmond smiled at her sadly and then he brought his lips to hers, kissing her with all the love he had for her.

 

Then they suddenly heard barking.

 

"Vincent, boy! What d'ya got there?" a voice followed.

 

Julie and Desmond, both stunned, pulled away from each other and faced… Bernard.


	15. Chapter 15

Coming across Bernard was a blessing since the old man led Julie and Desmond to his and Rose's camp. As it turned out, they'd been living there all this time. Rose was afraid that if she came back to America, her cancer would also return and the old couple decided to live till the end of their days on the island. In some way it was actually sweet and romantic, Julie thought when holding on to Desmond's hand. One day she wanted them to be like Bernard and Rose and she didn't even have to say it out loud, the gentle squeeze of Desmond's hand over hers and the caress of his fingers on her palm told her that he thought the same thing. The problem was that they couldn't just stay on the island. Not when they were both still young and fertile, not when they had their respective careers back in US and now when Julie was pregnant. She'd taken Aaron from the island the first time around so he could have the life he deserved. Even if her pregnancy wasn't endangered, even if she wasn't so absolutely terrified of giving birth on the island, she would still not want to live there. There were just too many bad memories associated with this place and she couldn't imagine being with Desmond but not being intimate in the same time. If she got pregnant here, she wouldn't survive for sure. What was she even thinking? She couldn't just give up, could she? They were getting the hell out of there. They would make it.

 

"Rose!" Bernard called his wife once they stepped into their small camp. "Look what I've got!"

 

"It better not be some suspicious fruit! I don't want to get food poisoning like the last…" Rose came to an abrupt stop when she emerged from the tent and spotted Julie and Desmond. "My goodness!" she called out. "What are you two even doing here?!" she asked when rushing over to them to give them a hug. "And what happened to your hands?" Nothing seemed to miss her attention. "And you, you look sick," she pointed Julie. "Come and sit. I'll bring you some water, dear."

 

In the end, Julie and Desmond didn't have much strength left and soon they were both asleep in Rose and Bernard's tent, the couple generously offering the place for them. It was only when they woke up in each other's arms the next morning, they were finally able to talk to their old friends.

 

"I thought you left," Rose said when they were all seated, having breakfast which consisted of fresh fruit and fish the woman insisted the younger couple ate since they seemed to be malnourished.

 

"Well, we were kind of forced back," Julie informed.

 

"What happened?" Bernard wanted to know the details.

 

While Julie accepted a piece of fabric and a bucket of water from Rose and started tending to Desmond's hands, he relayed the whole story.

 

"I thought those flashes of light were suspicious," Rose admitted when nodding. "Every time it happened our camp was either gone or in a different state. We were glad to finally see it ending, although we did lose a lot of things in the last one. This is just a makeshift camp before we'll manage to build more," she said when spreading her hands.

 

"Have you by any chance seen my boat anywhere?" Desmond then asked.

 

"No, I'm sorry." Bernard shook his head. "Are you in a hurry?"

 

"I can't imagine they aren't!" Rose turned to her husband. "They don't belong here, Bernard."

 

"Besides, I'm pregnant, so I kind of need to get out of here as fast as possible," Julie informed and first Rose smiled happily to her and congratulated her on hearing the news, but then she realized the implications it carried.

 

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry, but I'm sure you'll get out just in time. You haven't made it so far to just have it all taken away from you. You're really such a lovely couple!"

 

"Well, minus the age difference," Desmond pointed out and Julie wasn't sure that he meant it as a joke or not.

 

"I thought you didn't mind that," she pointed out with a frown.

 

"I don't. But ever since I started working for Sun, my business acquaintances keep congratulating me on landing such a young and beautiful woman and to be honest, it kind of makes me feel old."

 

"Eleven years is nothing," Julie argued.

 

Desmond only smiled in response. "Maybe it never seemed like much because we always seemed to get along so well, but then I realized that a lot of people think of you as my trophy wife."

 

"Well, then tell them that we got married when you didn't have a cent on you and I was technically a millionaire."

 

"Well, so that makes me… a trophy husband?" Desmond laughed at that. "Only it doesn't make any sense."

 

"Exactly, because we love each other."

 

"Julie is right. Age is just a number. Just look at me and Bernard," Rose said fondly when turning to her husband. "We met just a few years ago and we both considered ourselves old that time. Bernard here was actually still a bachelor. We found each other pretty late, but who cares? All that matters is that we did meet and that we love each other. Everything else is just background noise."

 

"Background noise," Julie repeated with a nod. "I like that."

 

She received a smile from both Rose and Bernard in return and Desmond actually put his arm around his wife, bringing her closer to his chest. They were sitting like that in a complacent silence when the Scotsman suddenly stat up straight, his eyes set on something in the distance.

 

Julie quickly followed his eyes as she noticed the significant change in him, he was all tensed up now.

 

And then she actually gulped.

 

"What a happy reunion," said John Locke when making his way towards them.

 

"John!" Rose actually seemed happy to see him and she stood up to greet him. "So you came back, too?"

 

"Rose, stay away from him!" Desmond quickly warned her as he stood up and Julie followed suit. Only then he covered her with his body.

 

"Why? What's the matter?" Rose seemed surprised when looking back at the younger couple.

 

"Because whoever this man is, he is not John Locke," Julie said in a scared voice.

 

"What do you mean?" Bernard asked when not understanding a thing.

 

"John is dead," Desmond informed. "We haven't told you that yet, but it's true."

 

"Oh, and I so enjoyed wearing this body. Can you believe that so far everyone actually believed that I raised from the dead?" the man who looked like John, asked.

 

"Well, I believe in a lot of things regarding this island, but bringing someone from the dead is not one of them. This place is too evil for that," Desmond answered him harshly.

 

"Well, you're right. And you're looking at that evil," Locke said merrily and spread his arms widely with a smile on his face. "Even without me here, Jacob would still not be able to alter life and death. No one can."

 

"What do you want?" Desmond just asked.

 

"You," the answer came and Julie stilled, fear overwhelming her again.

 

"No!" she protested when coming out from behind Desmond and facing Locke bravely. "You are not taking him!"

 

"I'm sorry, but this is not an option. You can come with if you want, though."

 

"Look, we don't want any trouble here," Bernard started, "but you can't just…"

 

"You either go with me or I kill them," Locked told Julie and Desmond and then grabbed his knife and pointed it at the older couple.

 

Julie's and Rose's eyes met and the younger woman knew that she couldn't possibly endanger them like that, not after everything they'd done for her and Desmond. Not after how warmly they'd welcomed them into their camp. Even if they tried to fight, Locke would just kill Bernard and Rose and take them anyway. Julie could feel it. She knew whatever Locke was now, he was powerful. That power emanated from him and seemed so familiar that Julie gasped at the sudden realization.

 

"So, how is it gonna be?" John just asked with the same never-fading smile on his face. "Going?"

 

"Desmond, we have to," Julie turned to her husband. "It's the only way."

 

"I'll go. You stay here," he decided.

 

"NO!" she protested immediately and grasped his hand when he tried to make his way to Locke. Desmond actually hissed when Julie squeezed the wounds underneath the cloth tied up on his fingers. "I'm sorry," she apologized, hating that she caused him pain. "But I can't let you do this alone, Des. I've lost you too many times already. This will not be one of them. Whatever happens, from now on we stick together."

 

For a while there Desmond was just looking into her eyes and he saw how serious, scared and hurt she was. That mixture of emotions stirred something inside of him and he knew that if he just left her there, he wouldn't only break her heart by doing so, he would simply destroy her. How could they be sure that they would see each other again? What if he was going to die?

 

"All right," he finally agreed in a hoarse voice and they both joined Locke.

 

"Don't hurt them!" Rose called after them and Locke turned to look at her one more time.

 

"If they do what I ask of them, no one will get hurt, I promise," John assured the woman and they set off into the jungle once again.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"What do you want from us?" Julie asked John as they'd been walking for about half an hour and he still hadn't said anything to them.

 

"I said I only wanted something from Desmond," John corrected her. "And I generously allowed you to come along."

 

"Stop playing games and just tell us," Desmond was the one to speak now.

 

"You'll know soon enough," Locke only said in response and Julie got scared again. In fact, she was more terrified with every passing moment and she knew that this time they might not come out of this alive, that this might really be the end. Her hand slid up Desmond's arms as she held on to him and he must've sensed her fear because he pulled her closer to his side, trying to give her the much needed support. Still, he didn't make her feel better. She was so scared of losing him once she'd found him again that it was driving her mad. All she could do at the moment was to just cling to him for as long as she could.

 

After another hour or so, Julie was beyond tired and this time Desmond was scared for the baby. How much did the little being have to get through until it would simply give up and die? He wondered. If there was a way he could just cut a deal with Locke and put Julie on a plane or a submarine to get her back home, he would. He knew she would forever hate him for that, but it would be for her own good. Hers and the baby's.

 

"We're here," Locke informed after a while and they walked out of the jungle into a small clearing. Julie frowned as she saw a spring which disappeared into a hole in the ground there, creating something resembling an underground lake. The fact that she'd never before in her life seen this place, nor heard about it, wasn't enough. Jack, Kate and Hugo were there as well

 

"Jack, what is going on?" Julie asked the doctor as she spotted him.

 

He seemed to actually be surprised to see her and Desmond there.

 

"Why did you bring them here?" he directed that to Locke instead of answering her.

 

"Only Desmond can get in there without being turned into a black smoke like it happened to me," John answered idly and Julie came to a sudden stop, clenching onto Desmond's arm.

 

"What?" she asked. She'd kind of already figured out that John was really the smoke monster, but now he was implying that Desmond had to go down there. What if despite what John just said, Desmond would turn into a monster, too? When the thought crossed her mind, she felt lightheaded. She really started to worry that she would simply faint. "You can't be serious!" she screamed.

 

"Now, now," Locked cooed when he turned to her. "Don't make me regret letting you come along."

 

"What is this place?" Desmond simply asked.

 

"This is the heart of the island. This is the place where magic happens," Locke informed. "I see that Jacob made you his successor." He turned to Jack. "I just have to kill you like I killed him, then."

 

"You are not going to kill anyone," Jack protested and Julie could only listen to that alternation with a frown that grew bigger and bigger on her face.

 

"Really?" Locke asked. "Amuse me, then. Why is that?"

 

"Because we want the same thing. We want this light to be extinguished," Jack pointed the light coming from the hole.

 

John was looking at him for a moment, clearly surprised by that statement, but then he just shrugged. "All right. But you need to tell me what you'll get out of this."

 

"I think that once we do that, I'll be able to kill you," Jack answered and Locke actually laughed.

 

"No one can ever kill me, Jack. This is both my gift and my curse. I am condemned to be this way for the whole eternity and once I get rid of this light, I will get to die. What more, with me the whole island will die and there will be no Jacob and his crazy plans anymore."

 

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see which one of us is right," Jack said. "It's only fair, isn't it? You die either way."

 

"If I do, it will not be by your hand," Locke assured him. "Desmond? Shall we?" He turned to the Scotsman and then pointed the hole in the ground.

 

"No! No!" Julie protested again. "You can't!" Her hold on Desmond's arm only tightened.

 

"I have to," he simply said when meeting her eyes.

 

"No, you don't!"

 

"Oh, he really does," Locke confirmed. "Otherwise I would have to kill you and your unborn child."

 

Julie shot Locke a furious look and then her eyes shifted to Jack. She was pleading him not to do it. She was begging him to find another way. Yet Jack remained unconvinced and it broke her heart all over again. She hoped that he could see in her eyes how big of a disappointment he'd turned out to be. She hoped he could see and feel her pain as he was taking everything she held dear, away from her. He'd been doing it from the moment she'd sat right next to him on the plane.

 

Then Desmond was turning to her and cupping her face. He looked her in the eye and said, "Till death, Julie. I love you, always." Next he kissed her and she felt his pain and his love for her through that kiss. She could feel his desperation, his willingness to save her and their baby. He was saying goodbye, he was telling her that he loved her and that he wished he could be there once the baby was born. He truly thought he would die. And Julie couldn't stand it. She clang to him, put her arms around him, buried her hands in his messy hair, kissed him back with all her might.

 

When the kiss was broken, she pressed her forehead against his and looked him in the eye from up close. "I love you. Come back to me," she told him.

 

And then he was approaching the hole. Then Jack was tying a rope around Desmond's waist and Locke just rolled his eyes at that.

 

"Why me?" Desmond asked one last question when he was about to go in.

 

"Because you survived the implosion of the hatch," Jack simply answered. "And you can survive this, too, brother. I know you can."

 

Julie could only watch helplessly as Hurley and Jack were lowering Desmond into the hole and then… then they just had to wait.

 

A few minutes later Julie heard Desmond screaming. He was screaming like he was in pain, like something was burning him alive and she ran towards the hole without thinking, wanting to just get to him, to help him, to get him out of there before it was too late.

 

Jack caught her just in time, holding her in the vise of his arms, pulling her away from the hole and she could only kick and push and fight, but he was too strong and he wasn't giving up. He was determined to save her and eventually her body just went slack in his arms and she started to sob. Desmond had stopped screaming by that time and she thought that she might've already lost him forever. And it was just another thing added to the whole pile for what she could never forgive Jack.

 

"I'm sorry," Jack chose the moment to whisper into her ear and she felt rage swelling inside her again. She wanted to kick him, hit him, inflict as much pain on him as she could.

 

"You're sorry?" she mocked him. "How can you say that and just stand here when the man I love is down there?!"

 

"Julie, you have to trust me on this. I am not wrong," Jack whispered again and this time in a voice much lower so Locke wouldn't hear him. It still didn't convince her. The last time he'd been so sure of something, it was the bomb. He'd thought it would would work and what happened? Something even Jack couldn't have predicted. And suddenly Julie thought that maybe it would've been better if the bomb had worked the way he'd wanted it to. At least then she wouldn't have had to face her life without Desmond. How was she supposed to go on without him? How was she supposed to raise their child without him? He was all her world, her whole life and it hurt so much that she couldn't stand it anymore.

 

In that moment the light in the hole went off and the whole island started shaking.

 

Jack suddenly let Julie go and she was so surprised that he wasn't holding her anymore that she just stood still, watching as he charged Locke and tackled him to the ground. And then Jack hit John and there was blood on the older man's lips.

 

"Looks like I was right," Jack said and keep on hitting the man, but eventually Locke escaped his grip.

 

"Hurley! Make sure you pull Desmond out!" Jack called out to Hugo and then he met Julie's eyes. "I'm sorry," he told her once again. "I really am. I hope that one day you'll find a way to forgive me, Julie. Now you have to get Desmond and you need to get to the plane! It's that way!" Jack pointed the right direction and then he just disappeared in the jungle, following Locke.

 

"Jack!" Julie called after him, having the worst of feelings about him going after John, but there was nothing she could do anymore. She turned towards Hurley who was already pulling on the line, getting Desmond back. All Julie could do in that moment was to keep praying that Desmond wasn't dead. Please, God, please, let him live. Let it all end, please. Just let us go home.

 

Eventually, Desmond's figure was brought up to the surface and Julie froze when seeing that he wasn't moving. She was still in denial as she just kept shaking her head. Desmond couldn't be dead. No, no, no. He couldn't. She would go crazy without him. She would simply go mad after everything that had happened to them on the island and losing him would just be the last straw. He had to survive this, he had to!

 

Hurley pressed his finger against Desmond's throat and then he called out to Julie, "He's breathing!"

 

"Oh, my God!" Julie sobbed when putting her hands to her mouth and then rushing to Desmond and getting to the ground by his side. "Desmond?! Desmond, can you hear me?! You have to wake up! Wake up! Open your eyes! We need to go!" She cupped his face, gently caressing it with her fingers, praying that he would finally open his eyes, so they could get out of there. "I need you! There's a plane waiting for us! We can go home!"

 

Finally, Desmond groaned and winced, slowly bringing his hand to his head.

 

"Des, wake up!" Julie begged him one more time and that did it. He opened his eyes and looked at her in awe.

 

"We've made it?" he asked, not really believing it. "Is it over?"

 

"Yes, honey! Yes, you did it! Now, please, you need to get up." She got up from the ground and helped him out, then she directed them to where Jack had told her the plane was. "Hurley?" She turned back to the big guy as he didn't seem to move.

 

"I'm sorry. I still have things to do here, Julie."

 

"But the plane…"

 

"Just go! Don't wait for me! Go! Jack would want you to!"

 

In the end, Julie had no choice but to get Desmond to the plane. This time Jack was right. Desmond hadn't been killed down there because he was somehow immune to the island's power. And Jack wanted to make it all up to Julie. He wanted her to get on that plane and to just fly off the island and never look back. And she would do just that.

 

The plane wasn't that far away or maybe it just seemed like it since Julie and Desmond started off in that direction with a newly found strength. This was the last trek they would ever have to take on the island and the possibility that the plane might take off without them only caused them to go faster. Eventually, they spotted the machine which was miraculously all right. The pilot, Frank, started waving at them the moment he noticed them and when they came close enough, he helped them onboard.

 

"Oh, thank God," Julie said when releasing a breath of relief once she and Desmond finally fell into two nearest seats. "I can't believe it," she said. "I can't… Are we really going home?" She looked at her husband from aside.

 

"Yes, Julie, we're really going home," he assured her when taking her hand into his.

 

"Are you all right?" she asked then. "Are you sure nothing happened to you?"

 

"I'm sure." He nodded.

 

Julie could finally stop worrying. At least she thought so and she leaned into her seat, just focusing on breathing and on holding Desmond's hand. Focusing on him being alive, on his also breathing presence right next to her.

 

Then a man who introduced himself as Richard, got in and the door was closed.

 

That was the moment Julie started panicking again.

 

"Wait… Wait!" she screamed to the pilot. "We can't just leave yet! There are others we need to take!"

 

"Look around, lady!" Frank just screamed back and once she looked out the window, she was terrified again. The island was literally crumbling. Everything was shaking, everything was unstable. Frank was right. It was now or never. They had to leave.

 

"Look!" Desmond suddenly pointed something in the distance and they spotted three figures running out of the jungle. Julie sucked in a breath when she recognized… Claire. Claire with tangled hair. Claire holding on to Kate's hand. Then there was Sawyer and…

 

"Wait… Where's Jack? Where's Hugo?" Julie asked when coming near the window.

 

The plane stopped just in time for those three to get in and then it started off again.

 

Julie was truly stunned when she found herself face to face with Claire. With her best friend, Claire. With the woman she'd spent so much time on the island before. With the mother of Aaron. And now Claire was here and she was looking at Julie like she wasn't sure what she should do. She seemed confused and very careful with everybody around her, but Julie didn't care. She jumped to her and embraced her, crying into her messy and tangled blonde hair.

 

"Claire… Oh, God… Claire, I missed you so much!" After a few seconds, Claire finally pulled her arms around Julie as well, hugging her tightly and she started crying, too.

 

Julie looked over the blonde's shoulder at Kate, sending her a silent question.

 

The way Kate's expression changed caused Julie to still and once she let go of Claire, she just shook her head.

 

"No, Kate, no… Tell me he isn't…"

 

Only Kate didn't tell Julie that Jack wasn't dead because he really was.

 

"NO!" Julie screamed as the plane took off and they would all fall down to the floor if Desmond, Richard and Sawyer didn't help them all to their seats.

 

When Julie found herself next to Desmond again, he put his arms around her and she clang to him, crying as it dawned on her that Jack was really gone. She might've hated him recently, but most of the time she'd loved him. She really had. And now he was just gone. He sacrificed himself, his life, so they could all go home, so the island would be safe, so Locke or whatever the black smoke was, would cease to exist. And what about Hurley? Julie thought. Recently all she could feel was pain. It'd been constant and never ceasing. First, she'd been so scared about not seeing Desmond again, so scared that she would lose him. And now… now she'd lost her friend instead. And she'd never told him that she forgave him. She didn't really remember the last time she'd said something nice to him. She felt so guilty about that at the moment.

 

"Julie, you're bleeding," she suddenly heard Kate's terrified voice.

 

"What?" Julie frowned, not even registering her friend's words as she was too focused on whom she'd lost that day.

 

"God," she then heard Desmond saying in panic as he pulled away from her to assess the situation. "Julie, you're really bleeding." It was the obvious fear in his voice that finally woke her up and she temporarily forgot about the reason to her crying. When she finally looked at Desmond's face she saw him scared like he'd never been before. He was pale as he took in what happened. And then she followed his eyes and spotted that she, indeed, was bleeding and it was coming from…

 

"No!" she started panicking immediately and she sat up straight, feeling dizzy out of the sudden. "No!" She shook her head frantically, tears shining in her eyes. "Please, tell me I didn't… Desmond, please!" she begged him, but he wasn't saying the words she wanted to hear so badly. At the very moment she realized how much she truly wanted their baby to be born. She'd never before wanted kids, but now… now she did and she couldn't lose this one. She just couldn't! "Desmond…" she said her husband's name in panic again.

 

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry," he said when meeting her eyes. She could spot fresh tears there, his face contorted in pain. And it was nearly unbearable for Julie to watch. Why those things kept on happening to them? Why couldn't they just get out of the island and be happy ? Why had they had to come back there in the first place? And now so much was gone. So much was lost. Jack… the baby…

 

"How are you feeling?" Desmond asked Julie when focusing his whole attention on her. Was he afraid that they didn't get out of the island on time? Was he afraid that she would soon die as well?

 

Julie couldn't answer him. In fact, she couldn't say a word. She was just too stunned. Everything that had happened those past twenty four hours was just too much. She needed it to stop. She needed a moment of respite. She didn't want having to deal with one crisis after the other. It wasn't fair. She couldn't do this anymore.

 

"Julie, please, answer me!" Desmond begged her, his voice bordering on hysteria. "Honey, please, I can't lose you, too!"

 

"You haven't lost anyone yet," Richard said calmly when coming over to them.

 

Both Desmond and Julie looked at the guy in shock.

 

"What?" Julie asked when frowning. "I don't… I don't understand…" she admitted.

 

"You haven't lost your baby," Richard rephrased calmly. "Don't worry."

 

"But… But she's bleeding!" Kate cut in, also not understanding a thing. "Are you a doctor or something?"

 

Richard nearly smiled at her. "Hardly," he said. "But I know what I'm talking about. This baby will be a gift from Jacob. You don't need to worry. It will be born."

 

"A gift from Jacob?" Julie repeated, completely stupefied.

 

"There is a little boy growing inside you. You and Desmond will have a son and he will bring you so much joy," Richard continued. "You don't need to worry about him. Jacob blessed this child and he will be born."

 

"But I'm bleeding!" Julie raised her voice, not sure if she should hit that Richard guy or thank him. What if he was wrong? How dare he give her false hope?

 

"Sometimes it doesn't mean anything," Richard simply said. "Just trust me on this."

 

In the end, Kate brought a blanket so Julie could wrap it around herself and then she snuggled up to her husband again. Now they could only wait for the plane to land somewhere so they could get to a hospital. What Julie heard from Richard was crazy, but somehow it calmed her down. She couldn't explain it, but once the guy had spoken to her, she felt this overwhelming feeling of peace. She'd stopped panicking and sobbing frantically. Maybe she was simply growing numb, affected by all that had happened. Maybe her senses were on overdrive. In the end, she even managed to fall asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Julie didn't know how it happened that she'd slept through the whole flight and then once she actually did open her eyes, she realized she was lying on something soft and very pleasant. The air was different, too. It wasn't the heaviness from the island she was used to. It was crisp and fresh and… it was actually coming from AC.

 

She opened her eyes, starting to panic all over again. Where was she? What happened with the plane?

 

"Julie, honey, it's all right," she heard the dearest voice and realized that Desmond was there, right next to her. What more, he held her hand in his.

 

At first she was blinded by the bright light, but this time it was the artificial kind as she was in a white room, lying in a bed. It finally came to her that she was in a hospital.

 

"Is the baby ok?" was the very first question she asked her husband once she set her eyes on him. He was wearing the same dirty clothes she remembered from the island, so apparently he didn't have the time to change or take a shower and it softened her heart because it only meant that he worried about her too much to think of himself.

 

"The baby is fine, honey," he said the words she was so desperate to hear.

 

"So Richard was right?" she made sure with fresh tears already in her eyes.

 

Desmond just nodded, his gaze also glassy.

 

"Why was I bleeding, then?" she wanted to know.

 

"The doctor said that it was because of stress," Desmond explained. "He said that it happens sometimes. That's it's a warning your body is sending you to take it easy."

 

"Easy to say," Julie complained when actually letting go of Desmond's hand and covering her face with hers. "I can't believe Jack and Hugo are just… gone."

 

"Hugo isn't dead," Desmond informed her and she looked at him again. "He replaced Jack in the last moment as the guardian of the island and decided to stay behind with Ben. They want to make the island a better place, the kind of a place it was supposed to be without the smoke monster."

 

"And I so hoped to kick Ben's ass for what he's done to me," Julie said to lighten up the mood. Jack was gone and it really hurt her, especially when she thought of the way they'd left things. But she was back, she was still pregnant and she wouldn't die when being that way. Added to that, Claire was back, too. "Wait… where are we exactly?" Julie suddenly asked Desmond.

 

"Costa Rica," he answered. "Frank took the first opportunity to land since we didn't have much fuel and you needed medical attention."

 

"Where's the rest?"

 

"I got them rooms at the nearest hotel," Desmond replied. "I wanted to get them tickets home immediately, but they didn't want to leave without us."

 

"Oh, that's so sweet," Julie said with a fond smile. "Is Claire all right?"

 

"She's scared of her upcoming meeting with Aaron, but she'll be fine. Kate took her to a hairdresser and then they were supposed to go shopping."

 

"Oh, yes, Claire definitely needed that," Julie admitted when nodding. "Desmond, you need to go and take care of yourself, too," she hinted next.

 

"Is that your subtle way of saying that I, too, need fresh clothes and a shower?" he asked when smiling to her.

 

"That, too, but you've been sitting here for way too long. You deserve to go and freshen up. And just so you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. I really appreciate you staying here until I woke up. I must've been dead tired if I didn't once the plane landed."

 

"Well, technically when that happened we called an ambulance and they injected you with something for relaxation. They didn't want to take any chances," Desmond followed with an explanation, "but don't worry. It was perfectly safe for the baby."

 

"I'm not worried," she assured him and took his hand again. "When can I get out of here?"

 

"The doctors are very optimistic and they said that once you wake up and feel all right, you can leave."

 

"Fantastic. Call for them, will ya?"

 

"You really don't want to stay here, do you?"

 

"I want to come back home," she admitted. "And I want to start my life with you again."

 

"I want that, too," he assured her with a smile.

 

In that moment someone knocked on the door.

 

"Are we interrupting?" Claire asked when stepping inside with a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

 

"Claire! Of course not!" Julie said, happy to see her friend. The blonde was now freshly showered, had new pair of jeans and a t-shirt on and her hair was cut to the level of her shoulders. Judging from its previous condition, Julie guessed that the rest was just not savable. Kate walked inside right after Claire.

 

"Is it ok if I leave you here with them now and go look for a doctor?" Desmond asked Julie when standing up.

 

"Yes, sure," she told him with a smile. "Just come back to get me home quickly."

 

"I will, I promise." He smiled to her and bent down to kiss her gently on the lips.

 

"Claire, how are you feeling?" Julie asked her friend when Desmond left the room and the blonde took his place in the chair next to the bed.

 

"Hanging in there, I guess," she admitted carefully. "I still have… problems… adjusting to all of this… but I'll be fine."

 

"We'll all be fine," Kate assured Claire when coming over to her and placing her hand on the blonde's shoulder. Still, it didn't miss Julie's attention that Kate barely held herself together."Claire, we'll help you get through this. I know the time you spent on the island alone was hard on you, but we're here for you. We need to stick together."

 

"Yes, we have to," Julie agreed and then dared ask. "Kate… I… I know it's too much to…"

 

"You want to know more about Jack," Kate guessed sadly.

 

"I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me anything now. I can wait until you're ready," Julie assured her when reaching to take the brunette's hand in hers.

 

"The thing is that I will never be ready and I don't think I'll ever get over it," Kate admitted when meeting Julie's eyes. "I told him that I loved him and he… he said it back, Julie, but… we both knew it was goodbye. We both knew he was going to die."

 

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Julie said in a strained voice, close to crying herself as well. It was so difficult to just accept the truth. To accept the fact that she would never see Jack again and never be able to talk to him, to resolve the issues they had. But then again, it must be harder for Kate, the woman who actually loved Jack. Julie had almost lost Desmond, so she couldn't even comprehend the pain Kate must be feeling. Especially now when the time both Kate and Jack had spent on arguing and being apart seemed to be such a waste. They could've spent it together instead. Julie knew now that when two people really loved each other, they owed it to themselves and their love to work on their issues and to fight till they still could, to always fight to stay together.

 

"I knew we would never be together again after he agreed to take over Jacob," Kate said bitterly, "but at least I knew he would still be alive, you know? I even had this brief moment of consideration. I thought I could stay on the island with him, but…" Kate just shook her head and wiped the tears from her face. "It's just over."

 

"We're all with you, Kate. I, too, wish I had more time with Jack. After all, he was my brother. God, I still can't wrap my mind around it all," Claire admitted.

 

"Jack was a hero in the end," Julie suddenly said. "I know I was mad at him and I know I said some pretty awful stuff to him that I might even regret, but in the end… in the end he did the right thing. He saved me and Desmond. He got us to that plane and then he… died for all of us. Not many people can say that they did something so selfless and I think this is how we should remember him. As the hero."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As soon as Julie was able to leave the hospital, all of them returned to LA. It would've been hard if it hadn't been for Desmond's contacts at Sun's corporation. It was thanks to that, that he was able to fix them passports in no time and take care of the plane, paying the relevant parties for not asking any questions and keeping quiet. With both Sun and Jin's deaths, the whole company was temporarily given to Desmond, at least until Sun and Jin's daughter would be old enough to take over. Julie still had trouble wrapping her mind around all those deaths. It seemed that she really was one of the lucky ones, if not the luckiest. After all, she was back in America with both her husband and child healthy.

 

Once they actually got back to their house, it felt so surreal for Julie. She'd left in a such a hurry when blackmailed by Ben. She remembered how she'd searched for her passport and then cast her and Desmond's house one last look. She remembered how it'd hurt to just leave it all behind, to leave her husband behind. And now she was coming back there with Desmond by her side. She looked at him sitting right next to her at the back of a taxi and grasped his hand. He met her eyes with a mirrored expression. They were both so lucky to be alive and back home. More so even, they were lucky to keep their baby. Julie still couldn't believe that their son - if Richard was right about the baby being all right, why wouldn't he be right about its sex? - was fine. That he'd survived traveling in time twice and then Julie's fatigue on the island.

 

Julie got out of the cab and once Desmond paid for the ride, he joined her and they just stood there, right in front of their house. Then Desmond put his arms around his wife and she leaned into his chest, reveling in the feeling of him there, enjoying them simply being together and home, being able to come back to their lives.

 

"Are you tired?" he asked when they finally made their way to the front door.

 

"Not really. I'm just too excited to rest. We're back, Des, and I nearly can't believe it."

 

"Well, let me help you," he said and opened the door for her so she could step inside. "Just imagine that in eight months we'll bring a baby to this house and we'll be a family."

 

"We're already family," Julie corrected him when turning around to face him and putting her arms around his neck. "Nothing will ever change that." They kissed and then she just had to ask, "Do you think it's really over?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"The island. Do you think it's finally over? We thought it the first time around and we were brought back to it anyway."

 

"Yes, I am positive it's over. After all, it's what Jack died for, isn't it?" Desmond just said, putting his wife's mind at rest. "The island is not a dangerous place anymore and it has a new guardian. The smoke monster is gone. The light, whatever the heck it was, is safe. We are safe. And we can finally move on from that."

 

"I don't think we'll ever be able to just move on. It'll always be there, Desmond."

 

"Then look at the bright side. Thanks to the island, we met and fell in love. And now I doubt we'll have problems in our marriage big enough for us to ever part. It's too late. We're too connected."

 

"Well said, but I need to take some points off for mentioning problems at all," Julie teased him. "I feel like taking a hot shower after the flight. What do you think?"

 

"You had me at hot," Desmond chuckled and then chased his wife to the bathroom where they quickly got rid of their clothes and stepped into the shower cabin, turning on the hot water and kissing under the stream.

 

It didn't take long for things to get heated up and before they knew it, they were both very aroused, missing each other's bodies after such a long period of separation. They moved the party to the bedroom fast, not even bothering with drying themselves with towels, and they made love. And then they made some more and more until they were both just lying breathlessly on their backs, trying to calm down their heartbeats.

 

Julie felt overly hot, but even though, she still snuggled up to Desmond as she still needed to feel him right next to her. She still needed to be touching him to remind herself that he was really there. She'd come way too close to losing him on the island and she'd come to that point more than once.

 

"I think we should talk about the baby," she then said when she was lying with her head placed just above her husband's heart.

 

"What about it? You don't honestly want to tell me that it's not mine, do you?" Desmond chuckled when obviously making a joke.

 

"Hey! That's not funny!" She playfully swatted him on the chest. "Of course he's yours!"

 

"Good. Then what is it?"

 

"I just think…" she hesitated, but then went on. "I know that I said I wanted a c section, but it's basically an operation and if we want more kids, it will only be harder for my body to heal afterwards. I decided I can handle all the pain and I'm sure the epidural wil help, if only a little."

 

"Whatever you want, honey," he assured her. "It's your body."

 

"Great, so that's one settled and now that I finally decided, maybe I will stop having nightmares about giving birth."

 

"I didn't know you were that scared," he said with a hint of worry in his voice.

 

"It's nothing. As I said, it's settled now."

 

"All right and as we're already talking about it, can we maybe name him… Charlie?" Desmond suggested. "It would be to honor our dead friend, of course."

 

"What do you say for Charles Jack?" Julie asked.

 

"Charles Jack Hume, it's perfect."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"It doesn't really have a ring to it, does it?" Sawyer said once he heard what Julie and Desmond named their newly born baby. "Eh… sorry, I guess," he followed quickly when he realized that everyone present in the room shot him a murderous look. Julie was especially pissed, but that might also be the remnats of her giving birth.

 

"We wanted our son to be called after two bravest men we knew," Desmond informed in a cold voice.

 

"I love it," Claire voiced her opinion. "I really do. It's only fitting."

 

"I think we should all go now and give those three some rest, what do you say?" Kate suggested and grabbed Sawyer's arm before dragging him out of the room.

 

"I'm so happy that you're here," Julie confessed with meeting Desmond's equally tired as hers eyes. "I have no idea what I would've done without you. I wouldn't have survived if something had happened to you, too." There were fresh tears in her eyes.

 

"I'm here, baby," he just said when placing a loving kiss to the side of her head. "And I have no idea what I would've done without you, too."

 

Desmond knew that he should probably go, but no one dared throw him out of the room since his wife had just had their son, so he took advantage of the situation and soon they were both asleep.

 

"It's time to go home, brother," Jacob said to Jack as they were both present in the room, both watching over their friends from quite some time now. In fact, Jack had been watching over those he loved since the moment he'd released his last breath.

 

"Where to?" he just asked Jacob. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to keep looking after the people he cared about, the people he'd given his life for. Still, they were safe now. They were back home. They were happy. He had no business here anymore.

 

"To a place where you'll all meet again in order to move on," Jacob just said and before Jack managed to ask him a follow-up question, they were gone.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

About a year and a half later

 

Julie felt really overwhelmed with such a big turnout at her second book's signing. The first one had been quite popular, but the second was the huge success Julie had always been dreaming of. Now she was sitting in a chair in a cozy old bookshop she'd chosen herself as the first mark on her book tour and she'd already signed so many novels and heard so many amazing things from her fans that her head was spinning. Sometimes she was truly at awe with her life and she could find herself dazed by how things had worked out. Of course she didn't forget what had happened on the island the two times she'd been there, but she still considered herself lucky. She knew that not many people could say that they had a successful career and that they actually did what they loved and what brought them both accomplishment and pleasure. Then she had this amazing family which consisted of her gorgeous husband and their son. She couldn't be happier at the moment and after everything she'd been through, she'd truly learnt how to appreciate it all and never take it for granted.

 

Her newest book was called Lost & Found and it was about a small group of people stranded on an island. The hero of the story, originally based on both Desmond and Jack as Julie didn't want to bring too many characters into the story or make it all too alike her own life since it would rouse unwanted suspicions; actually died in the end. Sometimes she was being bashed for concluding such an amazing book so sadly, but the majority of her fans really liked it and kept telling her that the book made them cry and appreciate their life and their loved ones more. After all, it was what Julie had been aiming at when writing it. The main female character was a strong woman who was in love with the man who died. Even though it was purely a work of fiction, Julie was highly inspired by what she herself had been through and she dedicated the book to JS - the real hero of the story as a tribute to Jack. Only a few people in the whole world knew who the person under those initials really was, but it was enough for Julie. Of course she was pretty often asked in interviews whether what she wrote about had happened for real, but she just laughed such comments off and asked: how could it? It was pure fantasy. Things like that didn't happen in real life, did they? But yes, the idea came to her after what she herself had been through on a stranded island.

 

The signing was almost coming to an end and soon enough Desmond with Charlie would pick her up.

 

Another book was placed on the table in front of Julie and she heard, "You know, there was a girl once that I let slip away. She was just like the one in the book."

 

Julie raised her head to see Alexander Roys standing there. She was surprised and couldn't hide it. Then she just asked in an exasperated voice, "What are you doing here, Alex?"

 

"Can we talk? I promise I'll be civil," he assured her. "You're just finishing here anyway, right?"

 

"Listen, I'm not sure…"

 

"I just want to talk, nothing more. I do not intend to harass you, I promise," he was being persistent and his eyes were actually pleading her to say yes.

 

Eventually, she just nodded and he waited for her until the signing was officially over.

 

"Ok, but I only have a few minutes," she informed him when walking over to him. "What do you want?"

 

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?" he suggested.

 

They exited the bookstore and walked in silence for a moment. Then Alex took a deep breath and finally said, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I never really did and I need to do it now. I really am sorry, Julie," he confessed when facing her and she couldn't help but look at him. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you. I'm sorry I hurt you."

 

He seemed to be honest with her, so eventually she just said, "Listen, if you need forgiveness, I'll give it to you, but I don't have feelings for you anymore, Alex. I never really had. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know why you told me that you let me slip away, but it's just too late. With you it was just a stupid girl's fantasy and then I finally met the right man and fell in love. I am a happy wife and a mother of a beautiful boy. My life is perfect now the way it is."

 

"I know. I know that," Alex admitted, but she could tell that he saddened when he heard that. "I know and I am not asking you to give anything up. I'm not asking for you to come back to me either. I would be a fool if I did. Obviously I just now realize how much I lost when I hurt you, but I also know that I have no right to make a move now. I just needed to apologize. I'm trying to be a better man here and if there's something that keeps me awake at night, it's the fact that you were in that plane crash because of me."

 

"Well, I've moved past that and it did bring me to the love of my life, so let's just forget it, ok? You bought me the ticket, but I was the one who boarded the plane."

 

"There's just one more thing I need to know," Alex admitted. "The island from your book… is it real?" Julie would've gasped if only she hadn't stopped herself from showing him her surprise. How could he know? Why did he even suspect something like that? "I just couldn't help but notice that you left for a few weeks about a year and a half ago," he added. "Did you come back there, Julie? No one knew where you were and there is no record of any traveling you might've done. Your husband disappeared, too. People from his company were looking for him."

 

Julie didn't know what to say to that. It seemed like she could only deny it all.

 

"Don't worry," Alex added when seeing her hesitation. "Your secret is safe with me. I don't want to expose anything. I just… I told you that I've been feeling guilty about giving you that ticket and ever since that plane crash, I've been looking into it. I've done a lot of research even after you came back home. I found out about people who were lost at sea and they spoke about some miraculous island, but some of them also mentioned it being a hellhole. Could it possibly be the same place? Your husband did spend three years there, didn't he?"

 

"Look, Alex," Julie finally started, not really knowing what to tell him. "There are things in this world you wouldn't believe even if you saw them with your own eyes. The best thing for you to do is to just let it all go."

 

"So it is real?"

 

"For me that place wasn't miraculous. It was a hellhole," she admitted, "but then again, for some it was the first option."

 

In that moment a car pulled up and Julie spotted Desmond behind the wheel. Charlie was strapped into a baby seat in the back. Julie also noticed the frown on Desmond's face as he saw the man she was talking to and she knew that she had to hurry up.

 

"Listen, Alex, I need to go. Goodbye and I…" she hesitated, "I wish you all the best. If you really have changed and I think that you have, I hope you'll find someone special just like I did."

 

"Thank you," he said when smiling sadly at her. "It was nice to see you again."

 

"Yeah, but don't make it an habit."

 

"I won't bother you again. You have my word. I hope you'll be very happy."

 

"I already am," she told him and then she finally walked towards the car and got inside.

 

"What was that all about? I thought I would never see this guy again," Desmond said when Julie kissed him before he started the engine again.

 

"It was hope," she answered ambiguously, somehow having a good feeling about Alex. She really believed that he'd finally changed. "It turns out that there's hope for anyone. We just need to believe it and look hard enough to find it."


	17. Chapter 17

_Somewhere in between_

 

The flight was peaceful and not even one turbulence shook the plane as it was flying towards its destination in Sydney, Australia.

 

"So I wonder," Julia began when looking at her companion. "Do you have any specific plans for our week in Australia?" she asked.

 

"Oh, you know well what my plans are," the man turned to her with a dazzling smile which soon turned into a smirk.

 

"Oh, yes, there will be so many interesting seminars and lectures there." She nodded in agreement when obviously teasing him. "I can't just wait to attend them all!"

 

"Oh, so you actually want to attend lectures?" the man asked. "I thought you'd rather…" he started when getting closer to her so he could whisper it into her ear when suddenly, somebody bumped into him and the orange juice the stranger had in his glass, spilled all over his shirt. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" Alexander Roys raised his voice in anger and got up. "Watch where you're going!" He confronted the culprit angrily.

 

"I'm so sorry, brotha," the man apologized in an honest voice. "I didn't mean to."

 

"Yeah, right. Maybe you also didn't mean to actually drink so much! Otherwise you would've known where to go!" the man huffed and strode towards the plane's bathroom, deliberately bumping the stranger's shoulders on his way and doing it hard.

 

"I'm sorry," the woman from the seat apologized with embarrassment in her voice. "I guess he doesn't really like flying because he's been acting off ever since we boarded the plane," she explained sheepishly when looking up at the stranger.

 

"Why would you need to guess? Don't you know this man? I had the impression that you were a couple," the man said with a frown and in the same time the plane shook as it hit its very first turbulence. "May I?" he pointed the temporarily free seat and took it without waiting for the woman's permission.

 

"Careful there, you're starting to pry," she warned him.

 

"I'm sorry. I don't even know why I asked that. I'm usually a very nice person," he gave his apologizes and then smiled to her. Something in his eyes made her actually believe him. Something also caused her to trust him even though it was ridiculous since she didn't even know him.

 

"I'm Desmond Hume. Going to Australia on business," he introduced himself when reaching his hand to her.

 

"Julia Stanley. For friends, Julie." The woman smiled and shook Desmond's hand.

 

"Well, Julie…" he started and suddenly stopped. It was like he was hit with some kind of a light. His vision went white and he saw it. He saw it all. A pair of two old people. The man was lying on his deathbed and the woman, her, was holding his brittle hand and then she kissed his lips. Their two adults children were present and he knew somehow that their grandchildren were in the other room. Another flash brought him a memory of sitting on a beach and watching a woman going out of the ocean. Then there was the first time he kissed her. Their first time in the tent as she was taking off his blue shirt. The moment when they bought their house. The moment they had their first child.

 

"Are you all right?! Desmond! Des, wake up!" Julie said urgently, shaking the man. He really gave her a scare when fainting like that.

 

"You called me Des," was the first thing he said when he regained his consciousness.

 

"Sorry. I don't know why I did that. I was just worried, I guess," she apologized, hoping she didn't offend him. "You fainted on me. Are you all right? Should I find out if there's a doctor onboard?" she quickly asked.

 

"Do you remember?" he inquired instead and she shot him a stunned look in response.

 

"What are you talking about?" she asked slowly. "Remember what exactly? Are you sure you're all right?"

 

"Don't you remember me, Julie?" He wasn't giving up and this time there was actually a hint of desperation in his voice. He reached for her hand again just when her companion came back from the bathroom.

 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Hands off of her! She's with me! I can't believe…" Alexander started angrily.

 

"You should treat her with a little more respect, brotha," Desmond said in a harsh voice and stood up, facing the man.

 

"What did you just say to me?! First you splash your drink all over me and then…" Suddenly, he hit Desmond, causing him to stagger backwards and to nearly fall down. The Scotsman tried to hit back, but they were stopped by one of the passengers.

 

"Hey! Hey! Stop this! We're on a plane for a God's sake!"

 

"Come back to your seat," Roys turned to Desmond and then Julie stood up. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked her.

 

"Making sure he's all right. He just fainted and you freaking hit him!"

 

"Whatever," the man murmured under his nose and sat down.

 

"You shouldn't be with this guy," Julie heard from Desmond as she helped him to his seat which apparently was in the first class. "Please, join me," he offered and she just shot him a weird look.

 

"No, thank you," she responded. "I don't want to be thrown out by the flight attendant. I shouldn't even go to the first class…" she started when he interrupted her.

 

"Nonsense. I'm a very successful and powerful businessman. They won't throw you out if I'm the one who asked you here. Just trust me on this."

 

She eyed him carefully and finally took the offered seat. The man was very persistent and she wasn't sure she should even be talking to him. What if he was dangerous? Still, it was either spending some time in the company of an apparently crazy person or coming back to her aggravated date. She'd rather choose crazy for now.

 

"I know this will sound crazy," Desmond turned to her just then and she really wanted to roll her eyes at that. Didn't she just think the exact same thing? "But you're not meant to be with that man. He's bad news, Julie."

 

"How dare you tell me what I should or shouldn't do? We've just met!" She got angry and wanted to leave when he suddenly grasped her wrist. She stilled, surprised that his touch was actually gentle and not harsh like she thought it would be.

 

"Please, just listen to me," he pleaded when looking her straight in the eye. She actually saw something in those warm, brown pupils of his that told her to do just that. What did she have to lose anyway? She could as well have some entertainment. "You went to Australia, had an affair and you came back completely broken. What more, you boarded the flight Oceanic 815 and it crashed. You spent almost a hundred days on an island and then…" Hume was saying and she kept on frowning at what she heard. Eventually, she couldn't stand this anymore and interrupted him.

 

"Ok, you really are crazy," she said and wanted to get away, but he stopped her once again.

 

"You can't go back to this man. He will use you both physically and emotionally. I can change things this time," he promised with such intensity on his face and in his eyes that she wasn't sure whether she should be scared or grateful that someone cared for her so much. Only then again, why would a complete stranger do that? He was nuts, that must be it. She should've just stayed with Alex.

 

"This time?" She was completely stupefied now as she repeated those words after Desmond. "I don't know what mental institution you left, but…" Her words were muffled when he suddenly kissed her. At first, she wanted to pull away, but then she actually felt something. Something so… familiar, so… right. How was it possible that she was in love with him? How? And then when she stooped struggling and surrendered to the feeling, when she actually kissed him back, she saw it. She saw it all. Australia. The plane going down. Her silent time spent on the beach. Desmond drinking on the shore. Desmond changing her life. Them falling in love and leaving the island. Her slapping the face of the very same man she was to go with to Australia right now.

 

She pulled away with a gasp. Her eyes opened widely and settled on the man's face.

 

"Desmond," she said, but this time there was clear recognition and affection in her words. His name sounded differently, like a caress. "How?" she asked, still dazed, still not understanding.

 

He cupped her face and met her eyes and she could see his tears.

 

"I'm here, baby. I found you. We're together again," he told her.

 

She threw herself into his arms and reveled in the familiar and dear feeling of him being right next to her.

 

"But where are we?" she asked into his ear.

 

The answer froze her to the bones, "We're dead."

 

Then there was only peace. Surprisingly enough, Julie accepted the truth. She did remember that they'd spent their whole lives together in peace and happiness. It should be enough, shouldn't it? Yes, it was enough.

 

"It's ok," she found herself saying. "We've had more than enough time together when we lived."

 

"Yes, we did. We were the lucky ones," Desmond agreed when pulling away and wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "But the road to that happiness was hard and filled with misery and pain."

 

"Isn't every road like that?" she asked the perfect question. "What's best in life, comes the hard way."

 

Desmond just nodded, reveling in the sight of her face, in the presence of her right next to him.

 

"What now?" she asked after a few moments of companionable silence.

 

"Now we move on. But first we need to get on the flight Oceanic 815," he informed.

 

"Are you kidding me? So it would crash all over again?"

 

"That's the thing. It won't crash this time because here, in the place where we're all dead, in between… there is no island. The island is life and there is truly no place for it here."

 

"But they'll all be there in Australia very soon," Julie pointed out. "Can't we just gather them all together then?"

 

Desmond shook his head. "The flight 815 is the exact thing that will bring us all together again. Then we'll make sure they'll all find each other back in Los Angeles. That they'll all remember."

 

"And then what?"

 

"Then we'll move on."

 

She smiled to him. She felt peace at that moment. She wasn't afraid. She was with the only man she ever truly loved and it was enough for her. It was more than anyone could ever ask for. "No matter where we'll be or in what form, we'll always be together, won't we?" she asked.

 

"I'm pretty sure of that." Desmond smiled back to her and leaned towards her to kiss her again. In that exact moment they heard an angry voice.

 

"What the fuck?!" Alexander stood there, perplexed and furious. "Are you fucking crazy, man?! This is my date!"

 

"Sir, I will have to ask you to calm down and leave. This is not your class," the flight attendant got to them.

 

"It's ok. I'll talk to him and then he'll leave, I promise," Julie said when standing up and facing the one person who'd hurt her the most while she'd still lived. Only then, even though the man had hurt her, he'd apologized for it, too, and in the end, he'd changed. Julie also remembered how one day Roys just disappeared, leaving his job behind. She never heard of him again, but she was pretty sure he'd gone on a quest to find the island and something told her that in the end, the island found him. Maybe he joined the others, found love there, shared his extensive knowledge with the community? At least it was what Julie wanted to believe.

 

The flight attendant looked at Desmond and he just nodded, so the woman walked away with a sigh.

 

"I used to hate you," Julie turned to Roys and said, "but now I only feel sorry for you. I hope that one day you'll find your way again."

 

"Julie, what are you…?" the man felt like he suddenly found himself in a mental institution. Were all those people crazy or what?

 

"I know you don't understand me just yet and I'm sorry for that. I can only hope that someone will do for you what Desmond has just done for me."

 

"Julie, are you going crazy? I feel like in a Twilight Zone," Alex finally voiced his concerns.

 

"I'm sorry. I just can't go with you. I can't be with you. Even if we're all…" her voice trailed off before she could actually reveal the big secret. He wasn't ready for it yet and she knew it. "I just can't make the same mistake twice. I'm sorry. Go back to your seat and forget about me. Goodbye, Alex." After having said that, she turned around.

 

"Good riddance," he just murmured under his breath and finally left, still not understanding a thing and deciding that that girl was, indeed, crazy. And a gold digger. What else could explain that she'd rather stay with a complete stranger just because he was in the first class and offered her a seat next to him?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Didn't you have an important business meeting?" Julie asked Desmond when they stumbled into his hotel room when kissing.

 

"What does it matter now?" he asked. "I'm in Australia to earn another couple of millions, but I don't need that money. We're already dead and soon we'll leave. Why would I bother with showing up to a boring meeting when I can spend this remaining week with you in bed? We're both young again. Maybe this isn't real, but it feels real. Why not enjoy it?"

 

Julie didn't answer. Instead she ripped his shirt open, enjoying what she saw.

 

"Remember that blue shirt I loved so much?" she asked him.

 

"The one that was also driving you crazy?" he chuckled at the memory. "Oh, yes, I do."

 

"It was driving me crazy just because you looked so hot in it and I couldn't touch you back then."

 

"You could."

 

"But we weren't together. I didn't know that you loved me and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had," she explained and Desmond just kissed her deeply in response and then said against her lips, "We have all week, so you can model for me all the pretty underwear that you bought."

 

"Or I could just wear every single one of your shirts," she teased him.

 

"Sounds good to me."

 

They landed on a couch, both already only in their underwear, Julie straddling him.

 

Yes, it would be an amazing week, she thought as she captured his lips hungrily again.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once the debauched week came to an end, both Julie and Desmond boarded the flight 815. When Julie noticed that they weren't in the same section of the plane that their friends were, she voiced her disappointment.

 

"Julie, we can't intervene. Not yet," Desmond said when taking her hand and looking into her eyes. "Let the fate run its course. It's only then that we'll be able to help them see the truth," he tried to explain.

 

"Granted the plane won't crash again," Julie murmured under her breath sarcastically and then she actually squeezed Desmond's hand as a particularly bad turbulence hit them. "Wait… that was it, wasn't it?" She suddenly asked in awe. "That was the moment everything went down the hill."

 

"Yes, it was," Desmond confirmed with a smile. "I told you it wouldn't happen this time… Can you wait here for me? I need to go talk to someone." He unbuckled his seatbelt.

 

"Hey! I thought we couldn't!" Julie protested. "I want to see Jack! I need to talk to Claire! Des, can I just…?"

 

"No, Julie, you can't. I'm sorry. You need to be patient. Everything in its right time," he was being annoyingly persistent.

 

"That's not fun at all," she pretended to pout and he laughed at her expression.

 

"Remember when Widmore took me back to the island and experimented on me?" he asked.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"It's thanks to that that I now know more than all the others. What he did, created a link between my consciousness then and now. My job is to help them all and you're just going to have to trust me on this."

 

"Or maybe you're just afraid I'll screw something up when actually trying to talk to someone," she pointed out, now plain teasing him.

 

"I don't, but you should really stay here."

 

Desmond was back in about ten minutes and once he took his seat, the plane was ready to land. Nothing eventful happened during the flight and it came as a relief to Julie. They were really writing a new ending or maybe just fixing things. Or maybe none of the above, she thought hard. Maybe they were just there so they could find each other again and, as Desmond had said earlier, move on together. They needed to meet one last time before they would. Julie especially wanted to talk to Jack. She'd been missing him ever since she'd found out that he was dead and that feeling had never really gone away. She wanted to talk to him, to see him one last time. And now she would finally be able to. Things like that were really worth waiting for.

 

"It's remarkable that even after death you can feel so much pain and so much joy," Julie said when the plane touched the ground in LA.

 

"It's because there's life after death," Desmond simply answered and she knew it to be true.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Desmond and Julie were waiting for their luggage, the woman suddenly froze, taking in the sight of a blonde girl who was struggling to get her own bag. She was extremely pregnant and Julie realized that it was Claire. Claire so young and so inexperienced with life. Claire without her burden and nightmares she'd been through on the island.

 

"Can I help you?" Desmond offered as he noticed how hard it was for her to get the bag.

 

"Oh, yes, thank you so much," the blonde said and sent him a bright smile. Julie still didn't move, realizing that she forgot the Claire from before the crash, the Claire from before even Aaron.

 

"Is it safe to travel when so pregnant?" Desmond asked in a friendly tone once he got her luggage.

 

Claire smiled again and shrugged. "I really had no choice," she answered. "Thanks again." After that she just walked away.

 

"Oh, God," Julie finally got her voice back. "Can we talk to her some more?" she asked Desmond.

 

"I don't think the time for that has come yet," she received in answer and it only frustrated her more. She knew she needed to be patient and she knew Desmond was right and that she should trust him, but she didn't anticipate that it would be so hard. Maybe it was a good thing they hadn't ran into Jack yet. Then she would certainly screw everything up.

 

Once Desmond took their luggage, they made their way to the hall where they spotted Claire again. She was looking around with a slight disappointment on her face as clearly waiting for someone who hadn't showed up.

 

"Sorry to bother you again," Desmond decided to come over, "but you look troubled. Do you want us to give you a ride?" he offered. "Me and my wife have nowhere to be right now, so it wouldn't be a trouble at all."

 

Claire briefly looked at Julie and then back at Desmond and she just shook her head with the same never-fading smile. "Nah, it's fine. I'll just grab a cab." She waved it off.

 

"Are you sure?" Julie prompted, finally able to speak. She would really like to give Claire a lift. Maybe it would stir something in the blonde's memory?

 

"Yes, but thank you," Claire repeated.

 

"But…" Julie was already opening her mouth to try to convince the blonde when Desmond's hand took her own and squeezed gently, clearly telling her something. Having no choice, they just walked away.

 

"It's a boy!" Desmond suddenly called after Claire.

 

"What?" She frowned at him.

 

"Trust me! I'm good at these things!"

 

"Why didn't we insist to take her?" Julie asked when they were further away and Claire couldn't possibly hear them. "And why did you just tell her that she was having a boy? Wasn't that telling her too much?"

 

"Claire apparently wasn't meant to get into the limo with us," Desmond answered with a chuckle. He clearly thought Julie's behavior to be funny and she didn't like that. "And the baby thing, it's not like it'll change anything."

 

"Well, I wouldn't have changed anything either if I could just talk to her some more."

 

"No, that's actually not true," he disagreed when they came to a stop by their limo.

 

"Seriously?" Julie raised her eyebrows at the car. "My, my, you are rich. By the way, you called me your wife back then. We're not married here," she pointed out.

 

"And where is here, exactly?" he asked when opening the back door of the limo for her. "We're married, Julie, because we remember getting married… Look! I was right!" He then pointed something in the distance and Julie followed his hand.

 

Claire just got into a taxi and a few seconds after that, Kate when clearly being chased by someone, got inside it, too and it drove away. The police was already yelling to stop the cab, but it was just too late.

 

"Are you sure Claire's safe? Kate was… is… a fugitive, after all," Julie said.

 

"Kate would never hurt Claire and we both know it. Stop worrying and just get into the car, wifey."

 

That did it. Julie finally laughed, letting the grumpiness leave her and she finally got into the limo. Riding inside it would, after all, be cool, she decided.


	18. Chapter 18

"You know, I've been thinking," Julie said to Desmond as he parked his car. They'd gotten to his mansion after leaving the airport, but apparently Desmond had only wanted to switch to his own personal car and they're been ready to go somewhere again. Julie knew better by now than to ask any questions. She would find out about everything soon enough. Also, something told her that Desmond enjoyed having the upper hand a little too much and for once actually knowing it all, so she just decided to let it go for now. "We've been extremely lucky when we were alive. Our love survived," she continued.

 

"Of course it did."

 

"No, you're not following. I mean… every one of them, every one of our friends, they found love, but they also lost it quickly. No one made it to the end. I mean… no one. Jin and Sun died together, but they still died," Julie explained and Desmond finally realized what she was talking about.

 

"You're right," he admitted as he thought about it. "We were incredibly lucky. And just because of that we need to help the rest to find that happiness again."

 

"What do we do now?" Julie asked as she couldn't wait any longer. She hated being kept in the dark and she hated surprises and Desmond knew that and he enjoyed it! That idiot, she thought.

 

"Well, I need to pick Charlie up from jail," Desmond simply said.

 

"Jail?!" Julie raised her voice in surprise. "What the hell did he do? I thought only Kate was on the run!"

 

"She is, but Charlie had heroine on him back on the plane and he was arrested for it."

 

"Of course he was," Julie sighed heavily. "Ok, so where that leaves me?"

 

"I think I'll try to bring Charlie to the docks. Maybe the sight of water and my presence will help him remember something. Maybe it'll at least make him trust me."

 

"You really want him to remember that you were the last person he saw before he died?" Julie made sure when Desmond pulled over. "Yeah, you really think that will make him trust you?"

 

"At least it'll be something familiar. Wait here, will ya?"

 

She just got out of the car and watched Desmond drive away when shaking her head. She did not like that plan of his at all.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"I'm talking spectacular, consciousness altering love, mate," Charlie was saying while they were sitting in a bar. Desmond had no choice but to follow his friend there. "Have you ever felt something like that?"

 

"Yes," Desmond answered when smiling. "Actually, I am experiencing it right now. I've just found my wife."

 

"Good for you, buddy. At least your girl didn't appear to you when you were about to die." Charlie patted Desmond's back and turned to leave.

 

"Hey! Wait!" The Scotsman called after him, but the Englishman was already out the door.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Julie was relieved to finally see Desmond's car coming back, but that relief quickly turned into horror when the car swerved dramatically and landed in the water.

 

"Oh, my God!" she exclaimed when covering her mouth with her hands and then running to the docks, frantically wondering what to do. Finally, she started to take her shoes off with the intention to dive in.

 

Just then Desmond emerged from the water when taking a deep breath.

 

"Desmond! Are you ok?!" Julie asked in panic. "Where's Charlie?!"

 

"I'll go get him!" Desmond said with the intention to dive back in.

 

"What if something happens to you?!" she yelled, terrified.

 

"We're already dead," he just said. "Nothing will happen to me. I promise." And he was just gone. Yeah, she thought with a huff, she did like him better when he didn't have all the answers. She loved him dearly, but right now she was just furious with that guy. What the hell was he thinking anyway?!

 

A few moments later Desmond finally emerged from the water again and he had Charlie in tow.

 

Once the ambulance came, the paramedics wanted to take Desmond to a hospital, too, but he refused, swearing that he was fine and that they needed to take care of his friend instead.

 

"That went smooth," Julie said with obvious irony when standing nearby with her arms folded on her chest. She looked her husband up and down, scanning his wet clothes. "Did you achieve anything by that stunt you pulled?" she prompted.

 

"I'm not sure. I could've sworn he remembered something, like a flash, but then… nothing." Desmond shook his head to Julie's satisfaction. Maybe he didn't know it all, after all. And he was the one dripping wet with clothes sticking uncomfortably to his body, not she.

 

"Well, what did you even expect?" she asked him. "Charlie's a drug addict, so whatever he saw, he probably thought those were hallucinations."

 

"I'll get him to the concert one way or another." Desmond just shrugged it off.

 

"Wait, what concert?" Julie asked with a frown.

 

"Faraday is throwing a concert and he wants to play with the Drive Shaft," her husband explained. "That's when we'll all meet again. But before, we need to get back to my house, so I can change and then we'll take another car."

 

"To go where this time?" Julie asked in an exasperated voice. She did have fun when seeing him so wet and witnessing his plan going down with the drain, pun not intended, but now because of that they needed to get back to Desmond's mansion. If things kept on going the same way as they'd gone with Charlie, they should start thinking about plan B if anyone asked her opinion.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Julie was nervous once entering the building in which she should find Claire. She had fun seeing Desmond fail over and over again, but once she was the one to actually do something, she discovered it wasn't that easy. She needed to pay attention to all the things she could and could not say, to the way she would behave around Claire and she needed to get her to do something. This wasn't easy. Nah-uh. And Desmond wasn't there to help her. No, he had to choose that exact time to go see John Locke.

 

Julie took a deep breath, then idly walked towards the reception desk to sign her name on the list. Claire just finished doing the same and was about to leave. It was Julie's first and last chance.

 

"Hey, you were on that plane, Oceanic 815, right?" she asked the blonde, faking a surprise that they met in there.

 

Claire turned to her. "Yes." She nodded as she recognized Julie. "Your husband offered me a ride, didn't he?"

 

"That's right. I'm Julia Hume." Julie reached her hand out to Claire. She was proud of herself that she hadn't called Claire by her name so far. She wasn't supposed to know it yet. Maybe it wouldn't be that hard, after all, she thought. Talking to Claire was like catching up with an old friend. A friend with chronic amnesia, but still… She was sure that talking to Jack would be much more difficult as he'd died so violently and suddenly, leaving so many unresolved issues between them.

 

"Claire Littleton. Nice to meet you," the blonde introduced herself.

 

"How are you? Is everything all right with the baby?" Julie asked when they both headed towards the elevators.

 

"Yes, although I need to admit that I had a small accident. I landed up in a hospital," Claire informed.

 

"Oh… Are you all right?" Julie got concerned as they stepped into the elevator.

 

"Yes, I am now and your husband was right. It is a boy. Aaron," Claire suddenly added when touching her belly and something inside Julie broke at the sight.

 

"That's a lovely name," she said, swallowing the real emotions that actually screamed to be revealed in her voice. "I hate that you were in that hospital, though. Maybe we should've insisted on giving you a ride."

 

"It's fine. I knew I shouldn't be flying at this stage of my pregnancy anyway, but I-I wanted to give him up for adoption," Claire suddenly confessed. Julie could only feel happy that the blonde decided to trust her with that information when technically she didn't even know her yet. Or maybe deep down inside she did know that she could talk to her as they were good friends. Claire might not have her memories, but she did have her instinct. "The couple that was supposed to take him, split up and now I'm looking for a new one," the Australian followed.

 

"Did you consider keeping him?" Julie asked. "Sorry, I don't want to overstep any boundaries here, I just…" she added quickly.

 

"It's ok." Claire smiled at her warmly. She really had a very pretty and radiant smile. Julie could only be sorry for her and for Charlie that they hadn't gotten their happy ending when they'd still been alive. "I just don't think I can do this on my own. No college education, no one to help me and no stable job. I just… can't."

 

"I'm sorry, but if you ever change your mind, I'm sure you'll be able to take care of him somehow… Oh, I'm getting off at the same floor," Julie noticed and then she knew that she needed to tell Claire exactly what Desmond had instructed her to. "Listen, I'm just on my way to meet my lawyer. She's amazing and I'm sure she could help you with all the legal work considering the adoption. Come see her with me. It won't cost you a penny," she assured the blonde.

 

Claire hesitated, clearly surprised at the kindness she met with from the Humes' side.

 

"You didn't accept that ride home and landed up in a hospital. It's the least I can do," Julie encouraged her.

 

"Why are you meeting your lawyer? Are you getting a divorce?" Claire asked in a sad voice. "You seemed like such a lovely couple."

 

"Oh, God, no, we're not getting a divorce!" Julie denied quickly as they stepped out of the elevator and she led the way. "Desmond and I are crazy about each other. It's just a business meeting."

 

"Oh, good because you're really great together," Claire assured Julie and then she shrugged. "What the hell! I'll go see your lawyer."

 

"Excellent!"

 

It was only when Julie introduced Claire to the lawyer that she realized how important it was.

 

"Wait… Claire Littleton from Australia?"

 

"How do you know where I'm from?" Claire asked when being a little taken aback.

 

While Claire disappeared inside the lawyer's office, Julie just took a seat, deciding to wait. She didn't know what her next move should be, so she could as well wait for Claire or for the next clue from Desmond. She was really curious of how things had gone with Locke.

 

Only then her whole body stilled as she watched Jack Shephard walking inside with a teenage boy and then disappearing in the same room Claire had earlier. It made sense. Claire was his sister and they still didn't know about it in this world, but a son? Julie felt lucky to be sitting, otherwise she might faint and then Jack would surely get to her as he was a doctor. She couldn't handle this now. Not yet. Desmond was apparently right. It was just too much. Julie had spent such a long time grieving for her friend and being angry with him and now he was just there, right in the next room, talking to the lawyer and Claire. It was so confusing and overwhelming that Julie didn't know what to do and she actually started to panic. Once they all left the office, she would be faced with the freshly united Shephard family. Was she ready for that? Could she pretend not to know Jack? And why the hell did he have a son? Where did that even come from?!

 

Julie grabbed her phone with shaky hands and sent a text message to Desmond as she wasn't sure if she should call in the middle of his conversation with John Locke. Jack is here! What do I do?! She hit send. Then she bit her lower lip and typed another message: And how the hell does he have a son?!

 

The door to the office opened again and Jack came out of there in a rush. Julie stilled, not prepared to see him again so soon and she suddenly wished to become invisible. If Claire got out as well and saw her… Only then Jack just told the receptionist, "I'm sorry. Medical emergency. Can you reschedule? Some poor guy in a wheelchair was run over!" And he was just gone as he ran out of there.

 

Run over?! Julie thought when connecting the dots. A guy in a wheelchair? Luckily for her, Desmond chose that very moment to call her.

 

"Did you just ran over Locke?!" she asked angrily, forcing herself to keep her voice down to a certain level, so the receptionist wouldn't hear her. Julie just couldn't understand this. This wasn't her Desmond at all. Her Desmond didn't hurt people.

 

"Julie, just get down and we'll talk, ok?" he said and had the audacity to actually hang up on her!

 

The elevator couldn't be more slower, Julie thought when she ran out of the office and was riding down to meet Desmond. Once she finally exited the building, she spotted her husband's car and got inside.

 

"Explain!" she demanded angrily and without preamble.

 

"I didn't hurt John. I was just trying to help him," Desmond simply said when starting the engine.

 

"By running him over?!" She clearly couldn't stop yelling at him.

 

"It was the only way. He met Jack on the airport and Jack offered to help him walk again, but John refused. He just needed a little push."

 

"A push?!"

 

"He needed to be operated by Jack, so Jack would be able to fix him," Desmond explained. "It's not like I killed him. We're…"

 

"…already dead!" Julie finished after him with a sigh. "Ok, what's next?"

 

"You're gonna have to do exactly as these instructions say." Desmond handed her a piece of paper. "First, find Ana Lucia."

 

"Ana Lucia, great. Of course." By this point Julie didn't care about anything that sounded crazy anymore.

 

"I'll need to… well… beat up Benjamin Linus," Desmond informed in a hesitant voice like he was afraid Julie would lash out at him again.

 

"I won't even ask." She shook her head. "And I'll actually give you my permission after what he did to me to drag me back to the island."

 

"And then I need to get myself arrested," Desmond added.

 

"Mhm…" This was a bizarre reality, if it was even a reality for God's sake! She thought. "But why? Don't tell me you actually feel bad for running John over because you could've just…"

 

"Kate and Sayid are in jail and Sawyer is a law officer."

 

"Of course he is." There was nothing that could surprise her at this point.

 

"And here is why I need you to talk to Ana Lucia. She will break us all free."

 

"All right. Is there something else you wanna share?"

 

"Yes, there's also Hugo…" Desmond started and Julie rolled her eyes. Then she actually burst out laughing. It was the only option for her as she didn't see much sense in crying.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Julie and Hurley finally reached the place Desmond had marked on the map, the van that was supposed to transfer him, Kate and Sayid to another jail, was already there.

 

Julie jumped out of the car when holding a black dress in her hand - another thing Desmond had asked to bring - and told Hugo to hurry up.

 

"You're not going anywhere until I get my money," Ana Lucia was just threatening Des.

 

"There's the guy! He'll pay you!" Desmond pointed Hurley with obvious relief.

 

"Honey, I'm sorry we're late!" Julie called to him and then finally ran towards him and gave him a peck on the lips. She might've been still a tiny bit angry with him, but this time she was the one to screw up. She and Hurley were late and it could've resulted in disastrous consequences. Luckily for them, Ana Lucia was willing to wait a little bit longer.

 

"Got the dress?" Des made sure and Julie handed the dress over to Kate. She herself was already wearing a little red one.

 

"Put it on," Desmond told Kate, "you're going with us. Hurley, you take Sayid!"

 

Kate looked at the dress, then at Desmond and then at Julie and back at the dress. Eventually, she said, "I guess I should be relieved that you're not a pervert. You wouldn't pull something like that off with your wife here, would you? Or…" she hesitated. "Are you into some weird stuff?" she wanted to know.

 

Julie and Desmond looked at each other and burst into delicious laughter.

 

"You'll understand everything soon, Kate, I promise," Julie just said when looking at her old friend with softness in her eyes. Apparently, it was a softness Kate couldn't understand yet either and it only perplexed her more. While Julie could actually give the woman more details or at least say that she and Desmond didn't expect any threesome, she decided against it. Watching Kate squirm was an excellent entertainment and she knew now how much Desmond must've enjoyed doing the same to her earlier.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once they finally managed to get to the concert, Claire with Jack's son were already sitting by the table, but there was no Jack. Quite frankly, Julie was both afraid and exhilarated by the perspective of seeing Jack there and once she realized that he hadn't showed up, she was both relieved and disappointed if that made any sense.

 

"Claire?" Kate asked with her eyes widely opened. "What are you doing here?" She looked at the Humes, baffled, still not understanding a thing.

 

"And what are you doing here?" Claire looked at both Julie and Desmond, being equally surprised by so many 'accidental' encounters. The couple only smiled in response and took their seats.

 

Soon enough, both Kate and Claire, still stunned and confused, sat down as well. Julie could only imagine them trying to figure out how it was that they'd been meeting the fellow passengers from the flight 815 ever since they'd landed. Then she just snuggled comfortably into Desmond, enjoying the concert. She had a feeling that soon they would all be moving on and she appreciated all the little moments that much more. Who knew where they would find themselves after leaving this realm?

 

"We're living tonight, aren't we?" she asked Desmond just to make sure.

 

"Yes, my dear, we are," he confirmed when holding her hand.

 

"It's happening so fast," she admitted.

 

"Life's always happening fast and what comes next brings no difference."

 

"When did you get so smart?" she teased him. He smiled to her and kissed her softly. Then they actually both stilled when seeing Charlie on the scene. And Charlie had his eyes only for Claire. When the blonde saw him, she suddenly jerked and stood up straight.

 

"I need to… I need to go to the bathroom!" she said in a panicked voice and walked away quickly when holding onto her protruding stomach.

 

"I'll better check up on her," Kate offered and was gone, too.

 

"Wait a moment, Julie," Desmond warned his wife who wanted to follow the women. "We can go after the concert. They need to be alone now, just trust me on this."

 

So she did. She always trusted him.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Julie and Desmond finally made their way to the backstage room, they were welcomed by a picture which melted their hearts and brought tears into their eyes.

 

Claire had had her baby and she was with Charlie now, both of them smiling through tears as they finally remembered. Kate was standing nearby when being in a similar condition.

 

"Claire!" Julie called her friend's name and finally there was recognition on the blonde's face as she reached to Julie to hug her. "I missed you so much," Julie said.

 

"Me, too. Oh, God… How come we're all here like this?" Claire asked, clearly overwhelmed by everything that had happened. That was Desmond's field of expertise, Julie figured when leaving the explanations to him and proceeding to hugging Kate. Once they were all done with their displays of affection, Desmond said, "We need to go to the church now. Kate, you will have to stay and wait for Jack. Get him there. We'll be waiting."

 

Kate only nodded through her happy tears and they parted for the moment.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They were all there. They were in the church where Christian Shephard was about to have his funeral. Still, it was only an excuse to bring them all together. What really mattered was that they were all once again reunited. Julie looked around with tear-stricken eyes. All those familiar faces, all those people she knew from the island, some only briefly, but they'd all made an impact on her life. There were Sayid and Shannon; dear Shannon whom Julie liked so much and now hugged when crying and laughing in the same time; Sawyer, finally reunited with his beloved Juliet; Jin and Sun; John Locke… all the people Julie remembered, all the people she felt so strongly about. Rose and Bernard even informed her that once a blond man had wandered into their camp on the island. His boat had crashed and they'd quickly discovered that he knew Julie. In fact, he was the reason she'd been on the plane as he'd bought her the ticket. On hearing that Julie asked with beating heart what had happened to this man and heard with relief that it was exactly what she'd wanted for Alex. Then, finally, Kate made an appearance, but she was alone.

 

"Where is he?" Desmond asked her, clearly referring to Jack.

 

"You know him. No matter what his heart tells him, he still needs proof. He's in the back with his father," Kate explained.

 

"I'll go get him," Julie offered, finally feeling like it was the right moment to do so.

 

Desmond just nodded with a smile, so she didn't waste her time. She was still both scared and happy about the upcoming encounter and she tried to slow down as she was going to the back, maybe subconsciously wanting to stay in this realm for a little bit longer. Maybe she was scared of the unknown, of what would come next. But then again, why would she be scared? She was surrounded by the people she loved and there was truly nothing to be afraid of. Not when they were all finally together.

 

Eventually, Julie reached the right door and pushed it open, seeing Jack there who was just hugging his father. The very same father who was supposed to be dead, but then again, they were all already dead.

 

Christian let go of his son and directed himself towards the door, passing by Julie on his way and she was finally left alone with the younger Shephard. She was speechless as she saw him standing there. He was shaken up, fresh tears in his eyes. He tried to wipe them away when he spotted her.

 

"Julie," he said her name when smiling to her tentatively. "It's so good to see you."

 

"Jack." She made her way to him, he opened his arms and she just sunk into them.

 

"I missed you so much," she whispered into his ear, overcame with emotions she couldn't really explain.

 

"I'm so sorry for everything," he said when he released her from his arms. "I'm sorry for the way we left things between us."

 

They were both crying by now, just looking at each other.

 

"I forgave you a long time ago, Jack," Julie assured him. "You were just lost like we all were once," she said and hugged him again. He and Claire, when not counting Desmond and their children, were the most important people to her. And finally, they were all together, reunited.

 

"Maybe you did, but I still feel awful about everything," he admitted, ashamed of his own actions. "I'm sorry about the bomb and about forcing Desmond to go down to the heart of the island. I'm sorry for risking his life like that even when I thought that he wouldn't get hurt."

 

Julie only nodded in response, glad to hear Jack say it.

 

"I want you to know that right then and there I vowed that I would do anything to get you back home, that I would keep my promise. I died knowing that you and Desmond left. I saw the plane."

 

Julie nodded again with fresh tears glistening in her eyes.

 

"I never wanted you to die for us, Jack," she said.

 

"I know. It's not like I thought I would. I just… Locke got me. At least I died saving all of you. At least I managed to protect the island in the end. I was just so stubborn. In fact, it's taken me this long to finally learn how to let go," he admitted, chuckling through his tears and Julie followed his reaction.

 

"You know what they say, better late than never."

 

"Are you ready now?" Jack just asked when pointing the door.

 

"Are you?"

 

"Yeah, I think I finally am ready to let go."

 

"Good. Let's go, then."

 

Julie and Jack eventually made their way to the church, Jack smiling to her one last time and joining Kate whereas Julie grasped Desmond's hand and they all took their seats.

 

They were ready to move on. There was nothing left to say. Nothing left to do. There was just peace. The process of finally letting go.

 

And then Christian Shephard made his way through the aisle and opened the church's front door, bathing the interior in the warm light.

 

"What happens now?" Julie asked Desmond when looking into his eyes.

 

"Now we'll be one forever," he answered when the light enveloped them completely.

 

THE END


End file.
